About to move in with daughter & son-in-law

[Wilff]

I'm 53yrs and not coped well after divorce,to the long drawn out final point of not being able to afford to find a place to live by myself.
My daughter & son-in-law are having to use thier spare room to let me stay for a couple of months meanwhile hopefully I can sort something out.
I'm really concerned about not getting under thier feet and them having to adapt thier usual routine because of me.
My son-in-law has an 8yr old daughter who stays with them alternate weeks at a time.
Plus my daughter is almost 12weeks with her first pregnancy.
I work part-time

It's Friday today
I move in this Sunday evening
My son helped me pack some belongings yesterday
I haven't done anything much today.
Feeling all sorts of emotions

Words of advice much appreciated....

Sorry you're in this situation, but I'm 53, a single parent, work full time and run a house. Is there a reason you're not working full time, surely that would boost affordability for your own home.

Thankyou for asking. This is copy & pasted from me around 9.30pm. Does it cover your valid point? If not, please feel free to share your thoughts. x

Please excuse the following bullet point style way that I'm about to fill in some of the queries asked.

our family home was sold approx 5 years ago when we first separated. I have used up my share of capital during this time.

I have been paying private rental for a very small modest 1 bed / no garden.

shortly after moving into this rented flat 4 years ago, the business i worked full time for went into receivership, my mental health then unfortunately took me dark places where I found myself cut off from dealing with reality up until last March.

with the help of Counsellor, GP and Universal Credit I have been fortunate to have taken my first tentative steps at getting back to being on the right path, by getting a part-time job doing work and hours that I can achieve.

my employer is a well known international company with excellent employee care. The management won't increase my hours until they are reassured I'm not taking on more than I will be able to cope with.

Did you not consider approaching housing as a homeless person?
Are you getting all the benefits your entitled to?
There really needs to be an end date to this.
Daughter is ?3 months pregnant so the 'couple of months' you want to stay is inching into her final pregnancy time, which could be a busy and problematic time if you need their help with moving?

My plan is to approach the Council Housing Dept 'once' I'm officially no longer have a home.
I understand that they won't particularly look at my situation until then.

Can you see if your local council can help with a deposit ? Ours does.

53 is very young to be in this position

Could you look at shared housing even temp, they do exist for older people in some areas

Great advice x

Do you think the council will have information on this ?

My worry is they'll then say your adequately housed at family?

How many hours do you work?
If you were my mother (and i'm actually the same age as you but in a different position) - i wouldn't want you sat on your own all the time but You need to establish up front what the rules are- are there certain nights they might want some space? if you visit your son on certain days or do different activities (which would be good for your mental health as well) then make sure everyone knows up front
Agree what housework/tasks you should do- and do them - my mum stayed with me for a while- expressed thats she would cook sometimes and never did- vaguely asking if she could help some evenings- or criticising the food choices
Work out a timetable if necessary for bathrooms/laundry etc.
Decide what you are going to do independently or as a unit - eg will you cook as a family or fend for yourselves? shop?

On the positives you are going into their home aware that it can cause problems. I agree with the poster up thread who suggested you sit down with your family. As this thread has shown, people have different ideas, the best people to ask are those who it affects.

Has your DD & SiL proactively offered to take you in or is it a reluctant agreement while you have no where else to go, as that can make a huge difference.

Devise a plan to manage expectations and a timeline. How much can you contribute financially and on a practical level, and what is the routine, where would you fit in, that sort of thing.

On the practicalities of housing. Are you being evicted, can you afford your rent? Have you had support to claim discretionary housing payments whilst you look for a different place to live, contacted Shelter or housing support? A rent top up could give some breathing space while you looked elsewhere and reached the stage where you could maybe increase your hours.

Have you looked at renting a room somewhere else or in over 50's housing which exist in many arears? If you are approaching the council you need to ensure you are not classed as intentionally homeless.

If your Mental Health is so poor that you are unable to work full time and are on some sort of performance related pathway or reasonable adjustments have you had an independent (not a UC adviser) benefit check to see if you are receiving full benefit entitlement?

Do you have any friends or hobbies and how much motivation do you have, when you said you have done nothing today is that because you are still struggling to cope? How independent are you? Do you have any addictions that you are battling which could affect the dynamic, or will your family need to be offering support with your MH? Are your DD & SiL aware of how much support you will need? A barrage of questions but very relevant if you are moving into someone's home.

In reality just finding and organising a rental can take more than a couple of months so discuss with your DD & SiL how often you will revisit the situation to prevent this becoming unending. It can be very easy to settle into a situation and before you know it those couple of month, and more, have passed.

As soon as you leave the rented house - you'll be homeless (presumably you've been given notice to leave). Personally I would avoid going to your daughters home and instead go to the council and ask for their assistance. I'm so sorry you are in this situation, I hope things get better for you soon x

Not really much help but I’ve just bought an indoor tv aerial from Asda works brilliantly

give each other space and privacy is the main thing

just tell them you’ll be sat in your room most of the night watching tv not being rude or felling unwelcome you just want to give them space

Speak to age concern OP, I'm pretty sure they have a support service for helping people in their 50's find permanent housing. Good luck. This is only a temporary chapter. You sound lovely to be so considerate.

Why are you leaving the private let you're in?

If you are leaving of your own volition then the council will consider you as voluntarily homeless and are not obliged to house you.

Have you contacted Shelter for advice?