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Original poster

Don’t want to go on holiday with family

52 replies

Rosebean · 08/04/2023 21:50

We are going on holiday with DH’s family in a few months time to a beach resort in Spain. They asked us to go with them and it’s all booked and paid for.

I just don’t want to go. We are simply not beach/lying around a pool people (they are and will sulk if we leave the resort to sight-see) and what possessed us to agree is beyond me; the only benefit is for all our DC to holiday together.

What makes it worse is that I absolutely hate myself right now and the size I have become. I used to be a 10 and I’m now an 18. I look and feel vile and definitely don’t want to be seen in a swimsuit by SIL who is a size 8 and likes to look me up and down when fully clothed so heaven knows what she will think of me in a swimsuit. I’ll be the only fat person in the family group.

I guess it’s brought it to a head today as we visited FIL and he handed out Easter eggs to everyone but he gave me a box of Slim-Fast choc bars. I nearly died of shame. I left them there at his house. I am so upset and humiliated and I just don’t want to go on this holiday. To not go would cause WW3. I just don’t know what to do anymore and it’s just another thing that I feel so down about. I think I may be in perimenopause but everything is getting me down. How am I going to cope on this holiday? 😢

OP posts:
Thepossibility · 08/04/2023 22:48

Of course you shouldn't be going anywhere with someone who gave you diet food in front of other people! Outrageous!
Why would you go on holidays with a bully?!

Crikeyalmighty · 08/04/2023 22:48

I wouldn't go either OP- was it meant to be funny? Is he one of these 'oh what a laugh I am' kind of geezers!! Because he's actually a total knob- I would jet the others go if they wish to, but not go myself

Inthebathagain · 08/04/2023 23:07

What everyone else said. FIL was vile.

Don't go. Have a better time at home knowing you're comfortable and happy and not being judged every minute of the day by horrid people.

Make sure they know why you aren't going too. The behaviour is unacceptable and it's time to tell them so.

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LadyGAgain · 08/04/2023 23:11

You FIL is a disgusting bully. That was beyond forgivable. What's your DH going to do or say about it?
I also find myself in a place where I don't want to 'enter certain events or occasions' and I'm not. I used to. I'm now not. I feel better for it. I still find it really hard to not but, I know it's right for me. Do the same for you. A holiday is a huge investment in time and money. Don't spend it with toxic people.

Awrite · 08/04/2023 23:16

Please don't go on this holiday. You matter too. Time to stand up for yourself.

GreenClock · 08/04/2023 23:19

Crikey. I was going to say YABU when I thought it was just the swimsuit thing, but then I saw the part about the chocolate bars. That is horrible. I hope that your partner’s response to his father was robust.

QueefQueen80s · 08/04/2023 23:22

Erm I hope your husband said something? No way would I go after that cruelness, I hope you don't get that all the time?

smoocakes6 · 08/04/2023 23:25

That's really hurtful and humiliating. I feel for you x not nice and not necessary .

Meandfour · 08/04/2023 23:27

Hercisback · 08/04/2023 22:01

Ww3 should have started after he gave you the bars.

Don't go.

This! Surely the massive row that happened because of his fucking vile bullying today means you won’t be going on the holiday anyway….

If, for some strange reason, it didn’t all kick off today then why the hell hasn't your DH had your back over this? What did you say when he handed them to you?

NurseCranesRolodex · 08/04/2023 23:28

On his birthday gift him a dried up mini cactus. Don't go on the holiday, stand up for yourself and tell DH to let everyone know you choose to have quiet family holiday yourselves this year and never go back.

OrigamiOwls · 08/04/2023 23:35

How did you DH react to this? WW3 needs starting in this instance.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 08/04/2023 23:59

This is so nasty! I really hope your husband put him in his place. Not in a million years do you need to subject yourself to that on holiday. Disgusting behaviour!

Rosecottage888 · 09/04/2023 00:16

Your father in law gave you slim fast bars!?

No, you did not start WW3, he did, and you should bloody well let him know that! Disgusting and disrespectful behaviour that I personally couldn't let go.

Perfect reason to not go on the holiday you don't want to go on 👍🏼

Carlycat · 09/04/2023 01:23

You'd be insane to go on holiday with this vile bunch of people. I'd tell them to fuck off then go NC. Your life will be enriched without toxic bullies

Youdoyoubabe · 09/04/2023 01:30

I don't think it is nasty to give you slimfast bars instead of chocolate if you are overweight. I mean if everyone was having drinks and there was an alcoholic there you would not expect them to be given a drink.

I get you though. I am quite fat too don't really want to jump into a bikini too often either. Either suck it up and go or just get 'ill' a couple of days before and have to stay home. or have a work crisis or something.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 01:47

You are an adult you don't have to go anywhere or with anyone you don't like, no one can make you.

Let them bitch and moan about it, they
have been disgusting to you, if your DH is expecting you to tow the line ask him how he would feel if your mother or father did something so vile to him.

Stand up for yourself.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/04/2023 01:49

Youdoyoubabe · 09/04/2023 01:30

I don't think it is nasty to give you slimfast bars instead of chocolate if you are overweight. I mean if everyone was having drinks and there was an alcoholic there you would not expect them to be given a drink.

I get you though. I am quite fat too don't really want to jump into a bikini too often either. Either suck it up and go or just get 'ill' a couple of days before and have to stay home. or have a work crisis or something.

Don't be thick, it is extremely rude, the only way it wouldn't be so is if op had asked for slimfast instead.

Northernsouloldies · 09/04/2023 01:53

Exactly he singled her out to humillate and that equates to him being a grade A cunt.

Catwithbigfeet · 09/04/2023 01:53

Why would you willingly go on holiday with a bunch of bullies ?
Holidays are meant to be enjoyable.
I bet they all had a laugh after you left. As is so often the case with bullies, they have to make someone feel bad in order to feel good about themselves.

What did your dh say about this ?
Stand up to them, refuse to go and arrange something else for you and DCs to enjoy.

Agree with others here: fil has already started ww3.
If your dh doesn’t back you on this you should dump him too.

Fuck the whole toxic lot of them!

Catwithbigfeet · 09/04/2023 02:01

@Youdoyoubabe
”I don't think it is nasty to give you slimfast bars instead of chocolate if you are overweight. I mean if everyone was having drinks and there was an alcoholic there you would not expect them to be given a drink.

I get you though. I am quite fat too don't really want to jump into a bikini too often either. Either suck it up and go or just get 'ill' a couple of days before and have to stay home. or have a work crisis or something.”

What a stupid reply. Do you not get how toxic and rude the FIL was to the OP ?
Are you saying you would do the same to one of your guests ?

JudgeRudy · 09/04/2023 02:23

It does sound rude on the face of it but what if OP had previously said she was trying to lose weight. Maybe she's eaten them before and they though OP will like them. If OP is the only overweight person he (MIL) could well have bought them especially for OP, as in trying to be nice.
Are you sure OP it was done as a way to have a laugh at you or was it a clumsy effort to be nice? I am of course just asking, no implying anything

JamMakingWannaBe · 09/04/2023 03:10

I'd be going. Only you care what you look like in a bikini - noone else GAF. Spend some money on a really nice one so you feel fabulous. I would not have anyone dictating that I could not go sightseeing though. It's my holiday and I'll do what I want!

reallyreallyverytired · 09/04/2023 03:15

If your husband doesn't lose his shit at your fil then he's just as much of a cunt. What a horrifying thing to do.

reallyreallyverytired · 09/04/2023 03:17

Youdoyoubabe · 09/04/2023 01:30

I don't think it is nasty to give you slimfast bars instead of chocolate if you are overweight. I mean if everyone was having drinks and there was an alcoholic there you would not expect them to be given a drink.

I get you though. I am quite fat too don't really want to jump into a bikini too often either. Either suck it up and go or just get 'ill' a couple of days before and have to stay home. or have a work crisis or something.

Yeah addiction is exactly the same as being overweight.

Billybagpuss · 09/04/2023 03:39

I think you need to separate how you feel about yourself and how you feel about your in laws. Fil is an arse, I hope DH stood up for you and I would certainly be going low contact for a while.

as for the holiday I’m 100% in the don’t go camp but family dynamics being what they are I fear that is unlikely so if/when you’re there plan your time around what you want and if they want to sulk that’s on them, treat them like you would a moody toddler.

Then you need to think about you. It’s easy to say don’t worry about your size but that’s easier said than done. If you think you are peri go to the dr and see what they think. Also try reading davina McCall menopause. I didn’t even know peri menopause was a thing when I hit it, I’m now out the other side and can not believe the difference. My mood is consistent, It’s like a fog has been lifted. Start trying to do things that make you feel good and focus on that rather than the weight.

and the best bit about being the other side of menopause I no longer give a fuck what people think of how I look.

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