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Original poster

Son constantly nagging for play date.

37 replies

elliecatt · 27/03/2023 16:25

Everyday when I pick my 6 year old up from school, he starts nagging me for play dates in front of other parents.

He's inviting himself to their house, inviting them to our house ( on the day ) I kindly say no, we'll arrange something for another day but he keeps going and doesn't take the hint.

I've spoken to him and told him not to do this, it puts me on the spot and makes me feel not in control but it keeps happening.

How can I handle this. Sounds trivial but it's really becoming an issue.

OP posts:
lailamaria · 27/03/2023 21:54

kids want to go to their mates after school it's just a part of life

Disneygirl37 · 28/03/2023 09:19

Football, swimming, tennis and an after school club is loads! give yourself and him a break and cancel at least 2 activities and say he's allowed a friend over once a week. I'm not surprised you feel fed up running him around to all those activities.
I know you said he will miss them but I expect he would much rather have a friend over once a week to just play.
In the week swimming and a play date, weekend football is plenty.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 28/03/2023 10:59

Whether or not he’s doing too much etc is down to you, your family, your commitments, sibling needs etc. Regardless he needs a very firm talking to about how he behaves when he whinges at you after school. I have a five year old. It’s old enough to understand “no”, and to have the previous identical conversation pointed out to them. “No we can’t, I’m sorry. We’ll plan something for the holidays. Bye [friend], see you tomorrow.”

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Original poster
elliecatt · 28/03/2023 11:05

TheWayTheLightFalls · 28/03/2023 10:59

Whether or not he’s doing too much etc is down to you, your family, your commitments, sibling needs etc. Regardless he needs a very firm talking to about how he behaves when he whinges at you after school. I have a five year old. It’s old enough to understand “no”, and to have the previous identical conversation pointed out to them. “No we can’t, I’m sorry. We’ll plan something for the holidays. Bye [friend], see you tomorrow.”

This is very much my take on it. My Mother only had to look at me in a certain way and that was my cue to stop whatever I was doing and that was the end of it.

It doesn't work for me or with him.

OP posts:
minipie · 28/03/2023 11:13

I think give him the choice for next term. “We can do a playdate a week but you will need to drop one or two of your other activities. Would you prefer that?”

And then whatever choice is made, he sticks to it and no complaining/mithering.

I bloody hate hosting playdates, especially before y3 or so, but my kids love them and they are quite important for friendships. So I’d say give him the choice but if he chooses playdates, suck it up. (Unless you genuinely can’t due to work etc but doesn’t sound like that’s the case).

WandaWonder · 28/03/2023 11:16

Maybe drop some of all the activities he is doing to free up some time to have playdates?

Growlybear83 · 28/03/2023 11:20

I think it's a shame if he doesn't have the opportunity to have a friend to tea after school or go to a friend's house. When my daughter was little, it was very unusual for there to be a week when she either didn't bring a friend home or go to a friend's house. One friend in particular was always picked up much later than other children, and on those evening my daughter just went to bed a bit later. I think my daughter would have felt very left out if all of her friends had had other children home for tea and she didn't.

Voodoo43 · 15/06/2023 13:00

My dd is the same. Aged 8. V social & an only child. I would cancel some activities & arrange one playdate a week and maybe one at the weekend. But also be firm about making him have some alone time, in which he is also not doing an activity. It is good to be bored and to learn how to amuse yourself. It is difficult though with v energetic, sociable only children, and I feel your pain.

pjani · 15/06/2023 13:06

I think it can be filed under 'kids do the darndest things' and try not to get too hooked into engaging with it.

Is there anything from your own childhood which could link to why this bothers you so much? (I find this line of questioning quite helpful for me, it's from the book The Book You Wish Your Parents Read).

To me it just sounds in the vein of nose-picking/talking loudly about the person's big nose when they are right there/pinching their sibling. Annoying, but you try and calmly instruct them on the right way to behave, write it off as part of childhood and know they won't always do this.

Fraaahnces · 15/06/2023 13:07

It’s okay to say “Not on school days.” and start with some gentle consequences if he keeps going.
”Can I have a play date?”
”Not on school days.”
”Can I have a play date?”
”Today is a school day and I said no. If you ask me again there will be consequences.”
”Can I have a play date?”
”What did I say last time you asked me?”
”Not on a school day?”
“And?”
”If I ask again there will be consequences.”
”So you were listening. Great! You can choose between losing iPad privelages this afternoon or no dessert.”

Eastie77Returns · 15/06/2023 13:12

Oblomov23 · 27/03/2023 19:32

You said in the holidays. Not term time. You said you didn't want to term time. So you don't do it for the 6 weeks of the term.

Why should OP have to do any in term time? Her DS has plenty to keep him busy during school weeks. I’d never arrange or take my DC to a play date during the school week - who really has time for that! Weekends they are busy swimming, gymnastics, football, birthday parties etc. Holiday time play dates are fine.

I don’t know we put so much pressure on parents to schedule their children’s free time to the nth degree.

LSSG · 15/06/2023 17:59

pjani · 15/06/2023 13:06

I think it can be filed under 'kids do the darndest things' and try not to get too hooked into engaging with it.

Is there anything from your own childhood which could link to why this bothers you so much? (I find this line of questioning quite helpful for me, it's from the book The Book You Wish Your Parents Read).

To me it just sounds in the vein of nose-picking/talking loudly about the person's big nose when they are right there/pinching their sibling. Annoying, but you try and calmly instruct them on the right way to behave, write it off as part of childhood and know they won't always do this.

I agree with this, it's perfectly usual kid behaviour, probably amplified by the fact that he's aware he doesn't do them.

I sympathise, I'm not majorly keen on after school play dates, but they feel left out if they don't do them so I suck it up at least once a half term; doesn't have to be loads, we just cycle between her favourite friends rather than every Tom, Dick & Harry.

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