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Original poster

DC really unhealthy. What to do?

40 replies

StressedaboutUni · 04/04/2023 22:55

DC18 has been really struggling over the past 2 years with food. He has constantly been eating junk such as crisps, biscuits, Nutella toast, chocolate every few hours. Last year he was eating a lot of ice cream on top of this but we put a stop to that. This has caused him to put on 15kg, which has made him really down and lethargic.
he says it is the exam stress, he needs high grades to meet his uni offer and he finds food helps him cope with everything. He eats his normal meals but on top of that, he has all this junk which surely can’t be sustainable.
he doesn’t exercise either as he is always so lethargic. The GP says he just needs to diet but he is constantly hungry, especially when revising and finds that the sugar gives him extra energy to revise and calms him down.
I am tempted to not badger him about his diet until a levels are over but he sees to be getting really ill with the food he is eating. What should we do? I know it is up to him ultimately but he still looks to me for help and advice, especially when he feels down.

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 04/04/2023 23:02

Bake him something that isn't as processed
Deal with rest after exams

AFloridian · 04/04/2023 23:04

Stop having it in the house and get healthier alternatives? He’s not hungry he’s just after the sugar high.

Coxspurplepippin · 04/04/2023 23:04

Where's he getting unhealthy food from?

MrsDoylesDoily · 04/04/2023 23:08

and finds that the sugar gives him extra energy to revise and calms him down.

That's because he's addicted to it.

I take it he has a part time job to be able to afford all this junk? If so, it's going to be difficult for you to do anything I'm afraid.

Original poster
StressedaboutUni · 04/04/2023 23:08

@Coxspurplepippin Admittedly mostly me, as I just feel so guilty, when I see him feel really rough without chocolate. It is something he craves, and as he is doing his best to revise as much as he can, I just give in and give him his treats. We have stopped ice cream though. However, he does sometimes use his own part time job money to get junk too when he feels like it.

OP posts:
Original poster
StressedaboutUni · 04/04/2023 23:09

Also everyone else likes these treats too so it feels unfair to stop everyone else from eating it. However DC is the only one who seems to not be able to control himself.

OP posts:
Rainbows89 · 04/04/2023 23:10

I know everyone is talking about adhd now but I used sugar to fuel me through my a levels and university and I recently got a diagnosis of adhd.

it’s about the brain seeking dopamine because studying is boring? Or something?

so maybe have a read of adhd symptoms and see what you think

then I would also do a few things - work on stress levels and do things to help with that eg a walk, listen to music - all the usual things

and make sure he is eating enough at meals and for snacks of the good stuff like protein, slow carbs, fats etc

maybe he could try a fidget toy. Yeah maybe also look up tips on how people with adhd study. Sometimes it counter intuitive like it helps to listen to loud music for some people.

OutFortheBirds · 04/04/2023 23:10

Exams periods are a very hard time. It’s stressful. Eating sugar is just a way of coping with the stress. I wouldn’t badger him now. I’d acknowledge it with him and provide healthier options, then tackle it after the exams.

Is he getting good sleep? that can have an impact on those kind of cravings too.

Original poster
StressedaboutUni · 04/04/2023 23:12

@OutFortheBirds It is probably the sleep too. He procrastinate a lot so often only gets work done properly late at night, so his sleep is quite disrupted. However he is 18 so I’m not sure if I can force him to sleep earlier really, though he needs to work on it.

OP posts:
Rainbows89 · 04/04/2023 23:13

He is 18 - I definitely think working WITH him is going to be more useful than just removing junk food from the house

also, why is he lethargic? Has been always been like that? Has that been checked out?

if he feels too lethargic to exercise I’d want to get that checked out but in the meantime even a
short Walk in the sunshine night help his stress levels

Original poster
StressedaboutUni · 04/04/2023 23:16

@Rainbows89 Yh it has been checked out but nothing is wrong as such. They told him to take some vitamin d,multivitamins though he often forgets. However they mostly said he just needs to find the motivation exercise and eat better. He has never really done exercise ever tbh but his diet has got really poor as he has got older.

OP posts:
Rainbows89 · 04/04/2023 23:18

bad sleep, proscratination and ending up working late at night are also signs of adhd

there are two types - the hyperactive one which is most commonly know but there is also an inattentive type

Original poster
StressedaboutUni · 04/04/2023 23:22

@Rainbows89 Though we have never checked it, I seriously doubt he has ADHD as he can be extremely focused on work, and he is a deep, strategic thinker, the procrastination sometimes just results in him having to work late at night to achieve his goals. This creates a vicious cycle but tbh I think I am leaning towards helping him tackle this after A levels.

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 04/04/2023 23:34

Without stating the obvious, don't buy certain food types. He may out of his wages, but that is difficult to control. I nearly brought a multi bag of crisps today, but then realised my 2 teenagers would eat the whole lot when I am in work. I brought some rice cakes instead as they may have one or two of these but not loads. Will her not do any exercise at all? Swimming, gym, walk?

Anotheroverreaction · 04/04/2023 23:39

I would do nothing - he is 18, he will sort this himself once he grows up/ moves out etc. badgering him is going to make this a much bigger problem

PippaF2 · 04/04/2023 23:43

Get him set up with CBT for binge eating disorder - which is essentially what this is.

Littlefish · 04/04/2023 23:44

StressedaboutUni · 04/04/2023 23:22

@Rainbows89 Though we have never checked it, I seriously doubt he has ADHD as he can be extremely focused on work, and he is a deep, strategic thinker, the procrastination sometimes just results in him having to work late at night to achieve his goals. This creates a vicious cycle but tbh I think I am leaning towards helping him tackle this after A levels.

My daughter is 18, can be extremely focussed on her work, prefers to work late at night, craves sugar. Guess what... she has ADHD.

ADHD isn't necessarily the inability to focus. It can be the inability to change focus. If the focus is applied to something of interest, or high stakes, like revision, then it can be total and consuming - it's called hyperfocus.

GarlicGrace · 04/04/2023 23:45

frozendaisy · 04/04/2023 23:02

Bake him something that isn't as processed
Deal with rest after exams

This. Can you stuff the house with chocolate brownies, muesli bars, banana bread, sesame sticks and so on? Still carb-intensive but less unhealthy.

I've eaten a litre of rice pudding today Blush It stopped me wolfing cake, and was full of fruits & nuts. 50% win, I reckon!

InvincibleInvisibility · 04/04/2023 23:46

My ds has ADHD and is a compulsive eater (diagnosed).

He's only 12 and a healthy weight (I keep a very close eye) but the way I'm dealing with it is trying to give the best quality food I can. I make my own bread (with a bread maker and its only flour, water, salt and yeast - no sugar or additives like in supermarket bread). And I bake cakes and cookies all the time. That way I know what is in them (and the whole family loves them). I also cook all meals from scratch and we avoid take aways.

He is also very sporty.

All this ^^ really helps. But the biggest difference is from the meds he takes for ADHD - they suppress his appetite for 8 hours a day. On them he will refuse snacks. When their effect runs out he is licking every scrap of food from his plate, wanting food off our plates, and begging for more food.

MissingMoominMamma · 04/04/2023 23:49

Buy fruit, melt chocolate, dip the fruit in the chocolate. He will get the sugar high, but the fibre, water and vitamins in the fruit will help his body process it better.

Strawberries, sliced mango, satsumas, pineapple etc.

ganvough · 05/04/2023 00:00

At 18, it's not good that he's never done any exercise. Honestly this is what will help him eat healthier, exercise - it changes boredom cravings which come about from sitting around too much or not having a stress outlet. It's an important habit to instil before he gets to uni and becomes even more unhealthy. 18 is a bit too late to teach new habits but maybe you can encourage him to go for a walk or swim (maybe go with him for company) or try the couch to 5k as a challenge. Otherwise he will prob sort it out himself once he's moved away from home and with his peers.

Yellowdays · 05/04/2023 00:03

The problem is, you see food as a reward, so he does too. And you. Buy junk and are unlikely to stop, I think.

The best way to improve his diet is to add on lots of healthy food first.

Sittingonabench · 05/04/2023 00:28

Maybe take a step back and help him to too. The best exam results are not worth your health. Getting into the best uni is no good if you can’t enjoy it. If he is so stressed he is harming himself or becoming addicted to sugar - the trade off isn’t worth it. It’s so hard to recognise when you’re in it especially as you want to be successful but a balance is key

FatGirlSwim · 02/05/2023 09:41

This screams adhd. The idea that people with adhd can’t focus on anything is a misconception. People with adhd tend to hyperfocus and become extremely focused on certain things.

Skybluepinky · 02/05/2023 10:15

Stop facilitating his unhealthy eating habits, he doesn’t need sugary snacks to cope with revision, he needs nutritious food.
Don’t cut out totally b4 exams but limit them work on helping him to prepare nutritious meals so he is ready for uni, as most put on a few stone the first year, from junk food and alcohol.