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Original poster

I must be parenting wrong

47 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 05/04/2023 21:27

They are so frantic and so manic. Its like I can't breathe. They are 4 and 2. 4 year old cannot do anything apart from watch TV without me. Nothing. Everything ends in tears or a tantrum.

We've just been abroad for a week. It was utterly relentless. In the pool, then freezing, the other one wants to stay in, tears all round. A drink gets knocked over at least once a day.

I'm utterly wrung out. At some point will this get easier or am I just utterly shit?

OP posts:
Iam4eels · 05/04/2023 21:34

4 and 2 are relentless ages IME. Two year olds aren't as independent as they think they are and still need a lot of physical parental input, four year olds are a bit more independent but need a lot more emotional input.

Positive side, it gets easier as they get older and once school starts it's a game changer as they suddenly grow up loads in a short period.

When mine were that age I tried to find something positive about each day and some days that positive moment was knowing they were asleep for the night and I had a few hours of peace.

custardbear · 05/04/2023 21:38

It really does get better. I just remember mine being a danger to themselves, standing on things and just free falling .... or running away and was absolutely adamant they were belted into the pushchair for their own safety!
They do settle down and they do get better ... in the wise words of Michael McIntyre ... I don't say goodbye to my wife in the mornings ... I say 'good luck'

  • GOOD LUCK!
Flowersintheattic57 · 05/04/2023 21:47

My daughter confides in me that since her daughter turned four she’s just a cunt, relentlessly and about everything she’s just a cunt. Can’t wait for this stage to be over .

It’s hard when you’re in the thick of it, exhausted, to get any perspective.

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Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 05/04/2023 21:48

It just seems to be us tho?! Like we did not sit down for the entire fecking holiday!

OP posts:
Iam4eels · 05/04/2023 21:52

Honestly? That's holidays with small children, you come back feeling like you need a second holiday to recover from the first one.

Imnotweirdimlimitededition1 · 05/04/2023 22:08

Completely normal it's harder holidaying with kids that age as you are risk assessing everything when at home it's all familiar. On holidays routines are disrupted different food etc but as other posters say it gets easier!

MeinKraft · 05/04/2023 23:04

They're not called the terrible twos and the fucking fours for no reason! Once they turn 5 and start school they're easier to manage.

Mochinated · 05/04/2023 23:10

It's the ages and the gap. It will keep getting better! Mine are 6 and 3 and sometimes play together really nicely. 5 and 2 was difficult. 4 and 1 was a f nightmare. Hang on in there!

baconisgoodforme · 05/04/2023 23:14

I get it. You're not doing anything wrong,it's their ages,it is manic and constant.
My just turned 5 year old has just started to be able to not be under my feet at all times (still a lot of the time though)
We have also just got back from a week abroad,my kids have just turned 5,3 and 1 and our 'holiday' was the exact same,absolutely exhausting. It was so much harder than being at home because we had to try and stop the drink spilling,bothering other people on holiday and watch them even more than usual because of the pools.
The kids had a great time though 😅

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2023 17:40

I hate it at the moment. The 2 year olds tantrums are relentless. They are constant. Mealtimes are horrible. Nothing makes them happy.

I honestly am starting to dread each day.

OP posts:
ETref · 07/04/2023 17:48

I remember that stage well, holidays were exhausting. Mine are now 5 and 7 and, compared to 2 and 4, it's an absolute dream. Obviously they still have their moments but it is definitely so much easier these days.
Hang on in there OP, it will get better!

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2023 17:51

Can't even say it's holidays. It's all day everyday. The fucking tears and demands and constant 'that's wrong'.

I feel so sad and wrung out.

OP posts:
BibbleandSqwauk · 07/04/2023 18:35

What do you do when they say "that's wrong"? Do you react and "Fix" it? I'm not remotely criticising you but wonder if it would be helpful if you almost "grey rock" a lot of the stupid shit. Wrong colour cup? Oh well, don't drink it then. If you can play down every "disaster" and crisis into a small inconvenience it may help a little. I mean, on the whole I completely agree that's it's a tricky stage and gap. Good luck.

ETref · 07/04/2023 18:48

Are you single parent? What is the situation with the other parent? How do you deal with the tantrums and demands? How would you describe your parenting approach? It's tricky to give advice without a bit more info tbh.

One rule that I always stuck by was to never give in to a tantrum, however long it lasted. It was really tough in the moment but it worked out well in the long run. Also always try to be breezy and calm. "You don't want to get out of the pool? Oh that's a shame because we have to get out now, come on" and if they refuse then physically carry them out (kicking and screaming if need be). Keep it breezy and matter of fact, it's time to get out so we're getting out, staying in is not an option.

ETref · 07/04/2023 18:54

I forgot to add that once they know you mean business and will never give in they give up trying to get their way a lot sooner, so tantrums are quicker. I have many memories of leaving the park whilst carrying a screaming toddler under my arm like a rugby ball. But by about 3 they started having a little disappointed huff and saying "ok" when I told them it was time to leave the park because they knew there was no point in kicking off about it.

Mumma · 07/04/2023 19:00

The more you try to control the chaos the worse it is. Just laugh off the mishapps and embrace the madness!

BertieBotts · 07/04/2023 19:00

How are you with boundaries?

How confident do you feel when you ask them to do something?

How do you cope/react when they are upset by something?

I fall into so many of these traps myself, so not judging. But the answers might tell you something interesting.

mistermagpie · 07/04/2023 19:18

I've been there and quite honestly, it's why my kids have never been abroad on holiday!! Honestly covid was a blessing in a way because we never could go away at those ages, and since then I just can't justify the money to go away and wrangle them all day the way I do at home, with the added worry of pools and sunburn.

Mine are 7, 6 and 3 now and to be fair the older two are really pretty great, but if you had asked me a couple of years ago then I would have felt exactly the same as you. My three year old is exactly like your two year old and basically a nightmare, but I'm hanging in there because they do get easier.

These are the wilderness years of parenting but my in laws have just come back from a blissful and relaxing holiday with their 11 and 13 year olds, so we can just look forward to that...

Lostthetastefordahlias · 07/04/2023 19:44

What breaks do you get OP? I have two these ages & the two year old is intense & the combination is exhausting. I work 2.5 days and also have one morning of childcare when I am not working to go swimming or walking & it makes me enjoy the time with the children so much more as I have that time to recalibrate. How long til the 2 year old gets funded hours - are they in childcare atm?
Hang in there - keep trying things until something works to make life feel easier. For us it is me having a break in the week, dh having a break at the weekend, rock solid (boring) routines and a lot of outdoor exercise.
A few years ago I had a colleague with two children these ages and her & her husband used to spend one day of the weekend with one kid and the other day with the other. I did not understand at the time but now I think just do whatever works!

kirsty2023 · 07/04/2023 20:29

DueyCheatemAndHow · 07/04/2023 17:51

Can't even say it's holidays. It's all day everyday. The fucking tears and demands and constant 'that's wrong'.

I feel so sad and wrung out.

You sound just like me my 3 year old is just the same it's
Constant from the time she gets up till the time she goes to bed and I have a 15 week old aswell xx

Gloriousgardener11 · 07/04/2023 21:17

I found going abroad a lot more stressful than staying in the UK when mine were small.
The safety aspects were a nightmare !

BotherThat · 07/04/2023 21:21

This is why we don’t go abroad. Most we can handle is a long weekend at a UK based caravan park or similar. Can’t stand my kids ripping the piss out of me at home, definitely don’t want to pay a fuck tonne of money for them to ruin an expensive holiday abroad 🫠😁

Abcdefgh1234 · 07/04/2023 21:46

are you disciplined your kids? I’m asian my kids 7 and 3 yo. Both very well behaved kids. I’m quite strict and disciplined.

KylieKangaroo · 07/04/2023 22:00

Mine are 2 and 7 and I am still knackered. The 7 year old is easy but the two of them together are not so easy. I am constantly exhausted! I don't know how people do it with a smaller age gap. It's so intense when they are so young.

Phineyj · 07/04/2023 22:02

I think you're doing well actually.

We had one like that.

One.

You can catch a break with two of you and one of them.

They will get more sensible given time.