Is it just us with nothing to do this Easter?

[IsItUs]

This long and lovely Easter weekend? Feels like it. Feeling a bit lonely.
We can find something to entertain ourselves but we'd have loved an invite of any sort.
In recent years we've been prolific hosters. BBQs, drinks, pizza, special occasions. Various different families. Nothing special, we're not loaded, house is modest, but we like seeing people. They always make noises about inviting us back but never do.
We were recently attending same event as one family we've hosted a few times (never reciprocated) and they suggested we all eat out after. The event was in their home town. We were chuffed, as they'd actually suggested it even if they weren't hosting. Except they bailed on the day as "too tired". I suspect they'd hoped we'd say "come to ours". I've only heard from this friend since when she tried to sell me her MLM wares.
Last summer we decided to stop hosting for a while as it gets expensive and is a lot of effort with busy lives. We kind of hoped someone might suggest we visit them at some point or a meet up. Anything would be welcome. Any suggestion or invitation so it doesn't feel like it's only us who wants to see them.
So having not hosted for 9 months or so, we've been invited to do nothing.
None of this was over a short period. It's been years since we had an invite. I understand people can be lazy and busy, but everyone we know?
Feeling bit sorry for ourselves. I know we could host again or suggest something and have friends to see but why always us?
I don't think we're unlikeable, we've been on weekends away with some of these friends (organised by us), but there's just no attempt to see us otherwise.
We've tried with newer friends but decided against proffering repeat invites in the hope they'd suggest something next but nada so it fizzles out. We feel jaded by it now.
We're in our 50s and both self employed with no local family. We have teenagers, as do nearly all the families we have hosted.
Anyone else with B-all to do this weekend?
We'll make the best of it, but at mid-50s I think the chances of us making some good friends to have nice sociable occasions with are slim.
Anyone else in the Norma No-Mates boat?

OP we have some friends (parents from school) who are like you probably are. Before lockdown, they were always doing something. I don't know how they have time to do their DIY, cleaning, washing, life admin and also sleep.

They do something with other people almost every weekend. I can't stay up past about 8pm and the idea of all that socialising horrifies me!

We have two teenagers and haven't had anyone to our house apart from my parents at Xmas, since last May. And we havent don't any socialising of any kind since last october. That's pretty normal for a lot of people I think.

If someone invited us for lunch or dinner I might think I would then feel obliged to invite them back at some point, but it wouldn't fill me with relish, even if I really like those people.

I think people just don't want to do formal social events anymore.

I don't dislike all those people we know, it's just the idea of talking to them for hours and coming up with conversation topics is exhausting especially after a week at work.

Perhaps your old social circle are the same.

And fwiw, we are all alone at home this weekend too. We've had wine in the garden and are bbq-ing today. Then I might clean the windows tomorrow!

We're heading to the coast to have fish & chips, a walk and an ice cream. I've invited my family to join us and I'm going regardless whether they come or not.

This is what I do with my family now, I tell them I'll be at x place at x time and they're welcome to join us if they want. They sometimes join us and often they don't but I don't hang around waiting for an invitation. I go out regardless and enjoy my life because it's too short to waste on waiting for an invitation.

Thank you all. I do appreciate it.

Just to clarify: this isn't just about hosting, it's about suggestions. We haven't expected turn-taking in hosting and totally get that some don't host.

We also suggest outings with friends from time to time, eg. Cinema, a walk, a coffee shop/cake, etc. The friends say yes and come.

It's more we're not invited to anything we don't suggest.

This is where it hurts. I genuinely can't remember the last time someone messaged and said "would you like to do x, y or z". Our messages are silent. In the 9 months since we stopped hosting we've literally seen no one socially, other than in-laws. The only message we got was from MLM friend suggesting a meal after an event local to them but they bailed on the day as "too tired" but she did make noises about couldn't face sitting in a restaurant so I think she was aiming for an invite.

I do understand busy lives and post-Covid and we did enjoy hosting. We've not enjoyed the realisation that no-one ever actually contacts us, unless you count likes or comments on social media, in between invites from us. It's always us, even if just suggesting a walk.

I get that I could start inviting or hosting again but it's the realisation that these friends actually don't care that much, makes me not want to. As someone said, I think we've been unlucky by finding a whole lot of selfish friends, or perhaps just people who don't particularly want to see us unless we lay something on.

We have had more even friendships in past but they've either moved away or fizzled naturally.

Not just you, op! We were the same - always hosting putting on the spread hosting BBQs and dinner parties and we've had not a jot in return.

We also decided to stop for a while and we basically don't see anyone now. So kind of makes us think why we should always be the ones going to the effort when no one cares about us enough to do the same. It's sad

@GoodVibesHere :

"I'm almost 50 too, and got fed up of hosting when it dawned on me that others were never reciprocating with host 'duty'. I never expected turn-taking, but now and again would've been nice. The cost was adding up but even just the offer of a cup of tea and a biscuit at theirs once in a while would've been nice! People readily accept an invitation but rarely offer anything back themselves. As an experiment I did the same thing you've done i.e. stopped inviting people. Sadly those friendships then fizzled out because they never offered anything. Some did message to ask when they could see me, but were expecting me to invite them over to mine. Sad situation for me as I've now lost the will to have them here."

Exactly this. Nail on head. Even just a "how are you" message would be nice, or let's meet for a drink/coffee/walk. Anything to indicate they'd like to see US.

I've joined some groups in the last few months so am socialising. Our road has a coronation party. I'll be there.

Sorry @Hungrycaterpillarsmummy it sucks doesn't it? I know our people (or people who want to see us) are out there somewhere!

Well that is shit op, that no one has made the effort to invite you back or message about coffee or a walk.
I have only a handful of friends that the effort is reciprocated but they are good close friends that have taken years to build not casual friends.
So one friend will message do I fancy this show or garden visit or whatever and we keep in touch regularly on what's app.
So we regularly jog each other along and say we need something on the calendar etc.
Because we care for each other we make the effort both ways.
I've had other friends who like you it's always me nudging for the meet up and I've had to give up on them Just realised I am clearly not a priority for them and they don't like me enough to bother.
I know it's not easy to do but perhaps you need to leave it now and start some new groups and try to make new friendships or really focus on a couple of the ladies you feel closest to and try and build that up.
It's not always something you can do as a couple though and some people don't want to always meet up with a couple every time(not saying you do).
Someone I know joined a local orienteering club as a couple though and they were never in! Always out with the club or at some social thing that came from that group, so that sort of thing sometimes can be great.

We had family over last night but other than that kept it quiet. Last night wasn't a big night. I rarely host as dc1 has additional needs and struggles to cope with it but these family members understand his needs so it's fine. It sounds like you have always been the ones to host and arrange now you have stepped back nobody else has stepped up.

@ilovebagpuss I have walked away - wasn't entirely intended but as @Fundays12 says - I stopped arranging and no one stepped in or up or even contacts us. Unless they want something - I work in a role whereby people want to ask my opinion or advice quite often. We hear from a few for that reason still but no other reason.
I did think someone would be in contact but it hasn't happened which speaks volumes.
I have over the years had friendships that were more reciprocal. None currently.
I am putting myself out there more from which I hope at some point new friendships will grow. I'm past the point where I'll keep making an effort when friends don't bother even keeping in touch.