Ds coming out with all sorts, embarrassing me

[ashamedadmitting]

Ds8 has an asd diagnosis. It's been pretty evident since nursery who put him on the pathway to a diagnosis. He is a lovely but eccentric boy, has a good heart but some of the things he comes out with 😫 I could die !
Whenever we go to the shop I find myself dreading what he's going to say, it's always embarrassing, he will go on about Putin and call him a moron (which I don't disagree with) but he's goes ott about it all. He said Ukraine surrender earlier 🤔
He will bend over outside the shop and say he's marking his territory !! He asked if he could have my milk manually at the counter I mean wtf I was mortified !! He told the girl at school who fancies him that her face makes him want to puke !! He can be very morbid sometimes aswell and will talk about death or deeply question things. He will also say the word crap all the time in front of people (even his teachers) even though I've told him to stop a million times. He told the hesdteacher he knows how to hack people (he doesn't) and I was questioned about this !
I wonder if sometimes he says these things for a reaction?

Everyone laughs but I do worry what people must think, and I know I shouldn't and that makes me ashamed of myself.

I guess I'm just wondering if this is just the asd or him as a person ? Or could it be adhd too? I've always suspected he has adhd too, he is so impulsive, cannot wait his turn, won't sit still unless on the ipad, can't sit still while eating his dinner, comes out with all this random inappropriate stuff, it's like he actually needs gagging sometimes as he just cannot stop interrupting people !

I really worry about him going to secondary school

Does anyone else have a child on the spectrum that acts in this way who could maybe offer their opinion ?

I know this sounds awful but if he continues like this when he gets to high school, someone will put him right and that might be the lesson he needs to learn. I am cringing now because I know it is not right and not what any parent would want to hear

Just sounds like a normal kid to me. They come out with all sorts of shite 😂 I wouldn't worry.

Wtaf? I can’t believe you wrote that. Did you miss the part the boy is autistic?

Well I'm more worried he's going to get bullied because of how socially awkward he is. He can't make friends. He isn't a bad boy, far from it, he has a kind heart but he just says these weird inappropriate things

This must be very difficult for you. Have you had him assessed for adhd? It certainly sounds like that could be a contributing factor. What have his school said? Don't worry about secondary school they are used to having all sorts of pupils with all sorts of needs.
What I would say is don't be embarrassed, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. He will learn that he cannot say some things- it might just take longer.

He sounds like a lovely lad

It’s also not true on either level. OP’s son won’t stop as it is part of his disability and actually most children are kind and tolerant.

OP see if there can be an adhd diagnosis too and start seeing if you can apply for an EHCP. Get organised so that if your son needs more support at high school then there are the diagnoses and funding in place to help.

It is hard to see at now whether he will learn to manage his impulses or be more driven by them - either way it’s nothing teachers haven’t seen before and a good school will value the good heart above all. You will need to make sure you find the right school. Don’t feel embarrassed - reinforce the behaviours desires but celebrate his enthusiasms.

Oh and sometimes high school is much better for friends - a bigger pool of children so there are more quirky characters.

Hi. I have an autistic daughter. She used to frequently embarrass me (still does) but more by talking about high brow topics and talking really loudly! It's all connected to not being concerned about social expectations I guess. Might be worth writing down some rules around use of certain words - sometimes a written rule works whereas being told doesn't. Especially if you term it as a "rule". I would also look at moving early towards getting an EHCP as that should make school life easier. You don't have to wait for a diagnosis.

He is still waiting for an ehcp, since reception, he's now in year 3. I've also mentioned I would like him assessed for adhd to the senco but she hasn't got back to me about it yet. He has only just seen the EP, that took 3 years so I'm not holding out much hope really !

I should say he is so funny, he has such a cracking sense of Humour (which some believe think asd people don't have any wit) he frequently has us in stitches but it's just the embarrassing things I worry shout.

Sorry for typos I'm on my phone

Also if it makes you feel better I suspect that I have undiagnosed ADHD. When I was a child I went to my mums work one day and she was showing off that I could write. She asked me to write a sentence about her work colleague and I wrote Betty has big boobs. Betty was an older lady who was very straight laced!! I can only imagine the embarrassment. I have improved with age (I think)!

Autistic children can be taught appropriate behaviour I have three only one acts out publicly and will verbalise inappropriately he gets told no every time unless he is having a meltdown he is in control of his mouth

Kids do say the most embarrassing things. And sometimes they like the reaction from it!

My son tried to describe another mother and said 'she's the one with the very big tummy and boobs who walks like this (mimicks waddling)'

I was mortified. He was so accurate in his description that we all knew exactly who he meant so I didn't feel it was right to tell him off. We talked about it afterwards and I asked him never to comment on someone's weight or boob size because sometimes it makes them sad.

My eldest is a little like this. I'm trying to think of examples but none are really coming to me. He often will talk about politics or current affairs wether the other person is interested or not. He will also say things that have absolutely no relevance to what we are talking about and will often try to join in more adult conversations where it just isn't appropriate to do so.

It's tricky isn't it!

lots of 8 year olds behave like this. Lots of 18 year olds behave like this!
I'd look out for times when he is appropriate. Praise him for it at the time and talk about it later, particularly in front of other people, describing what he did and how.
Try your best to ignore the over the top behavior. Where you really do need to respond, be as low key as possible and then talk later about why it was inappropriate - he really might not know.
Unless he's being offensive or upsetting please don't worry about him being socially awkward.

Has he had any therapy/CBT to help him manage his behaviour? Look at your local area for Mencap or any charities that work with neurodiverse children. There are lots in my local area who offer therapy and social activities.

The witherslack Group offer lots of resources and training for parents. The ADHD Foundation also does similar and their webinars are helpful for both ADHD & ASC parents.

Oh I get you.
All 4 of my children are autistic. But it's my son I have to worry about.

He told a lady at the supermarket she didn't need those donuts because she's fat enough.

He regularly tells people he doesn't like them because they smell.

He can be very inappropriate with his comments. He doesn't really get boundaries. To him he's telling the truth it's not like he's lying so he's doing nothing wrong.

We just tell him it's not very nice, apologise and move on. There's not much else we can do when his level of understanding isn't there.

Completely depends on the severity of the autism and the level of understanding that child has, which I’m sure you know. (Others reading this thread might not).

My son is 11 and has quite severe autism. He attends complex needs school. He has very little social awareness. He does a lot of things others would and do find embarrassing or inappropriate. Obviously I try to minimise this things when we’re out and about but I could correct him till I’m blue in the face and he still wouldn’t stop doing them because he doesn’t understand why he should / understand the link between his behaviour and what I’m saying to him. (Things like we’ll be in a queue and he’ll kick a shelf or really stare at someone / shout something inappropriate/ pick his nose really obviously / scratch himself intimately etc). It can be really difficult.

You can and should apply for the ehcp yourself. Don’t wait for the school to do it. You don’t need them to do it for you.

Sounds like he’s trying to be funny (for attention and to self-soothe when he feels insecure) and missing the mark. It’s not unusual for kids with his diagnosis. It will make him a target as het gets older. I don’t think you’re over-reacting to be worried.

I agree as I have same severely autistic daughter who wouldn't understand even if I told her. She regularly shouts when in library etc. But if a child is talking specifically about putin and world event then they clearly would be able to understand. And yes I'm sure it's difficult and maybe find it difficult to do whats being asked. but I still think children should be told the social norms and a level of expectation should be at least tried. Someone mentioned a fat lady being told by her boy that she didnt need the dounuts that's not factual that's incredibly rude and I would expect them to be told that. Yes it might not stop the blurting out things but didnt make it acceptable.

Have a look at Dr Siobhan Timmins books “Social Stories”.
She has an autistic son and has been very successful with managing social situations.

And I say that from a neurodiverse family