7 year old running off

[Fullcottonstretchbriefs4eva]

I was at the cinema today at a fairly quiet showing and took my kids 3 and 7. It was their first time at the cinema. The film was awful they enjoyee it while they had their popcorn but started to run around. My 7 year old sat down when i told him we would have to leave if he couldn't sit. My 3 year old after initially obeying started to get restless and ran round again.

I knew the film wouldn't be much longer but didn't want to be that parent letting their kids ruin the film for others. I said it was time to leave but of course my 7 year old didn't want to and basically just ran round the cinema trying to dodge me. I know it wasn't fair to him but didn't have a solution other than leaving. This felt so embarrassing as obviously i wanted to leave the cinema discreetly and didn't.

He does it at softplay sometimes- yes even when I've warned him it'll be home time soon but today I was furious. I shouted a lot in the car but I don't know what to do to make it not happen. It feels embarrassing to not be able to control your kids in public.

Maybe it's not a big deal and I was stressed because I was feeling the pressure more in a cinema where everyone is sitting and being quiet.

I've read gentle parenting books where they say punishments don't work so now I'm stuck. I don't really punish i rant and rave for a bit, maybe send him to his room so I can get headspace. I don't even know what punishment would work anyway. He's an outdoorsy arty child who likes a bit of TV in the evening.

What would you do or what have you done in the past when your kids run off on you?

I threatened that! I've just lost my confidence as a parent really.

No, it really isn't. So how come "punishments don't work" is the only thing you've taken from your reading?

Oh give me a break it wasn't constant. I don't know why people have to rub it in and make you feel worse. They both ran around the cinema so I explained that we'd have to leave if they didn't behave. The 7 year old obeyed and sat. The 3 year old sat on my lap but started to struggle that is when I decided to leave. But 7 year old ran off so i waited near the exit with the 3 year old. 5 minutes later i tried to get him again but Same thing so I wait near the exit until the film finished.

It is difficult - I could imagine a similar sort of situation with my friends kids who are 3 and almost 7. When it's just the almost 7 year old and I take him out somewhere like an adventure playground or soft play, it can be a challenge getting him to leave. We do lots of countdowns - half an hour to go, 15 mins, 10 mins, 5 mins, two more minutes, and sometimes he still refuses to leave nicely and will run off to an inaccessible place or will start crying saying it's not fair. They're not a toddler you can up to a point pick up and rugby ball carry them away kicking and screaming; they're bigger and will probably win if it's a foot/climbing race.

If you've got the 3 year old to manage at the same time it's basically impossible to do anything physical, you would have to talk them and persuade them to leave - whether through threats, promises, or idk what. My friends are fairly gentle parent inspired so the kids don't get punishments, just consequences - so it tends to be saying if you can't leave nicely when it's time to go, I will have to not take you to XYZ place again. That usually then leads to more tears if there's already tears - it's certainly not an instant or quiet fix!

Well it's not the only thing I've taken away from it, we leave places usually as a consequence. Today I found that difficult.

Set expectations before you go. Sit between them hand out a few treats at a time. Only go if the younger one watches a film at home or falls asleep at that time of day.

Thanks. I felt trapped today. Normally don't have a problem removing him from places but it's usually places where noise doesn't matter.

I have a child who has additional needs so although she is very well behaved when I need her to do something I have to physically guide her. As your son has form for running you need to hold his hand before it’s time to go and keep hold until you are in the car, even if that means you are firm, it’s fine as long as your are not hurting them which is unlikely.

Is there any way you can do some of these things with your 7yo but without the 3yo? My 7yo would be really cross if they were 'punished' by leaving early because of the behaviour of a younger sibling. However it's impossible to wrangle a 7yo and a 3yo on your own if neither will come willingly, you're pretty much 2 against 1.

3 year old was probably too little to go to the cinema-my two are 7 and 5 and it's only this past year that I know it's good activity for them!

Apologise to the 7 year old for leaving due to 3 year old, however 7 year old needs to be setting a good example to 3 year old by not running around in the first place!!

My 7 year old was atrociously behaved on Monday-I read him the riot act as we had nice plans today. He behaved impeccably as he knew if even threatened to misbehave then we'd be leaving!

I think it was brave to take a 3 year old and a 7 year old to the cinema on your own. Don't beat yourself up about it! Everyone has hard parenting days and we learn from them. Nothing bad happened to them. Give yourself a break!

Honestly, no-one is here to read a book review! Give her a break.

The thing is though ranting and raving isn't gentle parenting and neither is sending him to his room. And sending him to his room when you got home is too late after the event to be an effective consequence too. To be honest i would suggest forgetting about gentle parenting books and reading maybe how to talk so kids will listen and something like 123 magic or similar, which do include consequences for actions, very much as the other half of the same coin as a lot of positive parenting. Personally I found I needed to have a go to method I could implement when it was all kicking off, to help me avoid red mist reactions that I knew I'd regret later. Also I think it's good for the kids to have boundaries. It does seem to work for us so far.

I'm not sure what I would have done in your shoes at the cinema today! Probably similar to you have described. You did your best in a tricky situation.

I think part of the problem is that lots of these books,- techniques etc are great when you only have one child. The problem is when you are trying to manage two children with differing needs it's all so much more challenging. There is a tiktocker 'attachment nerd' who has a couple of videos on how to cope with two children needing different things at the same time and who to prioritise.

Don't beat yourself up!

Some cinema tips I've developed...

• take chocolate buttons and give them out verrrrrrry gradually!
• sit near the exit so you can pop for a walk/toilet trip regularly
• only go to kids am shows. They're cheaper for a reason

I highly recommend Sarah Naish therapeutic parenting. Gentle parenting doesn't work in every situation. It's absolutely
Life changing, it makes perfect sense. Please give it a read.

I don't mean to make you feel worse but I really don't think that is normal behaviour for a 7 year old? I have 3 children and they would never behave like that past the age of 3. Your 3 year old needed firmer handling, you literally have to pen them in and somewhere like a cinema and have a constant snack supply. I've taken all mine since the age of 2.

Thanks for recommendation. It's appreciated and I probably will buy it

We do things together- the 7 yo and me. He is like a different child without his younger brother. Today was the first time we'd ever been to the cinema, we were invited by another mum who also took her kids out early!

We went to a kids am show. I thought it wouldn't be busy. Thanks for tips but I think it will be quite a while before I go again.

Well it's normal for mine unfortunately. He's always doing it, I spoke to my husband and we decided to punish him- We're cancelling a planned activity which he loves. We're hoping that it will be an effective deterrent.

I know this may sound odd but did you set expectations before you went in terms of sitting down and watching the film and not running around?
Especially if they haven't been before. 7 is quite old to have never been to the cinema.
I have three kids, youngest is 5 and has been to the cinema a lot since being little. They have never run round but they know the expectations in terms of behaviour.

i think 3 is too young for the cinema really. I have 5 kids , now all 18+. You need to have proper boundaries OP.

Could you practice at home? I know that sounds absolutely insane by the way, but my son has autism, and before we went to the cinema for the first time we practiced. We all had our own boxes to sit in and used the blackout blinds and practiced watching films very quietly for a while and whispering/tiptoeing if we had to go to the toilet etc. Only when I knew he could sit through reliably did we try the actual cinema. Bit different of course as he is autistic and would have struggled if he didn’t have a clue what it would be like!

It’s good that you have decided you can apply consequences. It is very embarrassing when they act up in public and I think it can make you reluctant to ‘escalate it’ with people watching.

I was going to say this too. You need to be able to rely on at least one of them to sit nicely otherwise it's going to be a stressful nightmare! It should in theory be easier with the older child. Try setting out expectations before your visit and maybe "if you sit nicely at the cinema we will get a book from the library or a little cake at the bakery", something like that. Oh and plenty of sweets /popcorn usually helps mine sit still at the cinema. Good luck. You can totally do it. Don't let one bad trip put you off!!