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Original poster

Why do schools reward terrible behaviour?

79 replies

Sauvignonblancandcrisps · 31/03/2023 19:35

Just that really. My child's high school had an award ceremony today. A boy who has been reported to the school on several occasions for bullying, including homophobic and racist, won an award. I'm just wondering how schools justify this? Any teachers out there who can shed some light on the thought process?

OP posts:

OldChinaJug · 01/04/2023 15:58

midnightblue12 · 01/04/2023 12:15

This happens in my sons primary school.
The most challenging children are always up getting the gold sticker or star of the week. Week after week. My son, who it's a great student is very rarely acknowledged.
I get that the children struggling need more recognition and a small step to us can be a ginormous step for them so of course that should be celebrated!
But equally at the same time, the children in the middle who work really hard shouldn't be pushed to the side. Sometimes it feels like my son is, but I can assure you he is loved and celebrated at home.
Maybe these struggling children aren't for whatever reason.

I do think these celebration evening though are bit disingenuous.

My children were your child too.

The thing is, they get constant recognition and praise in small ways.

Some children come into school with the weight of the world in their shoulders and go back home for more of the same.

The sad thing is that not all children are on a level playing field. Not all children come into school fed, with their mum telling them to work hard and do their best and that they love them. Not all children have parents who read to them every night, take an interest in their day, take then to places, teach them skills.

Some children are in survival mode. Some children are combative because their parents are combative towards them. Some have parents who put them down, mock and ridicule them. Some children feel shame for their very existence. Those are the children who behave the worst because they have already learnt its them against the world and the world doesn't give a shit.

So we do what we can to make even the hardest to love children feel loved and worthwhile and valuable. Their parents aren't doing it so someone has to.

And we are genuinely overjoyed when they do something we can reward them for.

OldChinaJug · 01/04/2023 16:03

These threads crop up all the time in one guise or another.

I wish sometimes that parents could be made aware of what some of the children in their child's class are living with. There might be a bit more empathy and compassion for these children or at least understanding of our methods.

The lives some children live are heart breaking and there's far too much of it.

OldChinaJug · 01/04/2023 16:08

Sauvignonblancandcrisps · 31/03/2023 20:44

Your kids are lucky to have a teacher who considers them all so thoughtfully. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Show quote history

Not wishing to take anything away from this poster but this is standard practice, OP.

OldChinaJug · 01/04/2023 16:11

Chattycathydoll · 31/03/2023 20:45

I used to think like that. I was an overachieving, gifted and talented, mousey academic type. I thought it totally unfair that I get a certificate, and the rowdy kids also get a certificate, when I did ‘so much more/better’.

But fate loves to laugh at us, and I ended up raising a dyslexic suspected-ADHD DD who hates school. I now see how hard it is just for her to get in the building because all of it is such a struggle for her. How just being there is work. Sitting and not talking or running or jumping like she would want to. I used to sigh and roll my eyes and think ‘that’s the bare minimum, why should they be rewarded?’

And now I see how hard it is for her to do ‘the bare minimum’. So if it’s hard enough to do that- gosh, it must be overwhelming for her to do that every day. To see how easy it is for everyone else and not for her. And to try anyway. To keep on trying.

I completely get it now. And yes little academic me needed the motivation of a certificate because school was the only thing I was good at. But DD deserves hers for facing it over and over when it isn’t what she’s good at. I’m prouder of her ‘improvement’ awards than I ever was of my ‘achievement’ awards.

❤️

I was you at school. And then I became a teacher and I understood too.

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