Is it just us with nothing to do this Easter?

[IsItUs]

This long and lovely Easter weekend? Feels like it. Feeling a bit lonely.
We can find something to entertain ourselves but we'd have loved an invite of any sort.
In recent years we've been prolific hosters. BBQs, drinks, pizza, special occasions. Various different families. Nothing special, we're not loaded, house is modest, but we like seeing people. They always make noises about inviting us back but never do.
We were recently attending same event as one family we've hosted a few times (never reciprocated) and they suggested we all eat out after. The event was in their home town. We were chuffed, as they'd actually suggested it even if they weren't hosting. Except they bailed on the day as "too tired". I suspect they'd hoped we'd say "come to ours". I've only heard from this friend since when she tried to sell me her MLM wares.
Last summer we decided to stop hosting for a while as it gets expensive and is a lot of effort with busy lives. We kind of hoped someone might suggest we visit them at some point or a meet up. Anything would be welcome. Any suggestion or invitation so it doesn't feel like it's only us who wants to see them.
So having not hosted for 9 months or so, we've been invited to do nothing.
None of this was over a short period. It's been years since we had an invite. I understand people can be lazy and busy, but everyone we know?
Feeling bit sorry for ourselves. I know we could host again or suggest something and have friends to see but why always us?
I don't think we're unlikeable, we've been on weekends away with some of these friends (organised by us), but there's just no attempt to see us otherwise.
We've tried with newer friends but decided against proffering repeat invites in the hope they'd suggest something next but nada so it fizzles out. We feel jaded by it now.
We're in our 50s and both self employed with no local family. We have teenagers, as do nearly all the families we have hosted.
Anyone else with B-all to do this weekend?
We'll make the best of it, but at mid-50s I think the chances of us making some good friends to have nice sociable occasions with are slim.
Anyone else in the Norma No-Mates boat?

Just us two too. I think since lockdown people have got out of the habit of having people over..it just seems like a lot of work and of course money is very tight for lots of people.

I find the friends we've made through activities that are hobbies e.g. our allotment are more sustainable friendships than those that are just purely social/drinking/dinners etc.

Us either. Autistic teen doesn’t want to see people, however she’s happy enough. Weather is nicer than most years so it does make it feel like we should do something.

For years and years this is the weekend PILs insisted on visiting, weather was shit and stuff closed. I think maybe I just enjoy the peace now.

I've booked myself a massage as I will be kid free. We never do much for Easter besides a egg hunt for the kids and eating chocolate

Should clarify- when I said:

Have had one couple recently say "we'd love to come round and see you soon". I didn't invite them.

This was a couple we've hosted many times, never invite us to do anything and the same couple who bailed on the one thing they suggested ever of a meal out as too tired. I believe she wants to come round and sell me stuff which could be a whole other thread about MLMs!

We very rarely see people over Easter weekend, esp for meals.

We sometimes see one family for a walk, but often are away (we have a caravan) or just quiet family time - we have 2 early 20s kids still at home. This weekend is the latter, we had a lovely day by the coast yesterday, the kids do still like our company 🤣🤣. Tomorrow will be a chilled day, local walk, Lamb roast and lots of chocolate!

We did go out with a couple for a meal last week, instigated by the other wife, but it is quite rare!

However, I know exactly how you feel about always instigating - I have just turned 60, and decided that I will not chase people for meet-ups - I am retired and have various friends that I meet for lunch/coffee, but it is nearly always me that makes the first contact.

I decided that 2023 (and my 60s) was the time to sit back and see how many contact me first. Not many seems to be the answer!

One local friend, who never makes the first move, messaged me on my birthday to say she will take me to lunch. Mmmm, I thought. She since sent me one suggested date that I couldn’t do. I suggested she maybe pick 2/3 other possible dates, told her when I was definitely busy in April/May, and have heard nothing. She works 2 days/wk and has kids older than mine, so no onerous commitments. I just think I am not a priority!

I don’t take it personally, everyone is busy, but I do think that if you are an organiser (I definitely am) then people almost expect you to make the first move re meeting up.

We're busy with family. We always are at Easter and it wouldn't occur to me to see friends.

@Vickythevan63 this is kind of where we are. Stopped hosting, consciously, and nada. I'd be happy with drinks suggested somewhere or a walk.
Not just Easter but any time. Easter is just the current example that highlights the issue. But the last 40+ weekends do too.

This is just shitty behaviour. Do you enjoy their company? I can't image they're anything but selfish.

Does seem that some generous people get stuck in a role of hosting. Really miserable to find no one reciprocates.

We have lots going on but only because I’ve organised it all!
With several friends I’ve stopped making plans as they would always bail at the last minute or need to rearrange but now I’ve not seen some of them in 2 years! I’m not sure what the answer is to be honest, I’d love to see them regularly but it started feeling like such a chore. Like you were always the ones hosting or suggesting plans.

We are moving back to my home country and one of the reasons is to be nearer to family. I feel sad and lonely in the U.K. on weekends like Easter when friends all gravitate to family gettogethers. I do agree with a PP that post-Covid it feels like a mammoth effort to host these days. I work full time and just don’t know how to do it (hosting) on so little time anymore. I hope you feel better OP.

@SparklingLime yes we did enjoy their company but we see them differently now. My friend (the DW of the couple) is constantly on and on about how busy she is. It feels like she's competitive. She's no busier than the average person or me. I just don't bang on about it. She's managed to find a lot of hours though to do her MLM selling - pretty hard sell from her. Several messages and calls trying to sell her stuff but no genuine suggestions to meet other than a comment about how they'd love to come over and see a new thing we've recently bought!

I agree its miserable to realise that we're very low down (non-existent) on priorities. Of course we don't expect to trump family but it's been a quiet and lonely 9 months since we decided to hang up our hosting aprons.

Tomorrow we'll do Easter hunt for the teenagers (they still want this), pizzas in garden, maybe a game and we'll have a film night.

I'd be so tempted to message her with 'oh, I expect you want to tell me about the things you're selling!'. In reality I would not have the guts to do that, but I'd be itching to let her know that I was on to her. It's quite offensive of her isn't it - she's using you, but thinks you haven't worked it out.

I'm almost 50 too, and got fed up of hosting when it dawned on me that others were never reciprocating with host 'duty'. I never expected turn-taking, but now and again would've been nice. The cost was adding up but even just the offer of a cup of tea and a biscuit at theirs once in a while would've been nice! People readily accept an invitation but rarely offer anything back themselves. As an experiment I did the same thing you've done i.e. stopped inviting people. Sadly those friendships then fizzled out because they never offered anything. Some did message to ask when they could see me, but were expecting me to invite them over to mine. Sad situation for me as I've now lost the will to have them here.

Since Covid my life is too unpredictable to host, I can’t easily predict how the kids will be. I mostly work 6 days a week, and I’m on a tight budget. My very close friends know this and we continue to see each other but more ad hoc and what used to be dinners/meals is now crisps and wine.

I think 80% of the population is still broken/traumatised from the pandemic. It makes it difficult to socialise imo.

My new socialising thing is volunteering though - I found something I enjoy and there is a ready made friend group but no need to host anyone.

Me too. I live on my own and haven't seen anyone, or have plans to, all weekend apart from my neighbour over the fence and the Asda delivery guy.

I'm sorry to hear that your friends don't invite you to anything.

I don't host much since Ex left me. Ex was a natural host and also a good cook. The prospect of doing it all on my own is a bit daunting. Having said that, I don't get invited to other houses much. I mostly meet friends out for coffee, breakfast or lunch. That way none of us have to host.

As for Easter, I have my Dad staying with me this weekend. We're going out for lunch with other family members. I think Easter is a time for family - or at least, here in Ireland. We might go for a drive if we finish up early. But I appreciate, that must be difficult if you've no family or no family living nearby.

If you've no plans, why don't you go out for the day yourselves either today or tomorrow. At least you'll feel that you did something with your long weekend. You could issue a general invite and ask if anyone wants to join you there. That way you don't have to organize it exactly (other than sending out a text), but you might get to meet up with friends.

I'd steer well clear of the MLM "friend".

Your Sunday sounds lovely, OP.
MLM friend sounds hideous. But your wider point about no one reciprocating, I really don't know why that would be. Unless you have somehow gathered a group of particularly selfish (ex)friends?

I get it! Planning to enjoy the rest.

Has this got worse since covid OP? I’ve found some friends just prefer their own company these days. Also mid 50s.

I think this too. Lots of people have just got out of the way of having people round the house for this and that, and everyone is feeling the pinch too. Don't take it personally OP.

I think it's worth considering that hosting is some people's thing and not other's. If you want to see people and you actively like hosting, then no need to stop because of the lack of reciprocation. As long as people brought a bottle etc and you enjoyed their company, then it doesn't automatically require that they host you back. Some people will never host or organise and don't mind if they're not hosted elsewhere.

This isn't to say in your specific case that your friends haven't taken the piss or turned out to be useless/bad friends/users. But if you're lonesome and miss them then you could shift expectations so it's not a factor whether they host back. It's more like when we were teens and some kids had parties at their houses while many never would. Being an adult doesn't make you a good host, and many more people are better at being guests than at being hosts. There are some amongst my friends who are very open house, come one come all, hosting types. Others would never dream of hosting, but are happy to be guests or just to meet up for a film and drinks on neutral ground. I absolutely wouldn't expect or want the latter type to feel they had to host a gathering. It's unpleasantly stressful if it's not your thing and we all have limited leisure time.

So again, am not minimising your experience with these particular people, but just saying going forwards with new/other friends it might help to reframe expectations so reciprocal hosting is not a big deal. Host away if you enjoy it. Otherwise enjoy people's company for whatever strengths they bring to it.

us too. Reasons… kids are teens and no longer get along happily with family friends kids. They want their own friends. No money so didn’t plan any days out. No money so didn’t invite anyone over. Did a couple of low key meet-ups in park which the kids tolerated. Kids too old for Easter egg hunts.

It sounds like you are too good of a host and your “friends” are lazy.
We have cut back too as I’m tired of the “we must have you around” that never materialises however we still have a core group who share out the hosting but not as much as a few years ago.
As for this weekend, we have no family in the UK but are enjoying having our two uni age kids home but are doing nothing out of the ordinary.

I think it's worth considering that hosting is some people's thing and not other's. If you want to see people and you actively like hosting, then no need to stop because of the lack of reciprocation

I agree-it’s not for everyone and you can’t make people invite you over.

If you like seeing people and are feeling lonely, then I’d start hosting again.

I always find Easter a bit boring. We'll see some family and get the kids out to the park as the weather is nice, then have a nice roast with wine.

I think big hosting has kind of fallen off people's wish lists after Covid. Also costs involved.
Would it help to start building up outings with individuals so you meet a friend for a walk and lunch and DH meets someone for sport or a hobby group?
Just ideas really but this what we tend to do apart from old friends who come to stay the weekend and vise versa.
I know it's nice to do things as a couple with friends so I get why you are disappointed especially after hosting so much.
Perhaps building up closer bonds slowly as individuals would then lead to the odd hosted evening rather than it being a generic crowd where the bonds are a bit loose and so you get forgotten in some way as everyone probably thinks the others are hosting you back.