Public debate about the menopause-anyone else feel ambivalent?

[CurlewKate]

Obviously it's an important issue and it's good that it's being talked about. However women spent years fighting against the perception that we are "slaves to their hormones". Employers would be reluctant to employ women because, they claimed, their menstrual cycle made them unreliable. We had just more or less knocked that on the head and now the media is full of accounts of menopausal symptoms and how difficult some women find this time of their lives. I can't help feeling that this is not going to be good for women in general.

My mother had Parkinsons and Dementia which killed her. She also had osteoporosis. This was reason for doc to recommend HRT. Despite this family history I was nervous about HRT. The recent focus has demystified it for me and even though I have none of the classic symptoms I take it. I do have arthritis which it seems to be helpful for.

I used to get dreadful PMT (including dreadful brainfog) so in many ways life is better post menopause and if it wasn't for family history I would not have bothered with HRT. So for me there have been benefits to the focus.

No doubt companies are exploiting it with hair and makeup products.

Exactly. And according to MN at least, the age seems to be getting lower...though I did have a 30ush friend who just had a baby, tell me she thinks she has peri brain fog! People take media so seriously, it's bizarre.

I think, like being childfree, I'm going to start telling business contacts bluntly - I'm a contractor so doing pitches rather than interviews. Tell them straight, not having any issues.

I miss the days when you just quietly confided any health problems to anyone at work who might need to know.

my older sister's workplace recently had a mandatory training thing about menopause. She booked annual leave that day.

I think it will be used against us as well. The awareness needs to be focussed on GPs and HCPs for sure. But I don't think we need to have this constant rhetoric about how anyone over 45 will have memory problems and brain fog.

Lucylock I agree.

@AridFanjo so sorry to remind you about your post, but I agree with every word you wrote.

In month 4 of HRT here and constantly worried, very unhappy, wouldn't have sex if my husband paid me to and it hasn't stopped the urinary incontinence which was the main reason I started the HRT.

BTW, I was told to go on HRT by a uro-gynae consultant. So didn't decide it was a trendy thing to do!

I think it is a very good thing to talk about this stuff. I hadn't even heard of menopause until I was in my mid 30s. And I'm 45 now and have had symptoms since I was 40ish. I'd very much have appreciated some prior understanding.

I think there should be a lot more help and consideration for those who can’t take HRT.

I'm nearly 60, and I find it shocking that women only a generation younger than me have been kept in such ignorance about their own bodies.

I've known about the menopause since I was 13. Not in detail, but as a stage in a women's life, a change almost as big as puberty. For this I have my mum to thank. The rest I learned for myself, because I knew that there was something to learn about.

But when I was 13 sex education was just beginning. We started being taught about periods, birth control, consent, the physiological aspects of pregnancy and birth. I don't remember whether menopause was mentioned. Perhaps it was just a brief, dismissive after thought.

Has nothing changed? Or is it that menopause is so remote from a teenager living in the moment, that any information about it is simply not retained?

Or is sex ed about preventing current potential emergencies, rather than equipping women with important knowledge for their future lives?

To be honest I don't think employers will be impacted with the increased media coverage. Their bias runs deeper than that! As soon as you are no longer attractive to the (usually male) leaders you are consigned to the box labeled 'older women - to be ignored '.

I agree. I was asked to support a woman at work who was struggling with a particular task. She told me it was due to her menopause 'brain fog' I didn't know what to say. I am mid 50s, on HRT & still chasing promotions. I felt depressed by her 'giving up and blaming the hormones' attitude - I cannot see it benefits older women in the workplace. I fought hard to be taken seriously at work when I was younger, then a parent - now menopause has popped up as a new reason to overlook me. Just what I didn't need.

I agree. I'm in my 50s and want to be seen as a woman, not a menopausal woman. It's doing women a disservice.

Well I for one am glad about the attention the perimenopause is getting.

I almost had a breakdown 2 years ago due to the anxiety, rages, exhaustion and constant ailments. On HRT for 1 year now, back to full capacity, and our organisation has begun to formulate a menopause policy by asking women how this would work for them. I think it's fantastic. I think allowing some flexibility around working times and appointments and adding menopause consideration to our EAP will be a great step forward. It has been recorded that statistically women are more likely to lose their work mojo and feel incapacitated and often leave their careers entirely during perimenopause. The new policy should ensure that there is support during this time so they can carry on being a productive and valuable member of the organisation.

The beauty products cashing in can do one though.

I'm very glad that HRT is now available for one flat annual fee which makes it hugely more affordable.

I don't need special moisturisers or safe spaces at work.

Maybe she does have menopausal brain fog?

Indeed, and individual ajustments is one thing, but all this talk of 'menopause policies' and special treatment for us delicate ladies is the opposite of helpful as far as I am concerned. I don't need to be treated as less capable because I am female and a certain age.

It's a tricky one, on the one hand I'm fed up with it being everywhere and on the other it's quite useful. I did a survey the other week and one of the questions was along the lines of do I think I could talk to my manager about the menopause. I'm sure a man in his early 30s really wants to hear about hot flushes and missed periods. No matter how modern he is it's not something I'd want to talk to him about.
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I'd be amazed if anyone really gave a shit anyway tbh. I wouldn't worry.

But you’re on HRT. Maybe she isn’t. I’m mid-50s and can’t take HRT. I just have to manage.

But what if you ARE less capable?

I certainly was for about 6/8 months and I would have been glad of some assistance. I'm a fairly high achiever so it was really obvious when I couldn't remember what I was saying in the middle of a conference.

What's with all the denial?

Talk to someone with PMDD and you'll soon realise that hormones create some extremely serious issues for many thousands if not millions of women in the UK.

Why is perimenopause any different?

I 100% agree

I know what you mean.
But the previous stance was also rooted in some denial of those women who are affected.

I agree OP and a lot of it seems performative but when it actually comes to accessing help things haven't really changed. My local health centre has a menopause clinic (great!) but you can only access it once you are definitely in menopause (perimenopause doesn't count) and all the staff that work there are male. No thanks.

Lots of interesting comments. I think my view boils down to "Women should be able to access the health care they need and HCP need to be up to speed on issues around the menopause. I do worry that the current initiatives are more likely to foster a culture of "women over 45 are potentially unreliable and to be on the safe side let's not rely on them. But hey, we can sell them stuff. Yay."

I'm 49 and perimenopausal / angry all the time and I'm sick of hearing about menopause. Davina and all the people with ££ in their eyes can feck off.

I want it like it was before!

saythebellsofstclements I think I agree with you.

'Awareness raising' is just another stick to beat women with. Menopausal cosmetics etc are just another way to persuade women they're inadequate and part us from our cash.

Practical, tangible adjustments at work as you mention are important when women need them, and there should be proper policies and procedures in place.

But, I think it will be like mental health, where every organisation has a policy, but what actually happens in the workplace depends on who your manager is and the relationship you have with them.

I had a bit of a struggle with actual peri and menopause, but I'm okay now at 52.

The most difficult thing about menopause was that after spending half a century living in the male gaze and capitalism, there was just no grace available to accommodate my symptoms like insomnia or fatigue. I was still expected to come bouncing into work and relationships and be as caring, giving, and emotional-labour-performing as always.

I ended up changing jobs and let go of a lot of friendships. I'm a lot more reserved now.