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Original poster

Potty training help I think I’m doing it all wrong

41 replies

Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:09

DS is 3 years three months. We had a failed attempt at 2.5 and then another try at 2.9 when his grandparents tried it over a weekend when they had him, very well meaning but old school, which resulted in him point blank refusing to sit on the potty and crying hysterically if we tried.

I left it as he obviously wasn’t ready.
Recently he’s been wanting to see what’s inside his nappy, showing interest in the toilet, telling me when he’s wet through in the morning (not often) and saying he needs his nappy changed so I thought he was ready.

we are on day three. I’ve done the stay at home no trousers, picked his own pants etc. the first two days we got two wees in the potty but that was luck because he was just infront of the tv sitting on it. He doesn’t know when he needs to go (I didn’t expect him to straight away) but I don’t know how to help with this? After getting him to try the potty a few times after drinks etc he’s happy to sit on it but then announces he’s done and he’s done a wee and won’t get back on it (when he hasn’t weed) only to wee on the floor or through his pants a few minutes later.

im not making a big deal of accidents, lots of praise when he does succeed and giving him lots of drinks to help him go, we have chocolate buttons for success, although I’ve had to bribe him to actually sit on the potty…

I think I was just expecting by day three for it to have clicked nore? I’m wondering if he’s actually still not ready but don’t want to confuse him by chopping and changing. DH thinks I need to stick with it but he’s not the one stuck inside dealing with it all!

I feel like I’m doing a horrible job.

I wanted to do it over Easter as we have no plans and can actually stay in, usually I’m at work and he’s at nursery all week.

OP posts:
AlltheFs · 11/04/2023 10:15

You mustn’t keep stopping and starting, that definitely makes it worse.

But you have to be watching constantly so you catch the wees, you have to spot the signs before they do. So you can’t be doing anything else, bare bum and potty to hand. Have you worked put his cues? They are all different.

Some take to it faster than others but past 3 is always harder.

I loosely followed the Oh Crap method and I think it’s a really useful guide especially for problems. So I’d read that if you haven’t already (it’s a bit cringey American but good).

Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:18

Thank you! Yes I really regret the stop start, I thought I was doing the right thing at the time and when he got upset when his grandparents tried I didn’t want it to become a battle.

I haven’t worked out his cues properly and I think that’s part of the problem.
I know he takes himself off and squats to poo but its been so quick each time I haven’t managed to catch it.

at the moment I’m giving him lots of drinks, setting a potty song and then encouraging him to sit on the potty when the song goes off (ie when I play it around the time I think he might need to wee) but it’s like he can’t relax or let go on the potty at the moment. Hopefully that will come?

I’ll try the oh crap tip thank you.

I think I’ve really messed this up.

OP posts:
LittleRedYoshi · 11/04/2023 10:19

I've got 3 potty trained kids and my opinion is that potty training approaches/techniques/the things we do as parents actually have very little influence on its success - if kids are ready, they'll get it; if they're not, they won't. All you really need to do is make sure the concepts are familiar to them, regularly give them the opportunity to try (regularly is not the same as constantly - if they're not getting it then take a break for a few weeks) and avoid doing anything to put them off (i.e his grandparents' approach!). In other words, you're already doing all the right things and it's not your fault if it's not clicking yet - it will.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Families Potty training
Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:22

@LittleRedYoshi thank you, I feel like I’ve really made it difficult for him. Hopefully it will click.
he’s currently on the potty demanding snacks and drinks and watching tv and apparently “trying to do a big wee” so we will see if anything happens.

OP posts:
Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:23

He will sit on it for ages then gets off and doesn’t want to get back on again for ages - I’m trying to introduce more regular but shorter tries as I think this will be more helpful.

OP posts:
LittleRedYoshi · 11/04/2023 10:29

He sounds keen, so fingers crossed!

I don't think figuring out the 'cues' is essential, by the way (damn near impossible to watch them that closely when you're potty training twins and supervising another child too!)

KnackeredBack · 11/04/2023 10:32

Not sure if this helps much or not, but like LittleRedYoshi, I have 3 dcs (all adults now) and it was my least favourite bit of parenting, until I got to the 3rd one, when I realised it was bog all to do with my parenting! DS was much like yours and we had a few stop starts until he finally 'got it' at almost 3 1/2. He sorted pees first but we had a battle with poos (always in his pants) for the first few months. No fun for anyone.
DD1 was trained for 3 months at almost 2 and then DD2 arrived and she regressed by peeing behind curtains - didn't like her Dsis, so that put her back in nappies for 6 more months. I was dreading DD2 and then at just over 2 she told me that she didn't like nappies anymore and she wasn't wearing them, either during the day or at night. A single accident and that was it; easiest job ever. Try to chill if you can, as that was I think my main mistake.

MeinKraft · 11/04/2023 10:33

Sounds like he doesn't really know what the potty is for. You could go straight to the toilet, sit on the toilet and point and show him you're doing a pee.

Failing that, when you see him starting to piddle you've got to pick him up and set him on the potty and say 'pee on the potty!'

Try the Steve and Maggie potty video on YouTube too.

Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:33

@KnackeredBack thank you. Yes I wonder if he can sense my frustration (I’m really trying hard not to show any)

OP posts:
Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:34

And the frustration is with myself not with him!

OP posts:
Endofmytetherfinally · 11/04/2023 10:35

Read who gives a crap and follow it religiously. we did it with our 22 month old. She had the odd accident but was almost fully trained within 2 weeks. No bribing (stickers, choc buttons) necessary.

Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:36

@MeinKraft thank you I’ll check those out. I think he knows as if you ask him what goes in the potty he will say wee wee and poo poo but it’s like he doesn’t know he needs to go/isn’t interested or bothered enough until after the fact (gets upset when he has an accident after it’s happened). I think I need to get better at picking up on his cues.

he responds much better to my mum actually and she’s coming over later - she seems to innately know when he needs to go

OP posts:
Kfjsjdbd · 11/04/2023 10:36

We are in the same boat as you this weekend. It took my older one at least 2 weeks to crack it, and I remember crying a lot then! We’ve had similar success to you with our younger one this weekend but I am persisting. It’s so tough though!

Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:38

@Endofmytetherfinally just looking this up now as a previous poster mentioned it already. I fear I have cornered myself by already offering bribes!

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 11/04/2023 10:38

Use the toilet not a potty, unless he is the size of a 1 year old.

Don’t keep stoping and starting.
U wouldn’t eat and drink on the toilet or r sit on it for ages so stop encouraging this behaviour.
Provide plenty of water not squash for him to drink.
Stay strong he will soon be nappy free.

MeinKraft · 11/04/2023 10:39

Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:36

@MeinKraft thank you I’ll check those out. I think he knows as if you ask him what goes in the potty he will say wee wee and poo poo but it’s like he doesn’t know he needs to go/isn’t interested or bothered enough until after the fact (gets upset when he has an accident after it’s happened). I think I need to get better at picking up on his cues.

he responds much better to my mum actually and she’s coming over later - she seems to innately know when he needs to go

Send him to her for a few days then, maybe he'll come back trained Grin

Woahhohoho · 11/04/2023 10:40

This might not be popular but I just let them pretty much do it themselves. Mine showed willing then stopped then started and it drove me mad trying to work out toilet sits and watching for cues. They have a small age gap so it wasn't possible when tending to the other one most of the time.

DD was 2.5 and DS was 3.5 although I didn't think he'd ever get there. Both finally did it in the summer holidays when they were outside a lot with minimal clothing, accidents happened but they got there in the end. I left a potty out in the garden for emergencies and it did get used although both preferred going straight to the toilet with a step and seat ready for them.

Getting my DD to poo on the toilet was a whole other story, she finally nailed it at 4...

Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:40

@Skybluepinky see I knew I was doing it all wrong!
I’ve given him squash as he was refusing to drink otherwise but I will wean that down.

you’re right about eating etc on the potty, I think I’ve just been desperate to try anything so have probably already created bad habits 🙈😭

thanks for all the advice on here, I didn’t expect it to be so hard I don’t know why, I think because he’s “got” everything else so quickly so I’ve had an easy ride so far!

OP posts:
noscoobydoodle · 11/04/2023 11:03

Ah give yourself a break- he will get there! My youngest was stop/start with potty training for a few months. I ended up doing nappies when out (including nursery) and potty at home for a while - with chocolate button bribes to get him to even sit on the potty. He gradually started using the potty himself and then he just seemed to get it. He's now reliable and tells me if he needs to go even when we are out. My older 2 were much quicker and younger to potty train and were reliable after a few days in the garden with a potty on standby - but that just didn't work for DS, which came as a bit of a surprise to me!

jannier · 11/04/2023 11:03

Read the NHS and Eric website. He doesn't sound ready. The oh crap book lives up to its name. If he's truly ready it only takes a few days if you use oh craps methods it takes much longer and when you dress them it starts again.

Endofmytetherfinally · 11/04/2023 11:06

You're not getting it wrong or creating bad habits. It's just some kids take to it easier than others. I've heard girls are easier but no idea if that's the case. You really do just have to persevere. Massively praise them when they do it and try and move on quickly when there's accidents but tell them 'wees and poos go in the toilet)'.

Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 11:28

Oh and I’ve got a big potty that’s like a toilet so he fits on it comfortably. Not like the dinky one we had before.

I’ve ordered a seat and step for the toilet which arrives tomorrow.

he’s now the opposite of refusing to get on it and refusing to get off but he’s done a wee while he’s on it, then I didn’t catch his next cue when he was off as he was distracted, so we’ve had one accident.

OP posts:
Original poster
Embelline · 11/04/2023 11:29

How do you know if they are ready? Do they have to have all the signs? I thought from what I’d read showing a few signs was enough.

he doesn’t seem to realise he’s even gone when he’s had an accident sometimes which made me think perhaps not ready but I also thought that stopping again might be more problematic then trying to persist

OP posts:
MrsALambert · 11/04/2023 11:41

We are on day 10 of potty training my DS who is the same age as yours. I will say after 4 or 5 days I was ready to give up as he wasn’t showing any signs of really getting it. Now we are really getting somewhere. Rather than read his cues I go by time, regularly reminding him to sit on the toilet/potty. He has a little star chart and he loves the fuss I make and choosing a star to go on it. I also used food and drink as bribes (as I did with my first) as he was reluctant to sit on it. He doesn’t need that now and is happy to go. Keep persevering and don’t be too hard on yourself. My eldest was dry in three days so I figured DS2 would be the same, but clearly not.

BananaBlue · 11/04/2023 11:43

I think sitting on the potty for ages doesn’t teach them to recognise the urge to wee?

I started out doing that but then just left him, watched like a hawk then transferred to potty when he was weeing (if that makes sense).

I think it taught when you feel x, sit on potty.

3y3m DS was trained in a week.

Good luck