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Original poster

Potty training help I think I’m doing it all wrong

41 replies

Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:09

DS is 3 years three months. We had a failed attempt at 2.5 and then another try at 2.9 when his grandparents tried it over a weekend when they had him, very well meaning but old school, which resulted in him point blank refusing to sit on the potty and crying hysterically if we tried.

I left it as he obviously wasn’t ready.
Recently he’s been wanting to see what’s inside his nappy, showing interest in the toilet, telling me when he’s wet through in the morning (not often) and saying he needs his nappy changed so I thought he was ready.

we are on day three. I’ve done the stay at home no trousers, picked his own pants etc. the first two days we got two wees in the potty but that was luck because he was just infront of the tv sitting on it. He doesn’t know when he needs to go (I didn’t expect him to straight away) but I don’t know how to help with this? After getting him to try the potty a few times after drinks etc he’s happy to sit on it but then announces he’s done and he’s done a wee and won’t get back on it (when he hasn’t weed) only to wee on the floor or through his pants a few minutes later.

im not making a big deal of accidents, lots of praise when he does succeed and giving him lots of drinks to help him go, we have chocolate buttons for success, although I’ve had to bribe him to actually sit on the potty…

I think I was just expecting by day three for it to have clicked nore? I’m wondering if he’s actually still not ready but don’t want to confuse him by chopping and changing. DH thinks I need to stick with it but he’s not the one stuck inside dealing with it all!

I feel like I’m doing a horrible job.

I wanted to do it over Easter as we have no plans and can actually stay in, usually I’m at work and he’s at nursery all week.

OP posts:

katmarie · 11/04/2023 11:45

We used the oh crap method with both of our kids. It involves keeping them undressed, in the house, and literally watching them like a hawk for a few days. The potty is there and available, but it is not sat on until it's actually needed. You will start to get the tells for needing a wee as you watch them, such as wriggling, squirming, bending over a bit, shifting weight from foot to foot etc. If you can get them to the potty at that point, then great. If you don't spot it, as soon as they start to wee, you nab them and pop them on the potty. And absolutely loads of praise when they do it.

We also went on the potty at set times, first thing in the morning, before meals, before bed, and about once an hour or so we would ask if they needed a wee. We also used chocolate buttons as a reward, although the book doesn't recommend that. It worked for us. We also had the pirate Pete potty book which we read about a million times, that seemed to help a lot.

You will have accidents. We just brushed them off with an 'oh dear, never mind' kind of breezy response. Ds had accidents when he went back to nursery after christmas the first year he was trained. He was potty trained for 20 months or more and still regressed a bit when he started school, not getting to the loo in time a couple of times, he adjusted though and was fine after those couple of accidents.

Original poster

Embelline · 11/04/2023 11:54

Thank you all good tips and advice.
I’ve already seen some progress actually as he recognised he’s done a wee the last two times and got upset and said it needs to go in the potty so I’m going to keep trying and just not put pressure on him
as we have all week until after the weekend when he goes back to nursery

OP posts:

Mutabiliss · 11/04/2023 11:54

It took mine 7 days to take himself off to the potty by himself for a wee. I thought I would lose my mind (though thankfully three of those days were at nursery - and they'd said he was ready so I didn't feel guilty about the five changes of clothes while he was there!) He was just over 3.

He hated the toilet at first and refused to drink enough water to get a decent wee, so potty and squash it was.

The best thing I did was use a reward chart. Character he loved, shiny star stickers, one for every wee in the toilet and a chocolate button when he filled a line. (I didn't pay attention to what the chart actually said, just used it for the character and chart.) He was old enough to understand and be motivated by it.

He's now 4 and still has accidents. He's lazy and leaves it late to go to the toilet, especially at home. Goodness knows when they'll stop!

Interested in this thread?

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BananaBlue · 11/04/2023 12:22

Embelline · 11/04/2023 11:54

This sounds great, looks like he understands the theory (wee in potty) but needs to just recognise the feeling (when I feel x it’s potty time) which will come pretty quick.

A nursery nurse pointed out to me that ‘we’ have a habit of training to use potty instead of training to understand the urge.

emmathedilemma · 11/04/2023 12:54

Take him to the toilet with you when you go too, sit him on it (hold him if needed) and see if that prompts him to go. Some kids don't take to the potty at all but then it's not like they see anyone else pee in a bucket on the living room floor so I can see why they might find it odd!

Original poster

Embelline · 11/04/2023 15:11

Thank you so much everyone. I think we are definitely seeing progress so maybe it’s just going to take him a bit longer.
the last four times he’s gone have been in the potty and the last time I caught his cue and asked if he needed to try and he said yes, ran to the potty and proceeded to do his business. So perhaps I just need a bit more patience and to accept we are bedding in at home for the next few days until he gets the hang of it.

I’ve dusted off the reward chart as well which he didn’t care about before but is now very excited about so that’s helped.

OP posts:

OnMyWayToSenility · 11/04/2023 15:19

My son was asking for a pull up to poo in until he was at least 4 😬

Wee went okay until I removed the potty from the fireplace and he just used to wee in the fireplace for a few weeks! I didn't notice until the smell started one hot sunny day 🤣

Perfectly capable of going to the loo, he just said it was fun to wee in random places 😬

Greysofa · 11/04/2023 15:34

My child was 3 and a half and it was done in a day - no accidents, no need to carry bags and bags of potties and spare clothes around with us. If they are ready, they will grasp it. I hate the ‘training’ phrase, it’s all about the child being ready and creating good habits. Relatives children were being hounded from 2 upwards, took weeks and weeks to get ‘trained’ and even now and 5 & 6 have regular accidents and a poor relationship with toilet habits due to being ‘trained’ when not ready.

Original poster

Embelline · 11/04/2023 15:38

@greysofa interesting. I think he’s ready as the difference from this morning to this afternoon even is a real jump. I think maybe the first two days just didn’t click but we’ve stayed at home today and I’ve been led by him (but asked regularly)

OP posts:

jannier · 11/04/2023 16:05

Embelline · 11/04/2023 10:36

@MeinKraft thank you I’ll check those out. I think he knows as if you ask him what goes in the potty he will say wee wee and poo poo but it’s like he doesn’t know he needs to go/isn’t interested or bothered enough until after the fact (gets upset when he has an accident after it’s happened). I think I need to get better at picking up on his cues.

he responds much better to my mum actually and she’s coming over later - she seems to innately know when he needs to go

Being able to say pooh and wee go on the potty means nothing. Is he dry for over an hour with 1 or 2 reasonably predictable Pooh's a day. Does he tell you his nappy is wet?

Original poster

Embelline · 11/04/2023 16:13

@jannier yes to both. Unless he eats dairy which upsets his stomach so we now avoid.

OP posts:

Original poster

Embelline · 12/04/2023 14:25

Just a quick update I think it’s clicked today. Only one accident which we managed to finish on the potty and we’ve had both wees and poos with him telling me when he needs to go which felt like it was never going to happen two days ago! Thanks for all the advice and reassurance.

OP posts:

emmathedilemma · 12/04/2023 18:16

Hooray! Well done both of you!

LadyJ2023 · 12/04/2023 18:29

Stopping and starting makes it worse.our boy is 2 and girls 1 and none liked potty, went fine on a toilet and now all dry all day. Gotta keep persevering or your teaching its good to pee pants by giving up. I will say took our boy a little longer to click than our 2 girls 😀

Original poster

Embelline · 14/04/2023 16:15

We are doing well, no wet accidents since Tuesday I think (maybe Wednesday I’ve lost track) but he’s now for the last two days not going at all apart from a wee when he wakes up then holding until 2pm! Because he’s not weeing in the morning I’m giving him lots of fluid and then from 2pm onwards it’s every half an hour for a wee as obviously his bladder is full.
im hoping this settles down and he’s just getting used to everything? He doesn’t seem uncomfortable when he’s not going in the morning, but it can’t be good for him.

im going to stop squash tomorrow and just do water and morning milk and see if that gets him back to normal.

OP posts:

Original poster

Embelline · 14/04/2023 16:19

I also need to wean off the treats now as we had to use a sticker chart and a chocolate button or mini biscuit to get him to go each time.. so now I’m going to switch to just for number two as he’s struggling a bit with knowing he’s ready for those then hopefully just a stamp on the hand and a sticker! Quite paranoid his teeth might be suffering after this week but needs must!

OP posts:

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