How do you feel about your childhood experience of religion?

[nomorespaghetti]

Growing up in the 90s I went to a very white C of E primary, went to church & Sunday school, but we weren’t super religious at home. As a child I didn’t get a lot of comfort from Christianity, my main takeaway from the experience was that god knew everything I thought, and I should be ashamed of basically everything I did/thought, and I would go to hell if I wasn’t “good”.

When I was maybe 8 or 9 my mum mentioned that some people believe different things, and some people don’t believe in god at all. It was an absolute revelation - I never knew that was an option! It took me a while to accept that I didn’t believe (and a lot of guilt/shame), but basically I realised I was an atheist.

My kids are having a very different experience. Me and DH are both atheist. Kids school is not a faith school, and around 75% Muslim children. We’ve talked a lot about why different people observe different festivals, and DD7 knows more about Ramadan, Eid, Diwali than e.g. Easter. I’ve explained that daddy and me don’t believe in god and we don’t have a religion, lots of other people have different religions, and that they can decide when they are grownups if they want to join a religion or not. We celebrate Easter and Christmas as spring and winter festivals, not religious festivals.

I overheard DD saying to her friend last week that she doesn’t have a religion or believe in god (friend was a bit shocked and came to check with me that she’d heard right!) I’m really glad she doesn’t seem to have the guilt/shame hangups that I did as a child.

It made me think a lot about how Christianity being taught as fact to me at school as a child was really not good for me. I’m interested to know other people’s experiences of religion in childhood, and how they’ve influenced them as adults, or how you feel about those early experiences now?

I went to a white C of E church school in a small village. No mix of other religions at all, apart from two girls who were Jehovah’s Witnesses. We sang hymns in assembly every day, and went to the village church for Christmas and Easter and Harvest Festival. My parents were broadly Christian but didn’t go to church. We were taught bible stories at school (primary and secondary) as fact, and didn’t learn about other religions at all. I’d always assumed I was broadly Christian too until my father died when I was in my first year at university. My mum said to me “don’t worry, he will always be watching over you.” It made me think about what I really believed - could he see what I was doing now, when he couldn’t when he was alive? Did I really think there was an afterlife? Was he gone forever? Did I really think I had an immortal soul? Do other animals have souls? What about other religions - would we all end up in the same place? Why were some bible rules applied while others weren’t?

I’ve been an atheist since then.

I still like the songs, though.

I had a religious upbringing. As an adult I have been to a few different churches. I have tried to give my children a bit of faith, hoping it would help them in life. Most of them are atheists. It took the death of someone close to me to realise I don't know what I believe anymore. Maybe this life is it and that's it when we die, but I believe that if there is a god, they understand my current difficulties with belief.

I went to a primary school with a “broadly Christian ethos”, we sang hymns & read bible stories, but did learn a bit about other religions as well. Both my parents were ardent atheists, and told me I had to go to carol and Easter services at school because aside from being religious activities, they were cultural ones. They told me just to ignore the religious stuff if I wanted to, that some people believe all that, but I didn’t have to, but it might be wise if I didn’t say that at school. They made sure to teach me about other religions themselves.
So I grew up atheist, still am atheist. My kids also say they’re atheist (and my DD is getting v angry about how Christianity is getting taught in her non-religious primary school).

I’m extremely resentful. We moved to put my sibling and into the ‘best’ single sex Catholic schools. It was very full on, nuns and priests were a constant presence, lots of being made to feel bad for doing ordinary childhood things eg trying a cigarette/rebelling against going to church, lots of angry God shall strike you own stuff. The worst bit was my mother then deciding she didn’t believe anymore but expecting us to carry on with the whole rigmarole.

My little cousins have experienced a very different situation and are very into Church, organising events, full on social life there, which is great for them and how it could have been for us if my parents had bothered.

I was raised an atheist as one of my parents was quite traumatised due to being forced to take part in religious activities. He was in church all day Sunday, this included greeting people and cleaning the whole church after, same after school every single day of the week, either at meetings waiting for his parents and cleaning whilst he waited. He was terrified of God. Had to pray in front of a statue of jesus in his house that had blood dripping down his hands. He and all of his siblings are estranged from their parents now and are all atheists. I have no issue with religion, but what he experienced was child labour (because of the parents, and the religious leaders who were happy to see a bunch of kids cleaning their church 6 days a week when they should have been out playing). A lot of other kids at the same church were the same. Raised to be absolutely terrified of God and in fear that he would smite them of they put a step wrong. I'd love to know if anyone had a similar experience.

I grew up culturally CofE. Went to a CofE Aided school, went to church with my godparents or my mum on and off, and later joined the church choir (because I liked singing).

I soon lost any (very superficial) belief that I had, and now consider myself a very tolerant atheist. I respect other people's beliefs, as long as they themselves respect others, and I'm fortunate that any very religious people I know are thoroughly good people. So I get very annoyed with those atheists who generalise negatively about those of faith.

I was raised in a very religious house, church twice every Sunday, Sunday school, postal bible school, girls brigade instead of guides etc. I'm not religious any more but I don't feel so bad about the intense religiosity of my childhood, still like singing hymns but I do remember being so afraid of even accidentally swearing or doing anything wrong because of Hell.

I've gone the opposite way with my children, raising them without religion, no RE at school (school religious lessons in Finland are very Lutheran, it's not like in the UK where its taught as some people believe this, others believe that etc. So instead DD does the secular option of ethics), DD wasn't allowed to go to easter and Christmas services with nursery or religious assemblies at school. I feel now that she missed out a bit so DS is allowed to go to services with nursery but I'll most likely still do ethics class instead of RE

Feel quite traumatised by my Catholic upbringing, and glad to say that I haven’t raised my children in the faith, or any religious faith, although we talk about all sorts of religious belief systems. I remember being told to have unquestionable faith and that I needed to confess my sins to random, self appointed holy men. So much talk of hell and how basically we are all sinners. And that women will never be equal to men, and essentially have a subservient role. And then there are all the awful things that happened in the church, that has been covered up by the church. Why would you ever allow your child to be exposed to that? What kind of values are these? But that’s the nature of blind faith, and that’s how it’s gets passed on to the next generations because people do not question.

Broadly similar to some PPs - went to a small CofE primary school, hymns and prayers every day, big on the Christian festivals, a couple of Muslim children and a couple of Jehovah’s Witness children who didn’t participate. A very friendly atmosphere and I loved the singing. But I’ve always been a very logical person & was a precocious (and probably quite insufferable…) child, & I remember thinking that the whole God thing didn’t quite make sense, along with Father Christmas.

My parents identified as culturally Christian but didn’t attend church. I was baptised, but in the late 1980s I think it was more “what you did” than any kind of spiritual ceremony. I certainly don’t get any spiritual guidance from my godparents, although I am very close to one of them.

Another school in the town, had a majority of pupils of south Asian origin and I remember asking my parents why, and they then told me about my school’s ties to the church and how not all schools were like that.

Grew up no religious beliefs and we're still the same.

Ive only ever stepped foot in a church for a wedding and a christening.

Went to a CofE school in a large, mostly white, village. Daily assembly with prayers and hymns which I enjoyed. No church or religious activities outside school, only vaguely aware of other religions.

Tried to believe in god (more due to Enid Blyton than school! I really aspired to boarding school and adventures 😂) but never really did.

Still like a prayer and a hymn but it's more about cadence and familiarity, never about any kind of faith

Anglican upbringing here. It was ace - nice, active church, safe environment for friends. Still religious now.

I was a child in an era when C of E daily assemblies with prayers were the norm for many of us. AFAIK my parents were believers, but we weren’t a churchgoing or ‘religious’ family. I always enjoyed the hymn-singing at school (still love many trad hymns) and I still love the language of the St James Bible, though now hear it only on Christmas Eve (festival of 9 lessons and carols).

I don’t consider that I was ‘brainwashed’ in any way, nor does dh, whose education was very similar. By mid to late teens we had certainly started to think for ourselves and to make up our own minds about it all.

Dh is a full-on atheist. I would consider myself an atheist who sometimes wishes I wasn’t - as a child I found it very comforting to believe that e.g. much-loved grandparents had gone to heaven, and that I’d see them again one day. I was never threatened with hell - you’d have to be really wicked to end up there!

It was very different for many others, I know. In particular what an Irish friend (almost exactly the same age as me) has told me of her religious education by nuns, is enough to make your hair stand on end. Horrific.

Raised in a very devout Catholic family, convent school, the lot.

I actually feel a bit angry about it that I had no choice as a child/teenager. Had to go to mass every Sunday, Christmas, Easter. Felt the guilt, obligation, believed everything they told me.

DH was the same so we raise our children with no religion. They do study some religion in school and we never impose our ideas on them. They sometimes talk about how they can't believe we had to go to church at weekends and special occasions. They would hate it if we brought them.

Honestly, I feel free from it all now. Even if I have to put up with the "we're so disappointed" comments from family members.

King James Bible, not St!

Angry.
I can’t write any more because I can’t be civil and not swear.
But furious when I think about it.

I was brought up atheist to the point that my mum told me that when you die it's like going to sleep but it's all black and you don't dream, forever.

My dad’s side of the family, except his brother, were/are very religious. His parents, who were born in the 20’s had differing methods when it came to religion. My grandad was the quiet, religion is a private affair type. He was a lovely man, and I miss him very much. My dad’s mother, on the other hand, (and I never refer to her as my nan or nana, as I did with my mum’s mum) was a spiteful, vengeful, smite you down, quote bits of the bible at you type, and I disliked her intensely. She strongly disliked my mum, thinking that she was never good enough for my dad, and when my grandad was in his last days, she called her 3 children on a Thursday evening in April 1994 to say he had died when he didn’t actually pass until the Saturday. She said that she was tired of people going to the hospital to visit him and ignoring her. When the 3 adult children, then raced to York from NW England, London and Leeds, they went to their flat rather than the hospital, and she got all the attention she wanted that evening. When my aunt (the only girl, and the eldest), the next morning, came to attempt to start funeral arrangements, the truth came out. I guess “the witch” thought he was so close that he would die overnight anyway and her secret would never be found out.

My primary school was culturally C of E, but the church it was linked to was too far for us all to walk to for a Christmas or Easter service, so they would just hold it in the school hall. Other than that, there was only morning assembly where religion really featured, and even that was too much for me. I don’t ever remember thinking that the tales told in church were remotely feasible. The first time I can remember being in a church was just after I had joined the Brownies, and I just sat there bored shitless. That never changed as I got older; I lasted less than 6 months in the Girl Guides, as I decided it was too religious. Turns out DH’s aunt was Brown Owl - the only part of his dad’s massive family that is overtly religious.

I strongly dislike religion’s effect on society, especially government, law-making and I’ve always disliked the brand of religion that some of my family proscribe to. I am strongly supportive of anyone following whatever religion they like (or none), but I do not respect religion itself; although it benefits some people, I think it’s generally corrosive.

Yes, I'm the same, and DD is determinedly atheist. I don't have a faith but I do love the feeling of peace that seems to be part of older churches. Plus the architecture and windows can be stunning (live in an area of magnificent wool churches).

I was bought up in an evangelistic church in the 80s. It was awful. Judgmental, racist, sexist, homophobic, hell and damnation, casting out of spirits, petty leadership, small minded. Yet when I rebelled (aka refused to attend) I was the problem. It took me years to get over the trauma of my childhood and I spent my teens and twenties feeling like a black sheep and scape goat. I have not inflicted religion onto my own children and have instead bought them up with love, kindness, fairness and respect.

My family is historically very religious, some current family are still, but I was raised to have a choice, and I made up my mind aged 9!

Any religion that is taught as fact rather than just one option among many is fundamentally about lying to children. It is therefore wrong.

Which brings me on to the state-finding of schools that lie to children .... hmmm ...

funding

Yes I feel free now too despite odd family comments

Grew up in a very diverse area of London with Irish parents who had both completely abandoned Catholicism the moment they left Ireland as young adults, and who raised us pretty much atheist, or at least with religion having no meaning or role in our lives.

My schools were a fairly typical inner London school ms of the 1980s & 90s. Non-denominational, Kids of all faiths and none, maybe half or more the kids black or Asian, we sang Christian hymns in assembly but also celebrated Diwali and Eid. I never had particularly strong feelings about religion, was taught to respect other peoples beliefs and that was that.

I’ve raised my kids without religion, although they were both baptised in the Catholic Church as DH’s mother would’ve been devastated otherwise (I know some may say I’m a hypocrite but whatever - we made the decision). They didn’t go to RC schools or make communion, though. Both teens now and no interest in religion so far.

My best friends are a hippy Buddhist, a non religious but very proud Jew and an evangelical Christian. We don’t discuss religion much. It takes all sorts!