Have we time travelled? To the 1950s?

[CurlewKate]

So far on here today we've had someone saying their black friend is absolutely fine with white people wearing fake dreads as fancy dress (for a Jamaican person!) and a whole thread of people saying it's absolutely fine for men to call women they don't know "darling""love""babe" and assorted other endearments. Really?

I worked for years with all men and one of them used to say sometimes when he saw me " hello me old mucker"

Usually it was love, chick, lovely, m'dear, sweetheart or occasionally, my name.

Really fun place to work. Miss those days.

So far on here today we've had someone saying their black friend is absolutely fine with white people wearing fake dreads as fancy dress (for a Jamaican person!)

Its actually offensive that you are trying to dismiss this black person’s (who I assume is Jamaican) opinion.

Why does your opinion outweigh theirs?

Calling out racism when you see it is fine.
Saying that you find something offensive /racist/ distasteful is fine too.

Saying someone’s opinion is wrong because you get to decide what is and isn’t offensive for them is not fine.

Do you still get called Queen in Liverpool ?
I like being called love/duck etc.

My white dh recently wore fake dreads to a fancy dress party (boy George) - it didn’t occur to us to ask our black friends permission

I can see how it would be offensive if a white person went in blackface but to dress up as a Rastafarian to a fancy dress party - I don’t understand what’s wrong with that?

Didnt the ancient Celts have dreadlocks? People with afro hair often straighten it/wear wigs - are you saying that’s wrong too?

As for using terms such as “love” etc it depends on the circumstances and who is saying it - I can’t get too worked up about it as I live in a place where everyone is “love” and “Chuck”.

Oh Christ on a bike , I’m forever calling people I don’t know love at work , it really doesn’t bother me one bit what odd terms people use for me , in fact I’ve only ever had one person complain and she was a particularly curmudgeonly sausage .

You sound ever so easily offended and tetchy...must be exhausting.

Local to me is 'maid' but you don't hear it often. It made my day when I moved out of the way for some old boy on his tractor and he said "Thank 'ee, maid."

I hate terms of endearment like "love", "darling" etc from anyone I don't know well, regardless of their sex. It's just rude. If shop workers can't be polite to customers and call them "sir" or "madam", then it's better to use nothing at all. Over-familiarity is just do unprofessional.

‘Duck’ , or ‘me duck’ is universal around Notts / Derbyshire, and refers equally to men and women, and used by both.

Ey up me duck

In my part of the South West it's either chick (chicken), or bab (babber). I have no issue with terms of endearment. It's better than being called "bitch" or "cunt".

I take it you mean in the Midlands? It's love or petal, etc in the north, depending whereabouts you are. Duck is definitely Potteries and East Midlands.

I recently decided against an estate agent on the grounds he called me "love" - I'm in my 60s I think he was only a few years younger. He was trying to push a point home that he clearly thought I couldn't cope with/understand "Look Hanger, love, you need to do x y and z" - yeah he can fuck right off. When I told him he hadn't got the business there was a stunned silence. Bullet dodged I think, love.