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Original poster

Son constantly nagging for play date.

37 replies

elliecatt · 27/03/2023 16:25

Everyday when I pick my 6 year old up from school, he starts nagging me for play dates in front of other parents.

He's inviting himself to their house, inviting them to our house ( on the day ) I kindly say no, we'll arrange something for another day but he keeps going and doesn't take the hint.

I've spoken to him and told him not to do this, it puts me on the spot and makes me feel not in control but it keeps happening.

How can I handle this. Sounds trivial but it's really becoming an issue.

OP posts:
CuteCillian · 27/03/2023 16:28

we'll arrange something for another day but he keeps going and doesn't take the hint

Do you actually have play dates planned? If there is always a future date in the diary I would just comment "Remember xxx is coming to play next Thursday"and move on.

Smartiepants79 · 27/03/2023 16:30

Do you arrange them for another time??
If not I’d start with that.
Other than that just keep being firm and saying no.

Lcb123 · 27/03/2023 16:30

But do you actually organise them? If it’s organised then you can say ‘xx is coming round on Friday’. It’s nice he’s social

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6 year olds Families
Original poster
elliecatt · 27/03/2023 16:34

Today for instance, he was asking in front of another parent. I said not today, but we can arrange something for the holidays ( two weeks time ) but he just ignored me and tried to go of with X friend towards their house. Had to show him back, told him off then tears and had a strop!

OP posts:
Willowtre1 · 27/03/2023 16:34

I would find a day mid week that works for you to host, arrange one every other week then there is always something to refer to in the near future. Each time he asks other parents if he can go there, interject with we don't invite ourselves, it's polite to wait for invitations. He will eventually get the message. Maybe it feels like he doesn't get any playdates? Only you know if that's true!

Willowtre1 · 27/03/2023 16:37

Also I wouldn't tell him off. He clearly doesn't understand the dynamics of the social interaction and etiquette. Telling him off won't help at all. I would get down to his level and calmly explain that so and so can't have a friend over tonight and neither can he, so there won't be a play date today. Then- x is coming over on x date. Have a calendar at home and mark on the play dates, look at it together and remind him in the morning that that particular day isn't a play date day. Just talk and talk about it at lots of times, not just at the moment after school

Ilkleymoor · 27/03/2023 16:37

Does he have a calendar in his room so he can clearly see when they are happening? Maybe you both feel you have no control.

Also playdates are talked about so much at nursery, on TV, in books, it might be really built up as a thing in his head. Plus they are fun.

Original poster
elliecatt · 27/03/2023 16:44

He has a regular friend over from school in the school holidays/inset days. And he goes over there regularly too.

I don't want it in the week after school if I'm honest. He has parties every weekend at the moment, sometime even two on a weekend.

He does football, swimming, Tennis and an after school club on one day through out the week.

I just feel I give enough. He's also has a younger sibling.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 27/03/2023 16:55

If you’re not prepared to have them at all in the week then you need to be very clear about this and stop vaguely promising things you’re not going to deliver. It is confusing for him and encouraging him to keep on asking.
Be firm and clear. Explain why and then stick to the script.

Original poster
elliecatt · 27/03/2023 16:59

Smartiepants79 · 27/03/2023 16:55

If you’re not prepared to have them at all in the week then you need to be very clear about this and stop vaguely promising things you’re not going to deliver. It is confusing for him and encouraging him to keep on asking.
Be firm and clear. Explain why and then stick to the script.

I've never vaguely promised anything in the week. I only promised things in the holidays or on inset days like I've explained in my previous posts regarding arranging something for the holidays in two weeks time.

OP posts:
Ilkleymoor · 27/03/2023 17:05

Does he want to do those action the week or would he like to do more playdates.

Or if this is not an option, explain to him clearly that playdates are for school holidays and stick to that.

lailamaria · 27/03/2023 17:07

i don't get why you can't arrange something after school once a week to let him have one of his mates over for tea

Original poster
elliecatt · 27/03/2023 17:10

lailamaria · 27/03/2023 17:07

i don't get why you can't arrange something after school once a week to let him have one of his mates over for tea

He has a few of his actives after school. Some days I have to go and pick DH up from work with two kids. It's too much in the week. He also has a relatively early bedtime.

OP posts:
Barannca · 27/03/2023 17:11

He probably sees other children going to friends houses for tea. It is part and parcel of being at school to be honest. Most parents I know if they are not working allow play dates after school occasionally.
If you can't you need to tell him he can't have any playdates in a school day.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 27/03/2023 17:16

Nothing to be done, it's just kids! Both of mine have been like it, despite them telling me not to put me on the spot.
They're never content, we could have been for a full day out with friends and they'll still ask if they can come back to ours for dinner
Or we'll do a sleepover, have a friend here for 24 hours and they'll still be asking if we can do it tomorrow!

Thinkbiglittleone · 27/03/2023 17:18

If he's only 6, two weeks away will feel like a lifetime.

If I were in your shoes, I would arrange a play date for the holidays, mark it on the calendar and he can tick his way off down to it.
Alternatively when its so long away that you are willing to arrange a play date, just say no. So he doesn't here yes then keep having to constantly check, do you mean now ?

Does he want to do all his after school clubs or would he prefer to give one up and swap it for a play date with a mate ?

I think he is being clear in what he wants, it's not his sibling, it's a friend, it's not odd to have play dates after school.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/03/2023 17:21

Tell him that children don't get to decide if they have a play date on school days, you are too busy and he has them when they suit everyone and not just him.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 27/03/2023 17:28

I hated when my DCs used to put me on the spot like this it is so awkward and embarrassing. I think it was worse because lots of other kids had things arranged after school and so they just want to do the same. We agreed on every other Friday on the promise that they did not nag constantly after school and in front of parents. It seemed to work and it gave me time to plan ahead plus Friday was less stressful when no school the following day.

Original poster
elliecatt · 27/03/2023 17:36

Thinkbiglittleone · 27/03/2023 17:18

If he's only 6, two weeks away will feel like a lifetime.

If I were in your shoes, I would arrange a play date for the holidays, mark it on the calendar and he can tick his way off down to it.
Alternatively when its so long away that you are willing to arrange a play date, just say no. So he doesn't here yes then keep having to constantly check, do you mean now ?

Does he want to do all his after school clubs or would he prefer to give one up and swap it for a play date with a mate ?

I think he is being clear in what he wants, it's not his sibling, it's a friend, it's not odd to have play dates after school.

Yes he loves all his activities and would miss them if he didn't do them. He's a very active child.

OP posts:
Original poster
elliecatt · 27/03/2023 17:39

Cuppaand2biscuits · 27/03/2023 17:16

Nothing to be done, it's just kids! Both of mine have been like it, despite them telling me not to put me on the spot.
They're never content, we could have been for a full day out with friends and they'll still ask if they can come back to ours for dinner
Or we'll do a sleepover, have a friend here for 24 hours and they'll still be asking if we can do it tomorrow!

This is it! This is how I feel. He does A LOT but I never feel it's enough for him. I feel we give so much. Our weekends are pretty much organised around his parties and football. I guess I'm just feeling a bit flat today 😕

OP posts:
Goldbar · 27/03/2023 17:54

There are two things I say breezily in these situations. The first is "adults arrange the playdates not children, I'm afraid". The second is "we don't invite ourselves to other people's houses, we wait to be invited".

But we do have around 1-2 playdates at our house a term (more at the park/playground and a couple at other people's houses) so I don't feel my DC is hard done by at all.

Goldbar · 27/03/2023 17:59

elliecatt · 27/03/2023 17:39

This is it! This is how I feel. He does A LOT but I never feel it's enough for him. I feel we give so much. Our weekends are pretty much organised around his parties and football. I guess I'm just feeling a bit flat today 😕

Show quote history

It is never enough 😂. We can do swimming, soft play and a park trip all in one day and my 5yo will still come up to me and say "I'm bored" afterwards.

I think it actually gets worse if they don't have enough downtime at home. When we've had a couple of days at home doing not very much, it gives my DC a chance to rediscover their toys and games and get into doing some crafty things in a way that they don't have a chance to do if we're always rushing around everywhere. We try to have at least one weekend day with just the playground in the morning and nothing else, although it's tough with all the party invites and other commitments.

Oblomov23 · 27/03/2023 18:09

Yes you need to talk to him. And tell him not to do this.
But why on earth haven't you arranged them already? Or, tell him once and for all none during the week. (That does sound mean). Or cancel all those activities, if this is more important to him. Sit him down and talk to him about all this tonight.

Original poster
elliecatt · 27/03/2023 18:14

Oblomov23 · 27/03/2023 18:09

Yes you need to talk to him. And tell him not to do this.
But why on earth haven't you arranged them already? Or, tell him once and for all none during the week. (That does sound mean). Or cancel all those activities, if this is more important to him. Sit him down and talk to him about all this tonight.

If you read all my previous posts, he does have arranged play dates.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 27/03/2023 19:32

You said in the holidays. Not term time. You said you didn't want to term time. So you don't do it for the 6 weeks of the term.