Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Autistic and can’t work but would like ideas of how to fill my time?

363 replies

furtheringeducation · 02/04/2023 08:34

Once my youngest goes to school full time in September?

Im thinking about a OU course but is it worth it if it’s just for me and not towards a qualification specifically for a job but just something I enjoy ? Do they ever make you go in person or a it all done from home ?
Im also wondering about some DIY projects as I really enjoy this type of thing and the house does need a lot of work.

I don’t really leave the house much but can get into the garden although I know nothing about gardening at all. I just don’t want to do nothing I’d like to find some things to keep my mind active

OP posts:
Thread gallery
39
Nepmarthiturn · 02/04/2023 10:52

I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive. Perhaps you are correct in that I need to increase my knowledge on this topic.

No "perhaps" about it. You don't have to learn about it, if you don't want to. But if that's the case, don't involve yourself in conversations on the topic. But yes it would be great if you want to learn about it. Maybe start a nee thread about that and I'm sure many posters will point you towards books and documentaries so you can learn about it, if you are genuine in saying this.

RegainingTheWill2023 · 02/04/2023 10:52

Callmenat · 02/04/2023 10:48

I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive. Perhaps you are correct in that I need to increase my knowledge on this topic.

Show quote history

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0bbnh47

Thank you @Callmenat
If you get a chance try looking at these films.

BBC Two - Inside Our Autistic Minds

Chris Packham helps autistic people connect with their friends and family in a new way.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0bbnh47

Changemaname1 · 02/04/2023 10:54

teacakie · 02/04/2023 09:39

If you're able to do an OU course, you should be able to do some kind of paid work.

There is a word of difference between a paid job and a course you study online at your leisure Sad

Can we maybe stop assuming people can get a job because they can do something not at all related to a job?

It's really condescending that you think you know better.

You really just took one line out of that whole post by @Eudaimonia5 didn’t you

teacakie · 02/04/2023 10:56

You really just took one line out of that whole post by @Eudaimonia5 didn’t you

Yes, I did.

turtlemurtle1982 · 02/04/2023 10:59

Learning is never a waste of time. Im your case is focus on getting a maths qualification. Often they're free through job centres.

Nepmarthiturn · 02/04/2023 11:00

So you want everyone to suffer? Wow

That post was unkind and badly phrased, but I think probably driven by living a lifetime of discrimination and dealing with the kind of lack of compassion and understanding shown on this thread.

I think that what that poster was getting at was that the lockdown made the world a very hostile and restrictive and scary place for many NT people, and that years later many still say they are coping with mental health damage from that. So perhaps they could, from that experience, have the empathy to consider what it would be like for an autistic person to live in a hostile and restrictive and scary environment for their entire life with no prospect of that ever changing, and imagine how that might impact someone's mental health.

xSilverandcoldx · 02/04/2023 11:01

I'm on venlafaxine too and it's great. Not pursued an autism diagnosis but my daughter has ASD and I think it is a strong possibility.

I've had CBT several times and it never worked for me. I'm sure I've read since that it is not helpful if you are actually autistic rather than anxiety so maybe that's why.

I work in a very structured job that I really enjoy so no advice there, but if you are spending all your time at home then learning to make it as nice as possible sounds like the way to go. Doing up your garden would be great to get you out in the fresh air without having to worry about interacting with people!

MrsDoylesDoily · 02/04/2023 11:01

Callmenat · 02/04/2023 10:48

I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive. Perhaps you are correct in that I need to increase my knowledge on this topic.

Show quote history

@Callmenat there is absolutely no 'perhaps' about it.

I get it though. When I first joined MN many years ago I had no clue about autism and many other conditions.

But I've learned so so much and I think you could too, if you just stop posting and read what those with great knowledge of those conditions/disabilities are saying.

Callmenat · 02/04/2023 11:02

MrsDoylesDoily · 02/04/2023 11:01

@Callmenat there is absolutely no 'perhaps' about it.

I get it though. When I first joined MN many years ago I had no clue about autism and many other conditions.

But I've learned so so much and I think you could too, if you just stop posting and read what those with great knowledge of those conditions/disabilities are saying.

Show quote history

I am going to start by watching the bbc documentary a previous poster recommended. And I'll pipe down. Thanks all

MrsDoylesDoily · 02/04/2023 11:04

Nepmarthiturn · 02/04/2023 11:00

So you want everyone to suffer? Wow

That post was unkind and badly phrased, but I think probably driven by living a lifetime of discrimination and dealing with the kind of lack of compassion and understanding shown on this thread.

I think that what that poster was getting at was that the lockdown made the world a very hostile and restrictive and scary place for many NT people, and that years later many still say they are coping with mental health damage from that. So perhaps they could, from that experience, have the empathy to consider what it would be like for an autistic person to live in a hostile and restrictive and scary environment for their entire life with no prospect of that ever changing, and imagine how that might impact someone's mental health.

I would imagine those who did develop a mental health condition due to lockdown, probably do have the empathy to consider all that?

There's certainly no evidence to the contrary on this thread as we don't know who was affected by it in that way.

lemmity · 02/04/2023 11:05

Anything to do with computing might be fun. I'm ND and so is pretty much everyone I work with. I suck at maths but I enjoy coding. Agile development methodologies have practical applications (you can build a backlog or to do list of your DIY projects and a system to manage each task using the same principles).

FishChipsMushyPeas · 02/04/2023 11:06

@KittyWitty I would love to see some of your artwork. I want to become more arty but if I attempt anything it looks like I did it with my feet.

KillingLoneliness · 02/04/2023 11:07

Xrays · 02/04/2023 09:06

You don’t understand how autism affects different people. I have autism, I am very capable of looking after my child - who also has autism- and I achieved very well at school but I can’t work. I suffer very severe social anxiety and difficulty being around other people and every job I’ve ever had I’ve ended up either losing or having to leave due to mental health reasons. It’s not always as straightforward as it seems.

Show quote history

@Xrays Can I ask a personal question? How do you survive financially? I’m have autism and ADHD, I have crippling social anxiety, I don’t have any friends, I never leave the house unless it’s for my children. I really need to get into work but it makes me feel so ill, I don’t know how we will survive if I don’t find work though but I need term time which is impossible to find right now

stbrandonsboat · 02/04/2023 11:07

Callmenat · 02/04/2023 10:43

That amused you?! 😲

Show quote history

Oh absolutely

Nowdontmakeamess · 02/04/2023 11:10

It’s great you are looking for something to fill your time, it can really help self-esteem and confidence to gain new skills. It can also help to focus on things outside of your head to improve mental health. There are lots of books and You Tube videos about how to start gardening or DIY projects.

However you have a child, and if your problems are so bad you can’t leave the house or interact with anyone outside if your family I think that is what you should concentrate on. Your priority should be being the best parent for your child, and at the moment you cannot possibly be fulfilling all their needs. Therapy, medication and slow steps towards being able to do something regularly outside the home will all help. It doesn’t necessarily have to be paid work, although there are many roles which can be WFH and employers who are autism aware and can make adjustments for you.

You have agoraphobia, that is not directly caused by being autistic but can be a result of trauma experienced by being in situations that you have found difficult. Hiding away from the world won’t benefit you or your child in the long run.

QuertyGirl · 02/04/2023 11:11

Why are people arguing over whether she can work or not?

She's said she can't, that's the end of it.

teacakie · 02/04/2023 11:12

QuertyGirl · 02/04/2023 11:11

Why are people arguing over whether she can work or not?

She's said she can't, that's the end of it.

Because they are ignorant, arrogant people who think they know better. Superiority is important to many. Sad little people challenging a disabled adult.

Original poster
furtheringeducation · 02/04/2023 11:13

Tirrrrred · 02/04/2023 09:47

@Xrays

Out of interest do you claim PIP?
I had the lowest rate for mobility (actually going out not being able to walk) £23.40 a week for 2 years. They've stopped it all now. Even though I have 3 more diagnosis than before.

No I was declined twice. I couldn’t even go to the appt the first 3 times and when I did they just said I had managed to get there on time etc.
I don’t think I’d apply again I found the process upsetting and I’m very glad my dh works as if he didn’t or i needed UC I think I’d be sanctioned

OP posts:
yano · 02/04/2023 11:13

"So this is where you start. Get yourself on a maths course first, get some qualifications then the wonderful world of employment will be wide open to you!"

@Soontobe60 - en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyscalculia

Original poster
furtheringeducation · 02/04/2023 11:16

Nowdontmakeamess · 02/04/2023 11:10

It’s great you are looking for something to fill your time, it can really help self-esteem and confidence to gain new skills. It can also help to focus on things outside of your head to improve mental health. There are lots of books and You Tube videos about how to start gardening or DIY projects.

However you have a child, and if your problems are so bad you can’t leave the house or interact with anyone outside if your family I think that is what you should concentrate on. Your priority should be being the best parent for your child, and at the moment you cannot possibly be fulfilling all their needs. Therapy, medication and slow steps towards being able to do something regularly outside the home will all help. It doesn’t necessarily have to be paid work, although there are many roles which can be WFH and employers who are autism aware and can make adjustments for you.

You have agoraphobia, that is not directly caused by being autistic but can be a result of trauma experienced by being in situations that you have found difficult. Hiding away from the world won’t benefit you or your child in the long run.

I can meet the needs of my children. They are happy and are fine . My school age dc is dropped to a childminder who does the school run dh drops off and picks up on his way to / from work . My younger dc has 2 days a week at same childminder so they aren’t stuck in with me. At weekends they go out with dh. Very occasionally I go too but it’s very difficult so on average once a month

OP posts:
MrsDoylesDoily · 02/04/2023 11:18

stbrandonsboat · 02/04/2023 11:07

Oh absolutely

Show quote history

If you think people becoming mentally ill is amusing, you're someone else who should probably stop posting right now, in favour of reading the thread.

Unless you're on a windup, in which case you should still stop posting.

Original poster
furtheringeducation · 02/04/2023 11:22

I definitely think I’ll look at gardening, my garden needs a lot of work plus it’s something that I think I could manage ‘outside’

OP posts:
IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 02/04/2023 11:22

Lots of interesting and useful hobbies and study options discussed here. I just wanted to offer some kind of regular exercise to uphold your health and wellbeing - loads that could be done from home from strength training to yoga to dance etc. Can join classes online or use pre recorded stuff from YouTube or written guides.

KittyWitty · 02/04/2023 11:29

@Mydoghealsmyheart it is through a charity in my town that runs art therapy classes. I would rather not say the name, as it would be very obvious where I live then. When I applied, I explained my needs and they have me in a group with 3 other people who are very quiet, we never have to sit opposite each other and we have a lot of space each. It’s brilliant and made such a a difference for me 🥰

Soontobe60 · 02/04/2023 11:34

RegainingTheWill2023 · 02/04/2023 10:23

So this is where you start. Get yourself on a maths course first, get some qualifications then the wonderful world of employment will be wide open to you!
I have no reason to think you would want to be deliberately hurtful @Soontobe60 so I respond politely that your suggestion indicates that you do not understand and haven't considered how damaging such a simplistic attitude is.

How is it hurtful? The OP herself said she would like to do something like an OU course, would consider admin type jobs, where she could possibly WFH. She pointed out that the reason she couldn't do this was because she had dyscalculia. You’re not ‘responding politely’, you’re being dismissive and judgemental. Whereas I believe that it’s important for people with ANY disability to be empowered.