Am I being silly; friend keeps telling me what the children are doing…

[Spareincoming]

Basically my friend lives opposite my DC’s school/nursery and she can see the children playing - their classroom and outdoor space is clearly visible from her home office space. She is forever telling me she can see the DC and what they’re up to, plus the children they’re playing with. “DC likes to play with bigger children/walk around with the teachers don’t they” type comments have been passed.
Her children have left the school but she is still a governor and is really invested int he fundraising side of things. It’s a very small school in a rural area, everyone knows everyone in our village so is not be surprised if she’s telling other parents the same as me.
I’ve told her I don’t want to know; they are not in my care; I will hear about anything major so I don’t need to know what’s going on.
My DH thinks I’m being silly by being annoyed but it’s rather irritating to hear from her almost every day.

I would reply “ you appear to have a rather unhealthy interest in my child “

It's because it's really inappropriate.

The role of school governor does not entail observing children playing from your home, and especially not messaging parents about said children.

Her lack of awareness of safeguarding and data protection is especially concerning given her role.

I would raise it with the school as well, OP. They might want to consider the privacy of the children, putting up some more fencing or something, and also talking to her about appropriate boundaries.

I would not be happy about this, I would not want someone watching my kids and reporting back to me. It feels very invasive of the kids' privacy and dignity at school. I think her watching them is hugely inappropriate and I'd probably want to address it with the school.

What positives does she bring to your life as a friend? Is she someone you actually want or need to spend time with aside from this? If you’re struggling to answer, the time has come to mute her and not bother checking the messages.

@WomanStanleyWoman2 Thats where I’m at, having had this thread show me I’m not being silly.

If you're the only parent she's messaging daily - weird.

But if she's also messaging other parents daily - weird.

If this was a man the consensus would be that he would be perving on the kids.

An ex friend who did the “children’s work” AKA Sunday school during the church service used to give me in depth psychological evaluations of what my child had said and done during the 30 max she had them. That was also unwelcome and reminds me of what your friend says very strongly. I always felt there was an implied criticism and she was oh-so-wise and all seeing. It pissed me off. She spied on him when he was a teenager out with his mates ( not doing anything wrong just going to the cinema) too. We’re not friends anymore. This was just the tip of the iceberg of weird and crap behaviour. My ex friend would involve herself in stuff too, like becoming a governor.

Obvious safeguarding issue, from several perspectives. As a PP said, who else is watching? Where are her boundaries? This is very very weird. What the hell is she doing?!

This I say this as a governor

Maybe I'm being really naive, but I didn't know children could be in a setting where people can overlook and see them during the day. I find this really unnerving. I know she's a friend thankfully but it's very odd behaviour and I think although her intentions are nice I would probably get my back up as noone should be watching my child other than the adults in the facility.

Has she got a really sad life.

Teach your child to moon in the direction of her window?

I agree, I would actually ask the school if they could ask her to stop.

It is fucking weird and inappropriate.

Have you never seen houses near schools? Many have back gardens onto the school boundary.

Ive had this aswell...the lady who ran the playgroup used to be able to see my boys playing outside on their break...she delighted in telling me of any mischief etc....I used to walk off breezily saying 'oh well im sure if its serious the teacher will tell me'.

@mrsbitaly

Maybe I'm being really naive, but I didn't know children could be in a setting where people can overlook and see them during the day.

They tried building neighbourhood schools miles from where anyone lived - like, in deserts or on islands offshore - but no one seemed to think that was a good idea, and none of the kids got there on time in the morning. So then they tried building them where the houses were, so that people could see them and get to them, and that seems to be a better solution so they're sticking with it for the time being.

I’m sure it’s nothing sinister, just boredom and thinking she’s being nice…but yes, this would annoy me as well. It’s very nosy and small. Tbh I’d be thinking, I’m not that interested and I’m their devoted mother, why the fuck are you? Stop watching my kids. They’re at nursery, I’m at work…where the hell did you come into the equation?

I hate pointless texts though.

Ask her again to stop.

Did that make you feel better?

I mean if she’s genuinely texting to let you know your child is in school waterproofs and not their own, she does need to push off doesn’t she?

Try this…
Put your actress hat on and ask her in convincing, apologetic confusion if you had asked for or implied that you would like updates. Quickly assure her that isn’t the case and to not worry about sending any more…it’s trouble for her and disrupts your day too. Really kind of her, sorry for the misunderstanding. No more updates. Thank you.

….don’t know, miss. Sorry, miss…

Who else? Basically everyone whose home has windows that overlook a school playground I guess.

But she's not doing it in her role as governor, she's ops friend! Sorry op I can't understand what you're upset about. She's your friend and she's showing an interest in your kids and their lives. Surely that's what people want friends to do? She's showing that she cares about them as an extension of your friendship. It's a stretch to think she's messaging other parents, it would surely depend if she's friends with said parent as well. Honestly I think your massively overreacting.

It would drive me mad. Mainly because, knowing my kids, I'd end up with a running commentary of what they'd been doing that they shouldn't have been. Ignorance is bliss and, like you say, if there were any issues, the school would be in touch.
If she'd told you one of your children was upset or standing alone, you'd probably spend the rest of the day worrying, when the chance are, your child was fine in a short time.