Public debate about the menopause-anyone else feel ambivalent?

[CurlewKate]

Obviously it's an important issue and it's good that it's being talked about. However women spent years fighting against the perception that we are "slaves to their hormones". Employers would be reluctant to employ women because, they claimed, their menstrual cycle made them unreliable. We had just more or less knocked that on the head and now the media is full of accounts of menopausal symptoms and how difficult some women find this time of their lives. I can't help feeling that this is not going to be good for women in general.

Exactly this although I'm 47!

Completely agree. Utterly sick of hearing about it. And it will not do women a favour in the long run. No one will employ us past 50 anymore. And that silly MP trying to make it a protected characteristic 🙄

Early 50s and I find myself having to rebuild my life from the ground up having lost everything due to bereavement/caring responsibilities. What I really don't need is yet another reason for employers etc to give me the patronising head tilt and dismiss me from the outset as an incompetent, fainting-couch dwelling martyr to my hormones.

A huge part of the issue is that although menopause affects every single biological woman, not everyone will have the same experience. I feel strongly that those who didn't have a problematic or difficult menopause will struggle to understand the experiences of those who do - I had this trouble at work - my older boss had sailed through her menopause with issue but I was having every issue under the sun. There was just no empathy or sympathy on her part, and as she was a huge bully, used my brain fog (and lack of sleep) to gaslight and torture me into second guessing myself at work and making me think I had made errors and not completed tasks.

Because there is no one route through perimenopause to menopause, this is exactly why there needs to be a public debate about it, if only to protect those women who have/will have a terrible time of it.

Additionally, one only has to look at the menopause forum to see how many don't even recognise various symptoms as being related, so I think the conversation and public debate needs to be continued, and GPs need far more training in menopause too. I went through a premature menopause and was told I was being ridiculous by many GPs because their knowledge was severally limited. Indeed, even the fact many use perimenopause and menopause interchangeably is an issue in itself.

My experience would have been very different (and a lot less expensive as I was forced to see a private specialist) had society's attitude and knowledge to perimenopause and menopause been different. I would not want anyone to go through what I did, so am glad there's finally people speaking up and insisting on a public debate.

I'm your age and already three years post-menopause. Thinking menopause is something that only happens in one's late 40s and 50s in part of the problem I had with various GPs who refused to take me seriously when I told them I was in perimenopause in my late 30s. Also, one can still have issues and symptoms even when one is post-menopause

Look at it as being prepared for what could be ahead. I know I would have loved there to be far more information and public awareness when I was dealing with things.

The OP is entirely correct. Whilst I accept that some women have a difficult time (& thus need access to treatment) there are an awful lot who don't. Menopause is not an illness, it's a normal part of life. But the public discourse creates the impression that all middle-aged women are feeble, suffering creatures who need lots of time off. So having suffered discrimination in our child-bearing years, we will now have to suffer it in middle age too. I wish my fellow women could just toughen up a bit and not assume that everyone is the same. The current situation just sets back the feminist cause.

We also can't ignore the suicide rate for women in this age bracket.

I think this has been the problem though - for too long we've not had the access and it's been something largely suffered in silence.

Hopefully bringing it out in the open now means access will be better for all women so we can just crack on with getting better and it won't need talking about quite so much.

I've often found Davina Mcall irritating as hell but I think her work on campaigning in this area has been stellar and she's done something brilliant for many women

I'm not sure. I'm 48 and suffering horrendously with perimenopause. The media has helped me feel less like a loon. Just been prescribed HRT patches that I'm worried about starting but my performance at work has definitely been effected.

I think it's really important that employers and male colleagues understand that the menopause can really fuck with your performance and memory.

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This with huge bells on

@Mangoesontherun

Good point - it's the medical profession that need more training and need for find better ways to support women

Thrrr should be no need for employer action because all women should get good treatment and support as needed

Absolutely.

Before HRT I had two different doctors try to persuade me to try anti depressants.

That's not right, surely?

I'm all for it as someone who is just perimenopausal, I think more understanding and better treatment can only be a good thing. Obviously everyone is different but for some people the symptoms are absolutely horrendous. However, it does feel a bit galling in another respect, I've struggled for 20+ years with chronic health issues that cause severe fatigue, brain fog, pain, insomnia etc and there's fuck all support for that, no extra days off permitted, no recognition really at all. I'm covered by DDA but essentially I just really struggle to work and to do my job effectively and so have never been able to work f/t and that's just that.

I too was bombarded with anti depressants when I went to the GP with my peri symptoms. I’d read a lot of Dr Louise Newson’s website so had a very eloquent answer for him. HRT changed my life so much for the better, and I’m pleased everyone is now aware of symptoms of the peri and that they can get help.

Hi Snowfal

Hope you start to feel better. I've been on patches for a year now and definitely feel better. In particular the brain fog which has in turn massively made a difference to my confidence.

The creams and cash in yes, but the info no. I am peri at a youngish age and would not have known what the hell was going on without the awareness raised a few years ago.

I think some people have internalised misogyny here but I get it that it could be another stick for beating women with.

As for “no one” will employ women, my last few managers have been middle aged women, we aren't in the 50s!

Middle aged women have always been discriminated against in the work place, maybe now they won’t resign and hide when they feel bad.

Cosmetic companies absolutely cannot wait to jump on board with products to ‘support’ us. Meanwhile GP’s lack basic training and some won’t prescribe HRT. Frequent shortages of HRT for those already on it. Employers get yet another reason to quietly (or openly) discriminate.

What does that tell us about who benefits from all this awareness raising? Because it doesn’t seem to be women.

Your lack of sympathy is shocking, and speaks volumes about you. What you read as anger, I read as frustration.

None of the things you have suggested will help in the way that HRT will. I know this for a fact as I had many of the same struggles and tried it all, and you know what the only thing that helped was? HRT, well, when I went to see a specialist and was able to amend what my GP had incorrectly prescribed. Many, if not most GPs have little understanding of HRT and often prescribe based on cost, not what is most suitable.

@AridFanjo Am so sorry you're experiencing this. Are you using Vagifem? That will soothe your vagina if it is as your user name suggests. I sincerely hope you manage to get your HRT dosage changed - if you're able to, throw money at the problem and see someone privately, do it. Many private specialists will prescribe HRT that can then be dispensed via your GP/the NHS.

I think raising awareness of how the menopause affects women is very important. Obviously, not every woman has a rough time but a lot do.
I do think raising awareness about various conditions and how people can be affected is equally as important.
What I don't agree with is people making money off it and HRT being shoved in people's faces. It's not for everyone amd some of us can't take it.
I've had hormone positive breast cancer so have been forced into a slightly earlier menopause through ovarian suppression injections and, just to make sure I have no oestrogen, take tablets to stop my fat cells producing any. It's not been fun as it was quite sudden but I don't need people telling me how wonderful HRT has been for them. Good for them and despite what these menopause experts say I would rather trust my oncologist that HRT isn't safe for me.

What worries me is that it’s fast becoming another way to fob off concerned women. A poster a while back listed symptoms that could easily have been RA or a whole host of autoimmune issues and was told overwhelmingly that it was probably ‘peri’. Even a year or so ago the advice would have been to get checked out. It feels like a step backwards in some ways.

Far too much emphasis on HRT to “fix” things.

And me! Absolutely sick of hearing about the menopause every 5 minutes. As for people on here going on about peri... 😡

Double edged sword.

I think it's helpful to acknowledge that our patchy performance isn't laziness or inattention to detail, so we can put strategies in that work.

I feel I need a bit of coaching to develop those strategies, in the same way dyslexics do. I used to know where I was up to in a job stream. Now I have to check lists and emails to see where to pick up each morning. I check my draft emails to make sure I finished the job, and set up alerts to keep me on track. I didn't used to need that.

When you are in the thick of it, it's hard to develop the strategies for yourself.

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz thanks so my much. I'm going to start with the patches.

Your post resonates with me. The increased media focus on this coincided with turning 40 in my case, and I feel like overnight I went from youth and, save for illness of disability, the expectation I’d enjoy decent health for many years to come, to being in the waiting room for a hideous experience that could last decades before neatly segueing into old age.

I also find myself not enjoying the moment for worrying about this with every mention of ‘peri’.

It’s difficult because clearly awareness is needed so that women can access treatment and employers can support those who struggle. Although my employer made a huge fanfare about a new menopause policy recently - amounted to some waffle about what it is, with the only solid action on them being to allow a woman to have a fan on her desk. Not very reassuring. But the intense focus risks the message to employers being that virtually all women 40+ are going to be performing poorly and the message to younger women that we have decades of suffering ahead and will change so drastically that we will barely know ourselves. On that point, I find it helpful to think of all the older women I know and remind myself they’re dealing or have dealt with this, and that while they may have had their difficulties, they are still functional, vibrant and interesting individuals. In other words, menopause will not stop me being me and turn me into a walking bag of ‘peri’ symptoms!