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Original poster

Am I being silly; friend keeps telling me what the children are doing…

60 replies

Spareincoming · 27/03/2023 18:20

Basically my friend lives opposite my DC’s school/nursery and she can see the children playing - their classroom and outdoor space is clearly visible from her home office space. She is forever telling me she can see the DC and what they’re up to, plus the children they’re playing with. “DC likes to play with bigger children/walk around with the teachers don’t they” type comments have been passed.
Her children have left the school but she is still a governor and is really invested int he fundraising side of things. It’s a very small school in a rural area, everyone knows everyone in our village so is not be surprised if she’s telling other parents the same as me.
I’ve told her I don’t want to know; they are not in my care; I will hear about anything major so I don’t need to know what’s going on.
My DH thinks I’m being silly by being annoyed but it’s rather irritating to hear from her almost every day.

OP posts:
slowquickstep · 27/03/2023 21:23

lovechickencrisps · 27/03/2023 18:32

I'd be more concerned about the fact that she can see them so clearly and who else is able to watch them like that.

Do you think schools should have 10ft high walls around them ?

Soproudoflionesses · 27/03/2023 22:00

Rainbowshine · 27/03/2023 18:48

Could you raise it with school or even the Local Authority as a possible conflict of interest/safeguarding concern? She’s not got appropriate boundaries of professional responsibility to be a governor, when you might hear about all sorts of things. Given she’s clearly observing the children and messaging about them but with reference to other children not just yours, that’s not right. It’s not her role to be reporting on them like this

I agree with this - it is totally inappropriate as a Governor for her to be doing this

lovechickencrisps · 27/03/2023 22:20

@slowquickstep @neitherofthem

Sorry!
My kids go to my old school and the outside space is not overlooked by anything. The playground is at the back and has a private field surrounding it.
The other school near to us is on a main road and has a high fence.
I thought it might be due to safeguarding but obviously not!

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Morningcoffeeview · 27/03/2023 22:31

Treeabovethefire · 27/03/2023 18:39

I’d actually love this. I can see why it irritates you though.

Yeah me too. If would be really reassuring to me!

AwayThenBack · 27/03/2023 22:54

She is being weird and intrusive. Your DC are basically being spied on! I send my DC to school and trust the teachers there. I don’t want reports for the local busybody about what they are doing and which waterproof clothing they are wearing. I’d report to the school. I doubt the teachers would be that happy with their every move being monitored by the governor too - words need to be had.

coffeemoon · 28/03/2023 06:39

Lizzt2007 · 27/03/2023 20:53

But she's not doing it in her role as governor, she's ops friend! Sorry op I can't understand what you're upset about. She's your friend and she's showing an interest in your kids and their lives. Surely that's what people want friends to do? She's showing that she cares about them as an extension of your friendship. It's a stretch to think she's messaging other parents, it would surely depend if she's friends with said parent as well. Honestly I think your massively overreacting.

Show quote history

Completely irrelevant that she is OP's friend. She is still a school governor. Just like a teacher is still a teacher when they are outside school and still has all that knowledge and understanding of safeguarding children.

It's entirely inappropriate to be in that capacity and showing such a blatant disregard for safeguarding and privacy of children - I'd be questioning her competence.

As someone who works in a profession around children/ young people, this is just not professional or appropriate.

coffeemoon · 28/03/2023 06:40

slowquickstep · 27/03/2023 21:23

Do you think schools should have 10ft high walls around them ?

Show quote history

Most schools have some degree of privacy so that children playing aren't easily observable from a public perspective.

Blip · 28/03/2023 07:09

Ask her why she is sending you this kind of update

WhenDovesFly · 28/03/2023 07:33

I too would find this weird and intrusive. I think I'd send a text (so you have it in writing) something along the lines of:

Friend, I know you mean well when you send these observations, but I find it very intrusive. Even though they're children, my kids are entitled to their privacy, so I'm asking that you don't continually observe them and report to me. If they found out they were being watched all the time it could have a detrimental affect on them. I'm happy for the children to tell me about my day themselves when they get home, thanks.

For good measure you could add "#safeguarding" At the end 😁

Wedoronron · 28/03/2023 07:37

coffeemoon · 28/03/2023 06:40

Most schools have some degree of privacy so that children playing aren't easily observable from a public perspective.

Show quote history

Most don't around here. I am.within walking distance of 4 primary schools and 3 of them you can see the children playing easily in the playground

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