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Original poster

How do working parents do it?

28 replies

Dreamitaway · 09/04/2023 09:52

I work Monday to Friday 9 - 5, I've just been promoted and was previously was doing shift work whilst my partner looked after the kids, but this wasn't great money wise and it was damaging his mental health.

My partner is now working shifts, some are day shifts and others are nights.

My house is a constant mess, I don't mean untidy, I mean it needs a good scrub top to bottom and we do this and with 3 kids, it ends up in a mess pretty much the next day. I have zero energy, something I'll be going to gp about when I can get an appointment, but after work I pick the kids up at 5.30 and don't get home till 6, where I have to do a quick dinner.

The kids need bathing and on Tuesday, they go swimming which I tend to do on my own. I also suffer with poor mental health and chronic back problems, the tidiness of the house is something I really struggle with especially when my partner does a week or two of nights as it's pretty much just me doing everything or well trying anyway.

We need some kind of routine, but I'm so tired all the time I feel unable to keep up my side. I go to other people's houses and they're so tidy and clean. My house looks like a bomb has gone off.

Sorry for the long rant, I just feel so stuck and not able to do anything. I'm so tired of being tired all the time.

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 09/04/2023 09:55

If the DC are old enough to swim then they’re old enough to tidy. Other things…can childcare feed them? Our childminder does, so collecting at 6 is much less of a rush. If you’re both now working is there spare cash to outsource?

QueenBee1234 · 09/04/2023 10:10

I have done 45 mins cleaning before work since the kids were babies.
So in a morning all kitchen surfaces are wiped clean, dishwasher gets loaded. Hoover all floors downstairs and both bathrooms are sprayed down and cleaned. Laundry goes in the washing machine ready to be put in the dryer later or hung out depending on the weather.
I get up at 5.00am to give myself time to get it all done, there is no simple solution that doesn't involve less sleep unless you can afford a cleaner.
Doing it this way means I come home to a clean house every day and don't have to worry about it when I am rushing the kids to their activities in the evening.
I have an autoimmune condition which causes fatigue but I think I will be tired no matter how much I sleep so I might as well get on with it and live in nice clean surroundings!

QueenBee1234 · 09/04/2023 10:12

Forgot to mention, I also do a couple of hours at the weekend doing the bigger jobs, deep cleaning etc.
Once I got into the routine it doesn't actually feel like I'm doing loads and I still have time to do plenty with the kids! Get your husband/partner on board as well!

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Families
Nishky32 · 09/04/2023 10:15

Can you afford a cleaner- even once a month would help. Otherwise routines- children help tidy. It’s tough though working full time.

shivawn · 09/04/2023 10:16

Hi OP,
We are 2 working parents but only one child (8 weeks pregnant with number 2 though). My house is constantly messy so I completely relate to you there. We finally agreed yesterday that we're not staying on top of things and it's time to suck it up and pay out for a cleaner to come once a week. Is this an option for you at all?

coodawoodashooda · 09/04/2023 10:16

Everyone says it but you need to declutter.

WhoHidTheCoffee · 09/04/2023 10:17

Shifts sound awkward but also, don’t be too hard on yourself as in my experience, something has to give when you both work and it’s either money, time or standards!

Our routine is to run the dishwasher last thing and one of us empties it first thing. Washing up done at the end of the evening and left to drain overnight. Kitchen sides wiped down each evening and table so we can start afresh in the morning. I do a load of laundry every other day in winter as that’s how long it takes to dry inside - I either put it to come on first thing or do it of an evening depending on what suits me best.

I tend to do things like hoovering/bathrooms/dusting/changing beds and towels at the weekend and on a rotation, which would fall short of Mumsnet standards but is reasonably sanitary. But we now have a robot hoover for downstairs which could run each evening if we were that way inclined.

WhoHidTheCoffee · 09/04/2023 10:17

Oh, and we have a supermarket delivery most weekends and try to order in such a way that we don’t need to do top up shops.

Noicant · 09/04/2023 10:19

You need to figure out a rota with your partner. I found the organised mum method really helpful. Try splitting the tasks on that sheet, if the kids are old enough give them one as well.

YukoandHiro · 09/04/2023 10:20

I feel the same, 2 DC under six and a DH who works shifts. The house is a state and it affects my mental health. When we get the 30 free hours of childcare next year I'm going to get a cleaner

amyboo · 09/04/2023 10:20

A place for everything is ket - that way kids can learn from a very early age to out away tous, games and even their own clothes. When ours were little, we used a mix of Ikea Trofast (plastic drawers) and Kallax (open cube shelves with some baskets for card games etc). Kids learnt very early on which box was for Dulpo, which for toy cars etc and they were encouraged/told to tidy toys away from age 2-3. Now they're older, we have drawer units with labels on for craft stuff, lego etc.

Cleaner once a week does the big cleaning, DH and I run the hoover round, wipe the kitchen etc. We both work full time in another country (so no family nearby) and have 3 kids. It works

Hercisback · 09/04/2023 10:21

We have a cleaner once every 2 weeks.

H works 4 days and tidies on his day off.

I use holidays to get as straight as possible. Then term times are less chaotic.

Throw stuff away is my biggest win. Do small bursts of cleaning, eg 10 mins in the kitchen. Then leave it.

CornishGem1975 · 09/04/2023 10:24

We both work full time, have a toddler and I have other DC and my DH has other DC. It's manic. I lowered my standards.

S72 · 09/04/2023 10:25

I'm a single parent and work full time. I try to keep things tidy as I go, batch cook things so on busy days with after school activities there is a quick, healthy meal available.

Rule is the kitchen must be clean and clear before going to bed.

Delegate jobs to DS such as keeping room tidy, emptying dishwasher, stripping beds for washing, feeding his cat etc.

I try to blitz things before I sit down in the evening and do a different thing each eve to keep on top of it. You can do quite a bit in 30min!

I try to get an early night when needed rather than wasting time scrolling.

Getting in a routine and no letting it build up is key. And doing things as you go. For instance, while the pasta is boiling, fold clothes up and pop them away. Or clean the microwave. Or something!

Get shit done, then rest. Also try some supplements to support your energy - iron, vitamins...

Nismet · 09/04/2023 10:25

Fatigue has had much more impact on my ability to keep the house clean than work ever did.

Is your partner doing his bit? If you are ill this might need to be more than half.

Could you consider paying for a one off deep clean? I think that might be better money spent than a couple of hours a week of a cleaner.

Original poster
Dreamitaway · 09/04/2023 10:29

At the minute we have no spare money, I'm paying off a lot of debt that I got myself in quite a while back when we were only one income.

We definitely need a clear out and more storage, we have next to none storage. The problem is, everything is money. I'm going to look on some free cycle sites, to see if anyone is gifting anything.

A rota is something we need to work on, but it's really hard to find something that works and that everyone will stick too. I'm so depressed over the mess at the moment and I'm constantly exhausted. I've just put food in the slow cooker, so I'll try and put some music on and clean whilst my DH is sleeping.
The kids will guarantee start arguing or shouting for me. It's just never ending and I feel so rough right now. Sorry for the whinge, I'm having a moment I think 🤣

OP posts:
whoami24601 · 09/04/2023 10:30

Invite people that will judge you round once a month. Its the only way I've found to motivate me and DH to do the 'big clean'. Delegate! Eldest DD is in charge of making sure the front room is tidy while DH and I put the younger 2 to bed. At least we have 1 tody room at bedtime!

Original poster
Dreamitaway · 09/04/2023 10:33

My energy levels have been so poor for quite some time. I've been to gp before and they did bloods, all they said was my folic acid was extremely low and gave me supplements for 3 months. I've felt no improvements and being this tired all the time is so depressing, makes me feel like a failure as I'm always either cleaning or sleeping. I miss out on so much.

I'm always in bed by 8.30/9pm, I do wonder if it's the actual quality of my sleep as I snore terribly.

OP posts:
User0610139736 · 09/04/2023 10:36

coodawoodashooda · 09/04/2023 10:16

Everyone says it but you need to declutter.

This ^^

less stuff really helps
not more storage - less stuff

Nismet · 09/04/2023 10:41

I get that OP.

Sounds like a good plan.

For general clutter I call everyone together and ask them all to pitch in, in the main living area, for 10 mins. If we have done the clutter in that time then kids can sweep a floor, empty a bin, do a bit of dusting or make a start on their rooms. Do it every day and it makes a huge difference. But JFDI every day is the tricky bit. And be realistic about what you can do without the storage.

Are there any "quick wins" you can use to make some storage space in existing cupboards? Old bedding and towels, outgrown toys and clothes, medicines and toiletries?

For toys you could even get eg new trofast boxes for now but without the unit. They stack if you get the lids too. Then upgrade them from stacked to in a unit when you can find a second hand unit. We have quite a lot of random Expedit and trofast boxes as storage in various wardrobes etc, not in the units themselves.

OhSmitty · 09/04/2023 10:43

Declutter definitely. Having less things means less mess.
The main things to keep on top of are dishes and laundry and keep kitchen and bathroom clean. Other than that, it's a quick wipe down and hoover once a week.

TeenLifeMum · 09/04/2023 10:44

I lowered my standards and every now and then I lose my shit and dh and dc tidy/clean. Dh is very good but has lower standards than me. We also have a cleaner. Dh and I love her and would sacrifice other expenses to keep her.

QueenBee1234 · 09/04/2023 10:46

I get it OP, have your whinge on here if it makes you feel better!
Just remember though whinging won't actually clean anything for you😬
Like I said before, I am permanently knackered due to my health condition. The thing is I would feel worse if my house was a tip so I muddle through and keep on top of it.
There comes a point when you just accept that whether you clean or rest you will feel tired anyway, so you might as well get it done and enjoy being tired in a nice sparkling clean home.

Grumpybutfunny · 09/04/2023 11:05

When I took my first promotion into a stressful job it was on a condition the salary uplift was to fund a cleaner. I tidy before she comes but by mid week the house is a tip unless people are coming over. I love my job and would rather DS had time for activities than me waste time cleaning. Honestly if I had more time it would be more hobbies for me not cleaning. I've recently had a bit of a health wake up call so will be trying to fit gym time into a packed schedule aswell 😬

DH earns less than me through choice so the deal is I pay the lions share of the mortgage and he does the ironing for DS and him. I personally leave the ironing board up in the dressing room and iron or steam daily as I find my stuff gets creased in the wardrobe.

You have your whole life to have a tidy house, whilst raising kids is not the time to try and do it

hermioneee · 09/04/2023 11:09

Have you seen/ tried The Organised Mum method? 30 minutes a day and check off the things you've done. It really helps me keep on top of things.
Google it. It's all pretty obvious but I need a system in order to feel on top of things. If you're the same it might help too.