How do you manage life with young kids who are early risers?

[TheStuffalo]

We have two DC - DS 4 and DD 20 months. I work part time 4 days a week and DH works full time. I have Fridays with the kids.

I just feel like we are constantly struggling and nothing feels easy or fun. The kids wake between 4-5am. DH and I try to get to bed at 9:30pm but it's not always possible with chores/tidying.

we have a cleaner once a week but the house is a constant tip with stuff everywhere. It's nice for about an hour after the cleaner has gone but once the kids come home it's like the cleaner wasn't even here. We get the kids to "tidy" their toys away every evening but even then it just feels like such a jumble with clothes everywhere.

This winter we have all been constantly sick. It started with a bad bout of flu before Christmas and I have had six viruses since January and I can't remember the last time I felt normal. It was like this last year as Jan - May was a write off. I went for blood tests but everything was normal.

sleep is shit. DH and I try and alternate mornings so one of us can have a lie in but the kids always hunt me down. I haven't had a proper lie in since before DS was born.

we've become crap parents. Most mornings and evenings after they come back from childcare is in front of the tv. We do take them out on weekends when we aren't sick but recently it hasn't been much and a lot of the time we stay at home. We do try and take turns taking the kids out to give each other a rest but it never feels enough. We do try and take turns going out in the evening as well but I'm so knackered I don't want to. DH and I haven't had a date night since before DD was born.

There are pockets of joy but it's such hard work and DH and I never have time for ourselves. DS is quite active, strong willed and emotional which makes everything feel harder and means I experience a full range of extreme emotions all before 7am. He's a joyful little soul but the defiance and anger and shouting and crying all feels too much for me sometimes.

the lack of sleep is taking a massive toll on me mentally and physically and also on my work. The constant volley of emotions is also taking its toll. I feel like if the kids slept in until 6am it would make such a positive difference. Try as I might I've not been able to change their sleeping patterns.

how does everyone with early risers cope? How do people deal with the early wake ups? I know people say it gets better but it just feels never ending and I feel miserable right now.

Mine was always an early riser!

Nothing helped but I did use to put him my bed and put on tv and nap.

I was a LP so it was sanity saving!

He's a swimmer now and so has also spent his teen years getting up at 4/5am for training 5 days a week.

I just decided a long time ago that some people are early risers and that's who they are.

Realise that's no help

Will also add that mine is actually ND - he has a physically disability and is autistic.

My DC are much older now, teens.

I'm going to say don't bother trying various 'solutions' to their sleep patterns. I tried it all....nothing worked. One of my DC is an early riser, always was. It was pretty horrendous when she was little. Remained an early riser and still is even now and throughout her entire teens. It's their body clock, no point fighting it.

When they were little they (and we) had constant rounds of illness, especially in winter. Many, many weekends wiped out. Many days of stuggling with work and childcare. Many days wondering where the fuck my life had gone.

Having two young DC is hard, hard, hard. It gets better....slowly.

Thank you all for your replies. Your solidarity has helped me through a rough patch and I'm just giving up and accepting that it's going to hard going. We have had a couple of 5:45am wake ups so I'm holding out hope things will right themselves soon 😂 the eldest was an early riser when he was younger but will sleep until 6:30 if we can whisk the little one downstairs. She just makes such a racket she wakes him up. DH has also been very good recently at letting my lie in which helps.

Is there something that is making them wake this early? Neighbours being loud? Are they hungry or thirsty? What time are they going to bed at night? Too cold or too hot? I remember when my dd went through a phase of 5.45am wake ups and it was hell!

One day at a time lol it goes by fast ! My ds from 20 months used to get up at 4.30am. I was knackered as pregnant and working still. He increased by about 30 mins after fitting black out material to window. He could make the sun come up on.the grow clock too. Only saving grace was he would ask for bed at 6.30pm after bed time story he was fast asleep. Even tried keeping him up late he would still get up early. He had stopped nap time too .

We tried all the tricks too. As he got older, ds slowly started to have later wake up times (used to be 3am). The grow clock was appreciated but did nothing. The 4 year old now sleeps about 8-6 (but with 1-2 wakes for milk/a wee), and then plays puzzles silently on his kids tablet next to me and has pre-prepped snacks until owl wakes up at 6.30. Survival. His 14 month old sister would happily sleep at least another hour, but nursery/work...

It's horrific when your day starts at night time. Especially when you're taking turns and alone in the tiny hours, awake for the day. 6am is very civilised in comparison to our first 3 years, and we were VERY lucky with our second.

I put a massive tub of Lego and a bowl of dry cereal in his room- showed him where 6o’clock was on his clock and told him he wasn’t allowed to wake us until then…

Like other kids, now he’s 22 he loves a lie in!

At risk of pointing out the obvious, did you know you can lock the gro clock so they can't fiddle with it? That's what we do.

You youngest is definitely not too young for a gro clock, I introduced it when DC1 was 19 months old and it worked a treat. My advice is to set the "sunshine" for the time they naturally wake up for the first night or two, then gradually make it later (in 10-15 minute increments every couple of days) until it's a sensible time. In my book that's 6.30am but see what works for you.

Does your 4yo have quiet activities that he could do in his room until "sunrise"? Books he could look at? Anything else to occupy him quietly? Presumably you've tried things like a sticker reward chart if he stays in his room until "sunrise"?