Why do schools reward terrible behaviour?

[Sauvignonblancandcrisps]

Just that really. My child's high school had an award ceremony today. A boy who has been reported to the school on several occasions for bullying, including homophobic and racist, won an award. I'm just wondering how schools justify this? Any teachers out there who can shed some light on the thought process?

It’s crap for the decent well behaved kids and it’s crap for the anxious, introverts who struggle just as much if not more than those who kick off but it’s always the violent aggressive disruptive kids who get the majority of attention and the majority of the rewards at school. The quiet ones who struggle are ignored as are those who always behave and do well. And it’s not fair to the decent kids!

I used to be a TA in a secondary school. The core of children who were disruptive and had issues were taken out for a lovely afternoon bowling and then to burger king at the end of the term. The hardworking and diligent children who tried really hard may have got a certificate at the end of year assembly. The complaints from the "good" children and their parents were long and loud, and at the time I agreed that it was massively unfair and the burger king kids didn't deserve it.

The difference now, years later, being that many of the children who got taken for the day out continued to lead chaotic lives and haven't achieved anywhere near their potential. The diligent ones, many of them, have gone on to do well and I'm sure don't really care now about it because they're getting on with their lives.

Sadly true.
I've always been of the opinion nice people just get trampled on and the pushy bullies tend to get on. Some exceptions obviously but in general true.

Disregarding the OP because she hasn't said how old the DCs are or what the award was for, the problem is that as adults we can fully appreciate the benefits of positive reinforcement. But the other children don't have that maturity and often do see it as a reward for bad behaviour. How often do we read on here about much older children causing problems and people saying that the brain isn't fully developed until age 25.

There are some PPs who've commented that when it was happening when they were at school they thought it was unfair but now as parents of children with difficulties they appreciate it.

yeah, the thread title is for ‘terrible behaviour’ not bullying. My DD is certainly not a bully but her classroom behaviour was pretty terrible. She never answered questions properly, didn’t write in her exercise book, got 0/10 every week on those horrible spelling tests which are really just torture for SEN kids, she called out, talked all the time and mucked around…

What she needed was more support. She couldn’t write answers when her learning difficulty means she can’t write. I’m so proud of her simply for showing up week after week getting 0s despite any amount of practice pre-diagnosis. I sorely wish other parents would teach this to their kids when they feel envious, I wish mine had been more empathetic and explained to me that some kids are trying, they just find it harder for different reasons. I genuinely did not know until I had my daughter just how hard some kids could find school.

The whole "awards" thing is so hard to get right, maybe they'd be better off ditching it.

Reward the high achievers and its unfair on those who have learning difficulties or less academic.

Reward the high attenders and its unfair on those with chronic illness or feckless parents.

Reward the well behaved and its unfair on those with adhd or certain kinds of trauma / family background.

Reward the improvers and its unfair on those who were always doing well to start with.

Fair enough to award winners if they choose to take part in a competition. Otherwise just encourage kids day-to-day as individuals as they go along.

This

Some parents seem to have very strange ideas about their children and others:

Their own child is perfect, never lies and god forbid a teacher even dares to reprimand their child in any way. This child also is soooo hard done by - they are never picked for ANY awards wah wah
Then the parent also decides certain children are bad, they are bullies, the school panders to them, they win all the awards, the school isn’t strict enough…

It is certainly never quite as simple as the above but strangely this seems to be the thinking of many a parent.

So what do you suggest? We just assume kids who are on a slightly wonky path are too far gone to help and leave them to it?

I wish all schools would stop giving out crap plastic toys. they are a choking hazard for younger siblings and babies. they are bad for the environment, they cost the teachers money.

I can see how it can be hard to stop once you started but even stickers all over the house are annoying. just stamp the kids hand or say 'we'll done' nobody needs 5 treats a week.

This is the difference I think. Rewards as a motivator and fine as long as those who are consistently well behaved are also recognised and not forgotten as is so often the case.

My son is well behaved and one of the highest achievers in a particular subject. School bully and one who speaks back to teachers regularly is always getting on the Achievement Board. My son has said it's pointless trying because it's only the bad behaved ones who get praise. So the bad guys win, be bad but show a little effort and they win. Good guys behave well and put effort in constantly and go under the radar.

This could have been my school. We were all treated to trips like this - it was because we were part of an ‘outward bound’ type schemes. We were all (kids from foster care, abusive homes, care of local authority, young carers to disabled parents etc) considered children in need. The idea is that we could not and would not access any enhancements in our home lives, so we were sometimes eligible to attend trips with school. None of us would have been smirking though, most people knew we were there because we were like the dregs of society. It felt like a throwaway.

Op you still haven't clarified what they've been rewarded for. So full attendance, a science award because they did the best piece of work etc vs best pupil, good behaviour award

School awards are divisive in any situation.
DD's friend had an award for not
missing any orchestra rehearsals and concerts. DD also attended all rehearsals and concerts but she didn't get an award.

It carries on in work too. A poor PM will get an award when really his/her fantastic team has ensured the success of the project dispute poor project management. Etc etc.

It’s not just at school that bad behaviour is rewarded; it’s the workplace too

Then research, not complaining, is your friend here!

Why aren’t you telling us what the award was for?

My son has said it's pointless trying because it's only the bad behaved ones who get praise. So the bad guys win, be bad but show a little effort and they win.

My DD would be one of those “bad behaved” kids, not mean, or aggressive or bullying but unable to sit still for long, distracted and unable to focus, impulsive behaviours etc. She has a history of complex trauma, global developmental delay, there’s also likely ADHD/ASD in the mix. She has language processing difficulties, the list goes on. She does get rewarded for behaviours that would be taken for granted in other kids. For her it’s not “showing a little effort” to not interrupt the teacher, or to complete a piece of written work - it’s a huge effort and one that should be recognised as much as another child’s achievement in maths or literacy.

If we helped our kids understand that different children will have difficulty with different things and everyone deserves to have their efforts recognised school would be easier. I was one of those well behaved, everything comes easy kids, until my own had real struggles with school I didn’t realise just how bad an environment school is for kids who don’t fit the mould for whatever reason.

This happens in my sons primary school.
The most challenging children are always up getting the gold sticker or star of the week. Week after week. My son, who it's a great student is very rarely acknowledged.
I get that the children struggling need more recognition and a small step to us can be a ginormous step for them so of course that should be celebrated!
But equally at the same time, the children in the middle who work really hard shouldn't be pushed to the side. Sometimes it feels like my son is, but I can assure you he is loved and celebrated at home.
Maybe these struggling children aren't for whatever reason.

I do think these celebration evening though are bit disingenuous.

@Jellycatspyjamas

Most year 9s fully get that concept though. It’s when the ones who go round breaking peoples noses (really) who then get massively rewarded when they start to feel particularly hard done by. Most kids of that age do know the difference between kids who genuinely struggle and kids who are no doubt heading for youth offenders post 16.

Because it's going to be something completely justified like 'most improved effort' and it doesn't suit her agenda

1).lack of imagination and money why is it either or.
2) it's to break the cycle the child is in. It's very true that usually the dc causing issues have valid reasons as to why. But it's not treated, could be family issues, not getting enough emotion support, something extreme happening be that a parents drunk, drugs or even ocd cleanings and control.

The child is just so hard to manage by teachers with no training, and probably needs massive interventions on every thing. However what they can do is try and find that one shard of positivity and say that if you do good things, you will have good happen back.

It may just break that cycle.

The idea of that of you give the child something to value themselves for,albeit their self esteem will improve and maybe they won't become an abuser.

I'm a primary teacher.

I don't reward bad behaviour but I will find any opportunity I can to value a child who has such a shit home life that their self esteem is on the floor and they take it out on others.

At primary, jobs are a coveted privilege. There are two girls in my class who have shit home lives, neither is very academically able, nether has a 'spark', neither gives us much reason to reward them generally.

When it comes to the end of term and I'm taking down displays, they all want to help but it's these two girls' job to do it. This is a very coveted job!

They pay great care and attention to removing and organising the display resources, they use their initiative and they follow instructions (it's about the only time they do).

Tbh, other children have other jobs to do on a daily basis but this one is theirs. And they bloody love it. They take such pride in their work while doing it. And I'm proud of them too.

It means that for that day, if no other (and I do give them other opportunities of course - this is just one example), they feel worth something, important, capable, valued. And tbh I don't really care if someone else's parent's nose is pushed out of joint that they get to do it.

They get plenty of sanctions for their poor behaviour. They have as much right as anyone else to be rewarded for their good.

As a footnote, I also recognise the children who always work hard and do as they're told. As do their parents. As does everyone else. They get opportunities that these two girls never do because of the disparity in their school attendance, reliability, behaviour.

If children never have their positive qualities recognised, how do we expect them to realise they are as valuable and worthy as anyone else?