what are you doing that no one knows about

[bingowings36]

(light hearted thread ) As the title says what are you doing or up to that no one knows about .
I got my passport i told no one i was getting one as im planing a nice holiday by my self but will say im working away when the time comes .😁

@fluffy2buffy Hugs and high fives to help you on the journey ! Well done, you.

I've got all the content to get a book out but am not pc literate to send pdf files etc and have only had 'vanity publishers' interested so far ( who want a lot of money upfront) I'd love some publishing tips/links pretty please xx

Carrying around terrible guilt and fear. Guilt for a termination I had nearly 9 years ago. Fear that I will be punished for it when I die. No one in real life knows how I live with these intense feelings every day. Can't talk to anyone as I'm too ashamed.

Be kind to yourself Mrs Pr, sending you hugs 💐💐💐

Punished by who? If you mean god, isn't he supposed to forgive you if you repent? Isn't there something like if we confess our sins, he is {something something} and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness in the service or bible? (Sorry, long time since I've been in church). Besides, he's also supposed to be all knowing and so he knows you had good reason. Plus that you've been punishing yourself for 9 years.

Try to stop torturing yourself; I doubt you'd go round telling someone else they're going to be punished when they die, would you? Treat yourself the same as you would someone else in your situation, be kind to yourself. Let yourself grieve but please don't punish yourself for it 💐

@PeapodBurgundy £2k a month!!

Good for you girl, I wish I had the balls so to speak 😂

I just wanted to say I am so sorry you feel like this, please try and think what you would say to a friend or a family member had they done the same, I’m sure you wouldn’t judge them as harshly as you are yourself. Could you speak to your GP for advice on counselling? I believe so strongly in choice and wouldn’t think for a minute you have done anything wrong, feel free to message me if you need to talk, sending love and hugs x

I'm seeing the GP tomorrow, to hopefully start the discussion about ADHD. I'm hoping I can get somewhere, as the downs can be so bad and my friends on meds seem to cope so much better

I've been polyamorous for a couple of years, and have got very into the kink scene. Family don't know, I really don't think they'd understand, and my current job could be at risk if the kink part comes out. But I'm so much happier having my polycule for love and support, and I don't have to pretend to be somebody that I'm not. I just feel like I'm still living a lie until I can be open about it.

I feel for you. I'm in my forties and have recently realised I'm queer - can't figure out anything more specific yet. I realise that a lot of things I feel about relationships, such as becoming queer, kinky and poly, were there even when I was a teenager, everything just got buried.

@lilkitten

Well done! There's so much to help out there.

Trying to find my birth family on my fathers side. He wasn't named on my birth certificate and my birth mothers recollection of events seems to be in error.

There is no resemblance between me and the man that she claimed it to be (or his numerous offspring) so I've embarked on Ancestry DNA testing. It's brutal, to be honest,

I've found some people that I share genes with who are also looking, seems we share some horribly fractured origins, but I do see my face in theirs sometimes. Not something that "the kept" ever have to consider if you've had the same features reflected back at you as you grew up.

I'm also saving up to go to The Netherlands for psychedelic trauma therapy as there is simply no other route to go down.

Adoptees in the U.K. are not allowed to seek therapy unless it's via one of the very few (think counting on your fingers) therapists that are allowed by OFSTED to treat us.

Fucked up doesn't even begin to cover it.

I can't discuss it with my parents as they are in denial. DP doesn't truly understand. I worry that I will end up killing myself one day if I don't find peace in all of this.

Adoption is trauma.

@overthinkersanonnymus that's turnover, not money in my hand. There are fees for the website, packaging, shipping, the initial outlay for the stock and tax. It's still a decent enough amount though.

This thread is one of the most inspiring things I've read. So many of you being so brave.  to all struggling for any reason.

@lilkitten how did you get on yesterday?

I am a hybrid between you and pp who said dealing with their traits.

Over last few months have realised how many I have and trying to take steps to deal with them. But also have an appt next with GP to discuss Executive functioning.

I feel like I'm viewing everything through this lens now - it many ways it's freeing to realise there might be a reason for everything I struggle with, and I can be kinder to myself, but in others I feel like it makes me feel I really will not manage to achieve things in career etc. Doing lots of reading, trying to make new habits, and hoping for progress.

Hope went well.

Me too! 🤣🤣🤣

Can you imagine the kick off if a man made sweeping statements like that about women?

I know this is a light-hearted thread, but c'mon - we're not all into stuff like that!

Meds help an absolute tonne - since being diagnosed as an adult (late 30s) it's been incredibly helpful.
The only issue is the waiting times for adult help are ridiculous, in the end I had to forego last year's holiday to pay for the diagnosis.

@Deathbyfluffy this is what made me want to approach the GP... the idea that it could be easier to manage everything with support of meds instead of always battling quite so much. So many people diagnosed at this stage (im mid 30s too) seem to say it makes such a difference.

@Deathbyfluffy I know you're not all like that, I know many who aren't!
But if there's someone with a weird fetish it's 99% gonna be a man.

I mentioned writing fanfic earlier. For those that don't know, fanfic is stories about existing characters from book, films, TV and so on, or sometimes real life. It's often of an explicitly sexual nature. (Nor mine,sadly. I just give myself the giggles if I try!) Anyway. The fandom I enjoy is from the 1970s, so most of the writers are of, shall we say, mature years. It has completely changed my view of the women I share supermarket queues. I look at respectable middle aged women in mum jeans and fleeces and think "Did YOU write that extraordinary bit of gay erotica I enjoyed so much this morning?"🤣

@Kissssss That sounds so lovely! Bit jealous (in a nice way) of your closeness tbh 🙂

Enjoy your meetup with your friend xx

@Bellavida me too! Duolingo is honestly wonderful

@lilkitten glad to hear I'm not the only one 😊

Thank you, GP visit was 50/50. She's asked me to write a letter detailing my symptoms, but she also just wants me to try a new antidepressant instead. I'm sure they don't actually help with my emotions.

Writing (very explicit) M/M romance