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Original poster

I absolutely hate sex with my LTP

42 replies

lustornolust · 28/03/2023 23:26

Words of wisdom please. Been with my partner 5 years and the sex has never been good. It's been 'ok'. Previous to him I had a high sex drive and spent a lot of time with different flings and short term boyfriends where I thoroughly enjoyed sex so much. Since being with my partner it's just been... shit. He's perfect in every way, apart from sex. He's loving, very handsome, caring, works hard etc but the sexual chemistry is just not there for me.

I'm scared to leave, incase I regret it. If I left I could buy him out and own the house but I moved away from home to be in-between both our families and feel if I left, I'd loose everyone I've met through him and fear I'd never meet such a wonderful family as his.

I don't want to make a mistake but it's just taking its toll on me now. We haven't had sex for two months because I just can't stand it. I feel sick and disgusting afterwards and it simply isn't normal.

Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
lustornolust · 28/03/2023 23:28

Also, we have spoken about my feelings on numerous occasions and nothings changed. I just can't shake the feeling of feeling shame or grossed out by being touched by him. Is it me or him?!

OP posts:
Azandme · 28/03/2023 23:30

Unfortunately your relationship is over. You just need to face up to it. You both deserve better.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/03/2023 23:34

We haven't had sex for two months because I just can't stand it. I feel sick and disgusting afterwards and it simply isn't normal.

For fuck's sake, op, this is horrific. This relationship is already over and it needs to end now. Nothing about this is normal or healthy.

I'm sure he's a lovely person, I'm sure his family are wonderful, but that does not mean a relationship can work out. If loving someone were enough, hardly anyone would split up.

This. Isn't. Working.

Gingergirl70 · 28/03/2023 23:37

Why did you start a relationship or continue a relationship with someone you so obviously don't find sexually attractive? It's not like you've suddenly gone off him, you say it's been bad since beginning and you have no sexual chemistry. It makes you ashamed and grossed out but you want to stay for his family and friends? That's just bloody weird. Leave and give him the chance to move on and meet someone who doesn't find being intimate with him repulsive

MaggieThatchersFridge · 28/03/2023 23:37

Dear god, set him free. He deserves a life with someone who isn’t repulsed by him!

Carsarelife · 28/03/2023 23:40

You're just not a match sexually. It happens. You need to be with someone where hopefully you can have both - a fab sex life and a fab partner too. Life is short

PatsyJStone · 28/03/2023 23:41

Sadly you do lose good family and friends sometimes with a break up. But really it's not sounding like you should stay in this relationship. It's possible you can retain some friends, I did for many years.

LakeTiticaca · 28/03/2023 23:43

This was me 40+ years ago as a naive 20 year old . My first proper relationship I really fell for him. Sex was great. We decided to move in together and unfortunately on our very first night in our crummy rented bedsit, I got the ick. I couldn't stand him touching me. I naively thought it would improve but it didn't and I spent 2 years in utter misery, avoiding sex and being called frigid.
Thankfully it ended and I was finally free. You need to end things because it won't change. It's kinder that way for both of you x

Mumma · 28/03/2023 23:47

You have the 'ick' unfortunately...

You both deserve more

TheVanguardSix · 28/03/2023 23:51

It would be wholly selfish and wrong to stay (because you don’t want to lose all the people you have in common- not a good enough reason to torment each other). Let each other go! It just sounds emotionally abusive at this point.

CrotchetyCrocheting · 28/03/2023 23:57

Jeez, it's pretty nasty to lead someone down the garden path for five years and to buy property with him. Obviously he deserves better, let him go and give him the option to buy you out of the house. You are the one that went into this knowing their was no chemistry so if anyone should be homeless at the end of it it's you.

Deathbyfluffy · 28/03/2023 23:59

CrotchetyCrocheting · 28/03/2023 23:57

Jeez, it's pretty nasty to lead someone down the garden path for five years and to buy property with him. Obviously he deserves better, let him go and give him the option to buy you out of the house. You are the one that went into this knowing their was no chemistry so if anyone should be homeless at the end of it it's you.

This

Original poster
lustornolust · 29/03/2023 00:29

CrotchetyCrocheting · 28/03/2023 23:57

Jeez, it's pretty nasty to lead someone down the garden path for five years and to buy property with him. Obviously he deserves better, let him go and give him the option to buy you out of the house. You are the one that went into this knowing their was no chemistry so if anyone should be homeless at the end of it it's you.

Saying that I should be homeless because I don't enjoy sex with my partner? You don't sound like a particularly nice person

OP posts:
Pallisers · 29/03/2023 00:38

Sorry OP but someone who spends five years having shit sex with a man and not thinking that might mean something for both of you - that doesn't sound particularly nice either.

You aren't compatible. He will have great sex with someone else. You might too. Just split for god's sake.

PousseyNotMoira · 29/03/2023 00:39

lustornolust · 29/03/2023 00:29

Saying that I should be homeless because I don't enjoy sex with my partner? You don't sound like a particularly nice person

Show quote history

Why would you be homeless? If he bought you out, presumably you’d go live somewhere else?

Hawkins00 · 29/03/2023 00:39

All the best op

BreviloquentBastard · 29/03/2023 00:40

You lead a man on for five years and let him commit to buying property with you when you find intimacy with him disgusting and have known this your entire relationship.

You don't sound like a particularly nice person either.

TedMullins · 29/03/2023 00:41

How/why on earth did you even start a relationship with someone you’ve never fancied? Imagine if this was the other way around and he was on an online forum confessing that he felt sick and grossed out by having sex with you. What a horrible way to speak about someone. Dump him for both your sakes.

WeDoNotTalktoPennilynLott · 29/03/2023 00:45

You're in this relationship for all the wrong reasons. This isn't fair on your partner. Let him go to find somebody that loves every part of the relationship. Not just the friends and the house...

CallieQ · 29/03/2023 00:49

I can't get my head around why you would be in a relationship with someone you find sexually repulsive Confused

CKL987 · 29/03/2023 00:52

Have you considered speaking to a therapist? If you feel shame there might be something else going on with you.

Poopgal · 29/03/2023 00:54

Definitely not normal but is explore this issue of feeling shame. Is this your first long term partner (rather than the short flings you mentioned?). Do you think you might have problems with intimacy rather than sex?

oakleaffy · 29/03/2023 00:59

MaggieThatchersFridge · 28/03/2023 23:37

Dear god, set him free. He deserves a life with someone who isn’t repulsed by him!

Exactly this.
It's actually cruel to be with someone {Man or woman} that you don't enjoy sex with.

MargaretRiver · 29/03/2023 01:04

Could be that you have become so fond of his family that he now feels almost like a brother to you and the incest taboo has kicked in

Fifi1010 · 29/03/2023 01:06

I think what has happened OP is because you have been hurt by idiots before you have chosen someone very stable/kind but who you aren't attracted too. It's best to him and you to end it. Your relationship cannot survive if there was ever any attraction. My sex drive has nosedived 12 years in but I was crazy about him for a very long time and it's recently picked up. You can't go through the hard points of a marriage if there was no attraction there in the first place.

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