I absolutely hate sex with my LTP

[lustornolust]

Words of wisdom please. Been with my partner 5 years and the sex has never been good. It's been 'ok'. Previous to him I had a high sex drive and spent a lot of time with different flings and short term boyfriends where I thoroughly enjoyed sex so much. Since being with my partner it's just been... shit. He's perfect in every way, apart from sex. He's loving, very handsome, caring, works hard etc but the sexual chemistry is just not there for me.

I'm scared to leave, incase I regret it. If I left I could buy him out and own the house but I moved away from home to be in-between both our families and feel if I left, I'd loose everyone I've met through him and fear I'd never meet such a wonderful family as his.

I don't want to make a mistake but it's just taking its toll on me now. We haven't had sex for two months because I just can't stand it. I feel sick and disgusting afterwards and it simply isn't normal.

Any advice?

Sorry but neither do you particularly. Sounds like he ticks a lot of boxes for you but do you love him? Ticking boxes, being ‘a good bet’ does not equal love. Why did you keep going out with him if the sex was so terrible from the start? How do people get in to these relationships. The sex isn’t going to change after five years so if you aren’t happy then you should end it. Hopefully you can both find partners that satisfy you.

i don't think that's what they're saying. Read the post again.

She said she never fancied him from the beginning.

This definitely does not sound like the right relationship for either of you. So when it ends, can't you sell the house, share the equity, and you move back to where your family and friends are? I understand that that could also mean you having to find a new job, and I obviously have no idea how difficult that would be for you.

One thing moving forward, please don't expect to go back into the sexual dating arena expecting to find potential sexual partners to be just they were before your latest relationship. Not only have you got another 5 years older, with all the relevant changes that brings to all of us, both physically and emotionally, but have you thought about whether you want to go back to multiple short-term relationships, or whether you will be looking for another longer term, or maybe even a hopeful lifelong partnership? You sound quite 'matter of fact', so you have probably - hopefully - already thought all of this through, but the type of people now looking for sex and/or relationships might not be exactly the same type of people as you encountered before - as I said before, we are all 5 years older, 5 years more experienced, and we have all experienced "Covid", even though our own personal experiences will vary, most of us will have been constrained in one way or another, and affected quite profoundly.

Good luck @lustornolust, I hope that both you and your soon to be ex, find the right relationships for you both, and with as little pain on either side, as possible.

What is it that is the problem?

Is it all about him, he could make it better but he is selfish and doesnt care? Does he do the old "30 seconds per nipple, 2 minutes down below then stick it in until he is finished"? Or do you really just see him as a best friend that you dont want to lose but that you dont fancy?

To all the assholes saying leave him. A relationship isn't about sex. It's about so much more. If my partner nd I didn't have sex I'd stay with him anyway cause love is about more than sex. You'll never find happiness of all you care about is sex

Musing further...... do you have an unavailable thing? That is to say, you have amazing sex with men that you know you cannot (or they will not) have a LTR with so you make the most of it while they are around. But someone who loves you, who is committed and you know you can rely on is not so exciting. Its like the difference between married sex and affair sex. Married sex is available but affair sex has to be chased and made room for, so it is more exciting even if the spouse does more (on paper) exciting things than the affair partner.

He repulses her

They are saying leave him, to set HIM free

@KosmicK

KosmicK

she should stay with somebody who grosses her out when he touches her? And is repulsed by him? This is a deeper issue than just sex.

Agree. He's just being used. Poor bloke.

Seek counselling before you leave and give it a good shot.
You don't know whether, right now, you would get the icks with anyone.
Choose the cousellor well, a sex therapist might help ignite the lust. Five years is a big investment.
If not, consider leaving.

OP you and DP are friends, nothing more. There's nothing wrong with either of you, you just don't fancy him!

What planet are you on? A relationship without sex is a friendship. Most people in romantic relationships want to have sex with their partner. OP's DP wants to have sex with her. She wants to have sex too, just not with him. I had a friend who married her best friend then spent loads on counselling, sex therapy etc to find out what was wrong with her. There was nothing wrong with her except her judgement, she had no sexual chemistry with her DH and should never had married him. She had got caught up in finding this "perfect" man and their "perfect" life together and was willing him to be The One, but no amount of wishing made it so.

It's not because you don't want to have sex with him though is it? It's because you deceived him into thinking you were all in when you knew from the beginning that the relationship didn't have everything it needed to work. You can insult me if it makes you feel better but at some point you are going to have to take a look at yourself and accept responsibility for the mess that is your life and the mess you have knowingly dragged your partner into.

Gosh, I feel really sorry for your partner. The level of disgust you feel for him is off the scale abnormal in a loving relationship. But I can't understand why you continued seeing him after the first few dates if the sex has always been awful.

A woman I used to know told me she felt this way with her partner. He turned out to be a pedophile. I don't think she ever recovered.

I would look for a sex therapist in your situation