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Original poster

Did you have second thoughts before your wedding?

51 replies

mrssanchez · 26/03/2023 23:43

I did. I burst into tears right before and thought "I don't want to do this" but then I told myself it was just cold feet and everyone was waiting and I went just though with it...

I really wish I'd listened to myself.

OP posts:
BlueBananaLlama · 26/03/2023 23:46

When I turned up at the church and smelled alcohol on his breath. I should have walked away at that point; it would have saved me some wasted years.

Original poster
mrssanchez · 26/03/2023 23:51

@BlueBananaLlama Flowers
It's so hard to walk away when you've spent all that money and everyone has expectations.

OP posts:
Hertz101 · 26/03/2023 23:51

I didn’t but I’ve had this feeling with other stuff like moving or new job
its called gut feeling for a reason and I’ve learnt to trust it more than logical brain

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Weddings
Original poster
mrssanchez · 26/03/2023 23:53

Part of me wonders if I'd have felt like that marrying anyone though? It's a big thing to do, giving up your freedom and trying yourself to another person.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrssanchez · 26/03/2023 23:53

*tying

OP posts:
blueshoes · 27/03/2023 00:03

No.

If I had any second thoughts at all at any point leading up to the wedding, I would not have gone through with it. Your life partner is one of the most important decisions you will make. It affects your future dc. My head and heart must align. Otherwise it is better to be single.

alwaysmovingforwards · 27/03/2023 00:06

Yup.
15 years later got divorced.

bloodywhitecat · 27/03/2023 00:06

First wedding yes, I did. I felt pretty much like you did. Second wedding, not a single doubt.

Saz12 · 27/03/2023 00:07

Not me, but sister did right before walking up the aisle.
Shes still happily married 30 years later.

Original poster
mrssanchez · 27/03/2023 00:48

@Saz12 , interesting, that's what I mean, maybe it's not some kind of premonition, just natural nerves..?

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 27/03/2023 01:43

Yes I did, but I'd read somewhere that all brides feel that way - nerves- I didn't entirely believe it and my last thought was, well we can always divorce, and we did 10 years and 2 children later. He never changed and we shouldn't have got married. I bitterly regret not stopping it before 'the day'.

Tarantellah · 27/03/2023 01:48

I knew on my wedding day that the marriage wouldn’t last, nor did I want it to. What I wanted was a stable home and a baby before I turned 40 and was too old. It was very much a marriage of convenience. I accepted that it wasn’t ideal but it was the best option available to me at that time. I figured I could always divorce him later if I wanted to.

Barleysugar86 · 27/03/2023 01:53

I can honestly say I didn't. The relationship just felt right, comforting, and secure and safe... the marriage felt like the most logical thing in the world. It's only been seven years now so I appreciate not a lifetime and we do fight of course, but it still has that comforting safe right feeling for me.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 27/03/2023 01:57

Definitely not! I turned up early and I couldn't wait to get married. 9 years on never regretted.

What stuck out for me OP is you saying about tying yourself to someone and loosing your freedom.
That isn't what marriage is. I have never felt like I have lost my freedom or that I am tied to my husband. We are a partnership.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 27/03/2023 02:21

No and never regretted it. Seemed like the most logical, natural thing in the world.

When I stepped out of the church into the sunshine I remember feeling I was so happy I could burst.

Pollywoddles · 27/03/2023 02:26

No second thoughts beforehand, or afterwards for that matter. I’m beaming in every photograph on that day.

Thepossibility · 27/03/2023 02:29

I had second thoughts about the wedding but not marrying him.
It is other family that stress me out, never him.

SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows · 27/03/2023 02:33

No second thoughts before the wedding, even though it was only just over a year after we met.

HelloBunny · 27/03/2023 02:33

My wedding day was fine.
But my honeymoon was a disaster, really. I do feel that loss of freedom that another poster mentioned. I think I’m better single & always managed to avoid relationships before I got married. I was very happy!

Summer2424 · 27/03/2023 02:38

With my first marriage i had so much doubt, we eventually divorced.
With my second marriage i really wanted to marry him, i was so in love with him. We're still married and have a DD but oh god we have been through some bad times.

IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 27/03/2023 02:58

Yeah I did. Pulled out six weeks before. Was a bit of a shitshow and my mum was really upset. I did question whether or not it was just that getting married is so big, but knew really I was right- just let myself have doubts because of how everyone else reacted. When I eventually met my now husband I worried it would be the same but it wasn't, never had a moments doubt.

merrymelodies · 27/03/2023 03:04

My second thoughts didn't show up until two days into the honeymoon. 😢

Lycanthropology · 27/03/2023 03:12

Strange people saying they're losing their freedom; sounds like marrying a stranger with a week's notice or something.. weren't you in a long term committed relationship leading up to your marriage?
When I got married we'd been living together 8 years and we're expecting our 3rd child, so life didn't materially change. I wasn't at all nervous, just dreading having too many photos taken!

TheLastofmySanity · 27/03/2023 03:12

I was upset about some of the wedding logistics, but no qualms about the person. Still happily married 10 years later.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 27/03/2023 03:52

Yes and I wish I hadn't gone to through with it. We didn't have a big wedding and no one had contributed, yet I still felt obliged to go through with it.

I wasn't sure if it was him or if I'd have felt the same with anyone, so I carried on. We lasted about 13yrs and I knew I didn't want kids with him.

I suppose without all this happening I wouldn't have met my current DP and had my kids, but my life would have been less stressful if I hadn't married someone I never wanted to marry.