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Original poster

Did you have second thoughts before your wedding?

51 replies

mrssanchez · 26/03/2023 23:43

I did. I burst into tears right before and thought "I don't want to do this" but then I told myself it was just cold feet and everyone was waiting and I went just though with it...

I really wish I'd listened to myself.

OP posts:
TheWestIsTheBest · 27/03/2023 05:23

No, I was delighted to be marrying him. Still happily married 26 years later.

Phoebo · 27/03/2023 05:37

Hertz101 · 26/03/2023 23:51

I didn’t but I’ve had this feeling with other stuff like moving or new job
its called gut feeling for a reason and I’ve learnt to trust it more than logical brain

Me too. I've had this with taking a job, I cried the night before. Should never have done it!

GarlicGrace · 27/03/2023 05:47

mrssanchez · 26/03/2023 23:43

I did. I burst into tears right before and thought "I don't want to do this" but then I told myself it was just cold feet and everyone was waiting and I went just though with it...

I really wish I'd listened to myself.

Yeah, me too. My - usually very unhelpful - dad told me at the church door that I didn't have to go in if I wasn't sure, he'd drive me home.

For once in my life, I should've listened to him and myself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
garlictwist · 27/03/2023 05:59

Lycanthropology · 27/03/2023 03:12

Strange people saying they're losing their freedom; sounds like marrying a stranger with a week's notice or something.. weren't you in a long term committed relationship leading up to your marriage?
When I got married we'd been living together 8 years and we're expecting our 3rd child, so life didn't materially change. I wasn't at all nervous, just dreading having too many photos taken!

I agree. I've been with DP for eleven years. If we got married tomorrow I don't think it would change anything from a day to day point of view.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 27/03/2023 06:15

Phoebo · 27/03/2023 05:37

Me too. I've had this with taking a job, I cried the night before. Should never have done it!

Show quote history

Me three.
Moving across the country with my then husband & his job did not feel right at all but it was a case of go with him or split up.
I should have stayed where I was as we ended up getting divorced anyway.

MuchTooTired · 27/03/2023 06:22

My first wedding I had massive doubts and tried to call it off but the conversation got interrupted and I then I convinced myself it was just ‘cold feet and nervousness’ so went through with it because of the huge amounts of money spent. My second marriage was tiny, perfect and I didn’t have a single doubt at all.

pompomdaisy · 27/03/2023 07:27

I did but we are still together 23 years later and happily married.

pinkfondu · 27/03/2023 07:28

I was dreading the car ride with my dad cause I knew if he said you don't have to do this I would crack, but he didn't....

Woodywasatwat · 27/03/2023 07:46

God, yes.

I wanted to postpone and wait a bit but he was terrified of what his parents would think.

Snoken · 27/03/2023 08:06

I did have second thoughts and I didn't particularly enjoy my wedding either. I was pregnant though very early so nobody except my bridesmaids knew and I figured I was just hormonal or something. We did stay married 19 years (together for 22), but there were many, many times in those 19 years I wished I hadn't done it. Finally had enough last year and left.

VintageThoughts · 27/03/2023 12:20

No. Not one

Wish I had though. Less than 4 years later he had an affair and left me 8 months pregnant with DC2.

I truly believed I was marrying my best friend. I was so happy and sure.

Pipthesqueak · 27/03/2023 12:34

Yes, with first marriage. Later divorced. Not even a single glimmer of doubt with second marriage, still very happily together with children.

loononastick · 27/03/2023 12:37

No, I wanted to run up the aisle I was that excited! It was the right decision.

I was previously engaged to someone else and hesitated on marrying him. That was the right decision too.

Always trust your gut.

FlippyFloppyShoe · 27/03/2023 12:38

No. Absolutely loved him 😭

icebearforpresident · 27/03/2023 12:53

No but my mum gave me an out the night before. We were staying at the hotel where we were having the wedding and she asked if I was 100% sure, if not we could leave right there and it would all be fine. She did that because she got married young, age 18, and knew within weeks of getting engaged she had made a mistake saying yes but by then she was in it. Even though I had no doubts I love that she did that for me and will do it with my own kids when the time comes.

Netcam · 27/03/2023 12:54

bloodywhitecat · 27/03/2023 00:06

First wedding yes, I did. I felt pretty much like you did. Second wedding, not a single doubt.

Same here

leggingsandasweatshirt · 27/03/2023 12:56

I didn't have second thoughts but I did have a panic attack literally as I was about to step onto the aisle. My husbands best man was waiting for me and I think the enormity of the situation hit me - I can remember thinking omg he is here because you are getting married right now like an actual grown up person 😂

Pseudonamed · 27/03/2023 12:57

Absolutely KNEW on my wedding day it was a mistake and still went through with it. Wish to christ I hadn't. Horrible man.

Nopinnogin · 27/03/2023 13:04

I did but was “in lurve”. Time has made me realise that I had never got over serious trauma as a teen that nearly killed me and that I was making bad decisions. Facing that trauma has freed me from that prison. I felt scared all the time anyway. I didn’t know what it felt like not to be scared and alone. Of course the decisions you make in that situation are going to be affected.

Now I focus on being mentally strong as my main goal. Having lived a blameless life for many years, being nice, breaking no laws, working hard- yet again I find myself faced with the same rubbish that I faced in my marriage. Last time, I crumbled. This time, he will crumble while I stand tall. The tables have turned.

tirednewmumm · 27/03/2023 13:08

No not about DH (yes about the money and daft things like the colour of the buttonholes lol)

I've never felt like marrying my Dh meant giving up anything and certainly not my freedom. He supports me in my career and goals. So it's not necessarily true you would have felt like that marrying anyone

Does age maybe make a difference? How old were you when you married?

I was 30+ had travelled, tried different careers and dated different men so felt like I really knew what I wanted/didn't want

PedroPascal · 27/03/2023 13:10

Yes I did, and was very nervous. So glad I pushed through as 15 years later we are still really happy and have built an amazing life together as a team. I couldn't have ended up with someone lovelier.

I think I'm a natural doubter to be honest, I have moments of doubt and second thoughts about every 'big' decision from paint colours to job changes to new cars. I usually just try to put a logical head on and make a decision based on that, and it usually works out well.

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 27/03/2023 13:24

Not a doubt and still happily married almost thirty years later. However, I do think I should have had some and questioned my decision. It was naive to head into a (supposed) life-long commitment so blindly. We barely knew each other as a couple, (engaged after three months and married six months later.) I was only twenty three and carried away with the romance of it all. I didn't know what a red flag was but I see it so often now in relationships that lead to marriage and children, only to seriously hurt them in life further down the line. I was fortunate it worked out for us.

JamSandle · 27/03/2023 13:27

Yes. But I had never wanted to get married.

OrlandointheWilderness · 27/03/2023 13:29

Yes. I kicked everyone out, watched moulin rouge and drank a bottle of wine.

Really shouldn't have married him.

Buttalapasta · 27/03/2023 13:51

Yes, but I think that I feel the same way about ALL big decisions. We have been married 20 years now and I dont want to split up! (Related: everyone told me that I would know when I tried on "the" wedding dress. If I had waited to fall in love with a dress, I would have ended up married in jeans).*

*Not that there is anything wrong with that!