Highly sensitive people / sensory processing sensitivity

[Chimneypotblues]

Has anyone heard of "highly sensitive people/children " or "sensory processing sensitivity"? (Not sensory processing disorder, just sensitivity).

My DD has always been emotionally oversensitive, even as a little baby. Her behaviour can be a bit on the extreme side, she'll have big emotional meltdowns, and I have to be very careful in how I tell her off - she seems to feel everything incredibly deeply. Her development is otherwise normal, no problems socially or academically (other than being hugely self-critical and a perfectionist).

I came across these terms yesterday and from what I've read online, they describe/explain her behaviour really well.

Some of the websites I looked at claim ~15-20% of people may have these traits, but I'd never even heard of it before.

I was wondering if anyone else has heard of this, or has experience of it?

Following with interest. DD always seems to feel things too deeply.

Ds has this from birth. Figuring out his exact under/over sensitivity and doing things to avoid or mitigate help a lot.
Look into sensory diet - basically build in things to every day to help them regulate

Also as well as the main senses of sight touch smell taste hearing there's proprioception which is knowing where your body is in space and vestibular which is about balance. Things like weighted blankets or compression clothing helps with proprioception . Sensory integration is a useful term to Google

Sorry misread your post ignore me!

I believe “highly sensitive person” is just autism by another name. Autism is so stigmatised, someone decided to make it more palatable (and sell a ton of books in the process).

Elaine Aaron I think her name is has written a book about this. In my experience and with my own kids, I have dipped into information about this, however I have recoiled slightly from the idea of trying to adapt or adjust the world around my own kids, both of whom feel deeply and are sensitive and aware. I work in a school and I think these traits are in the majority of children, kids are just far more aware and feel a lot more than adults perhaps. I don't know. I think what I am trying to say is to use the information wisely, and also consider perhaps how you feel when your daughter is having huge emotional outbursts and how you are responding to her. As in, is it ok for her to express how she feels or do you see her as too much?

Me, but someone will be along in a minute to tell you it's bollocks and a way that people claim to be special.

I hear too much, feel too much and get distressed too easily.

The way to handle it is to teach resilience skills, show her how to handle exposure- knowing what your limits are, how to avoid people who make you feel bad, and pacing.

A useful skill- imagine you are in a bubble of protection where everything's calm and still, you're safe. Push that bubble bigger and bigger. Practice when it's calm, then When things are stressful, get your bubble out!

Reacting is a choice, within your control.

Do age appropriate mindfulness and meditation with her.

She'll really appreciate it!
I wish someone had helped me instead of calling me thin skinned and over sensitive and telling me to toughen up!

I had massive sensory sensitivities as a child ( and still do). I would have really distressing meltdowns and be unable to function.
I got an autism diagnosis last year. Although the difficulties that led to the diagnosis are much more than sensory, my struggles with sensory processing are really significant.

@coffeeisthebest I saw her name come up a lot, wonder if the book is any good? Some places said it's a spectrum and there's a comparison with flowers - orchids, tulips and dandelions, they all say it's not a disorder but just a natural difference, guess a bit like having red hair or being particularly tall.

I try to stay calm when she's flipped out, I'll just sit with her, then give her cuddles when she's ready - DH gets a bit frustrated with her oversensitivity so I deal with it rather than him.

@picklemewalnuts that's helpful, I have been worrying about how her mental health will be when she's older if she can't cope with criticism, accidental social faux pass or not doing as well as she wanted in something. I do want to help her with ways she can handle things as she grows.

I really don't think it's autism, she's the polar opposite of what I've read on that with regards to social understanding and interaction - she's very good at reading people, she'll be shy to interact at first (even with people she knows well sometimes) but once she's comfortable she's away. She doesn't have any of the other traits either.

I don't think highly sensitive person is about being self critical. It could be a second and separate issue.
There are books on being highly sensitive and tips to cope.

This is my daughter exactly, so I’m following your thread with interest. My dd melts down with anything new - new spelling and skipping with a rope is the thing at the moment. If she can’t do something first time, her heart breaks with it, and she says she won’t ever be able to. She is so sensitive to the notion of being different from everyone else, and struggles to control her emotions .

@Rollerpiggy that sounds very familiar with the new things, we've had skipping rope drama recently too!

It's great that you are calm with but I would be really careful about the language you use to describe her experiences. 'Flipped out' and 'oversensitive' both have really negative connotations so I would just be aware of what language you are using around her. And how do you and your partner model managing difficult situations also? Do you help her to process what is happening? And are either of you perfectionists? I am one and I have definitely passed this on to my children. Luckily for them their dad is not so I am hoping they are seeing a balance.

Oh and I did like the book a few years ago, just initially when I was trying to understand the idea of sensitivity. I probably wouldn't feel the same about it now but some of what she said resonated. It does over generalise, as books of that type tend to.

You just described my autistic daughter.

Another interested thread follower. I also noticed from birth my middle DS was just different to my other babies - as soon as they popped him on the scales and he flailed and screamed his little heart out! He has similar traits to what is being described here down to being quite particular about what fabrics are touching his skin. In my head I've used the term "highly strung". He's sensitive to noise, susceptible to naughty behaviour as soon as he's hungry/thirsty/tired, and despite being very boisterous is very sensitive to how he's being told off.

@coffeeisthebest don't worry I definitely wouldn't say things like that to or around her! I've been trying to do the thing where you give the feelings a name and talk about them, sometimes if she's too upset I'll talk to one of her toys about what's going on instead of directly to her, in a gentle way. If I said anything harsh she'd cry harder for longer. I've had to talk to her teachers about things because even if she's not the one being told off (telling the whole class off for noise for example) she'll take it so much to heart. I found out at one point she was spending her break time cleaning up after some of the boys so the class wouldn't get "shouted at".

@Chimneypotblues how old is your dd?

I don't think it has to be autism. I'm a fairly sensitive person too but would describe myself as introverted rather than autistic and I've looked pretty extensively into autism in women.

She's almost 6

This is very different to my boy! Some of these behaviours sound like she might be a bit anxious. I was similar at school in that I was deathly afraid of being told off by teachers for some reason and just found school overwhelming for a good few years. I did carry anxiety into adulthood but there could be loads of different reasons for that.

The Elaine Aron books I found quite helpful, and she is adamant that it is most definitely not autism by a different name. I looked into it for my daughter and myself and we found them very helpful, they did not tick boxes for my son in the same way. He, as it turned out a few years down the line, is autistic.

I was exactly like this, and my daughter is too. We are both autistic.

One thing I notice about people saying with confidence that their child doesn’t have any autistic traits, is that they have a very narrow and stereotyped notion of what autism is. And that’s not a criticism, it’s just the way it is.

Autistic girls especially can present in a very subtle way and be very socially motivated. But when you look more deeply you can see they make social errors because they ultimately lack social awareness.

And then when you add in sensory sensitivities, meltdowns, anxiety… that all points towards possible autism.

If that horrifies you can I gently suggest you ask yourself why you feel that way.

My daughter has this it is extremely difficult. She is also autistic diagnosed aged two. It has massive daily implications and affected her school life considerably. She didn't study history, geography or RE because the subjects covered were too traumatic. Any hint of human and animal suffering or peril and she becomes overwhelmed and panicky and will faint if she isn't rescued (she freezes instead of fleeing) She found the books studied in English literature awful and was taught one to one by an autism specialist teacher so that everything could be adapted. We don't watch news programmes or have newspapers visible, she watches very little TV only safe programmes like sewing bee and bake off, she leaves the room if I plan to watch something she might find distressing. Out and about she is hyper vigilant, raised voices means we need to leave as she can't cope with conflict even among strangers. It's very life limiting and there doesn't appear to be a great deal of support now that she has finished at her independent specilist school.