Anyone else not good at anything?

[readysetcake]

Sounds a bit melodramatic I know. But I’m honestly not good at anything. I’m shit at sport and not creative.
Took my daughter to a skate board thing yesterday. She was getting frustrated but I couldn’t help her as I don’t skateboard. Super sporty friend I’m with can, so had to rely on her to help. Also can’t mountain bike or roller blade the other current family hobbies. A extended family member has just run a half marathon and another completed a crazy biking challenge recently. I can’t even jog 5km without my Achilles flaring. I can’t play an instrument or sing or draw. I could go on and on. I’m literally devoid of any talent. Feel very inadequate and like a waste of atmosphere at the moment.

I'm not sporty, arty, creative or musical either. There must be something you are good at.

Are you a good mum ? A good homemaker ?

of course you are good and value isn’t about rollerblading or anything like that- you are more than enough ( I don’t really have many talents but I try and garden and cook and work & keep the house in shape as that’s my main hobby 🤣

I think most people are not sporty, arty or musical.

Everyone is capable of being creative, and everyone can create art.

Maybe it would be good to try to learn a new skill?

I’m crap at everything but friendly.

it’s all I’ve got going for me.

im officially underwhelming 😬

Yes. I am not sporty, arty, creative, not a good homemaker or mum, don’t really have any friends so probably not friendly either. I really am not good at anything.

I'm not good at anything either but I'm kind and considerate. I think that's more useful to the world than if I could skateboard so I'm happy with that.

Another here who’s no good at anything. I can’t even swim or drive.

Not at all sporty, can’t dance, definitely can’t sing, no sense of style or what looks good. I’m crap at conversation and have very few friends.

I think my only talent is making good sandwiches. Oh, and mashed potatoes. Whoop-di-do.

Maybe you’re good at listening or organising things or persuading people etc - skills aren’t always so tangible or physical things like hobbies/crafts!

Don’t they say it’s the things you find easy and don’t notice yourself managing that are your skills? They won’t always be obvious things to you because you find them such a doddle. I’m sure you’re good at something :)

I'm lousy at sport (last to be picked at school, can't run to save my life)... but took up Taekwando at 45, and got my black belt at 48 (dislocated my thumb and gave up 6 months later, but DID it)

I'm even worse at music.. so learned the guitar for a few years and am now at 55, learning the piano. I suck. I'm never going to be good, but I'm learning.

I have no discernable talent at anything! BUT I am stubborn. If I can train with a bunch of blokes half my age and actually pass (the hardest thing I have ever done.. way worse than giving birth 4 times) YOU can. Seriously.

Just give something a go, whether it's dancing, or crochet or axe throwing... (oh I suck at crochet too.. managed one slightly dodgy blanket and that's it) Find something and just stick at it.

A few people have natural talent but most have to work at something. I have a tendency to not try because I'm scared of failing, but if I dig my heels in and actually work at stuff... I get better..slowly!

Just have a go at a few things and find something you like!

I'm shite in general. Let's stick together. Used to be good at sleeping until I had kids!

I have zero hand-eye coordination so joining in 'fun' group sporty games like rounders is torture for me. I am also mostly devoid of musical talent although I can play half of one song on a recorder. Can't dance - tried and failed to learn salsa. Tried skiing - was bad at that. I could go on. One of my best friends is equally lacking in any sporty/musical/art talents as me. She's awesome, noone makes me laugh as much as her.

Yes I identify with this! In fact my whole family are incredibly ordinary. Pleasant, hardworking, kind people but just very ordinary.
It used to upset me a lot more but at the grand age of 50 I've made peace with it!

Well I like to think I’m kind and try my best to be but don’t really have any close friends. So maybe I’m not? Or I’m kind but boring? More likely.

Of course it’s better to be kind and talentless than the opposite. Sorry, just having a pity party I suppose. A lot of things have highlighted how useless I am lately. I don’t often feel like a very good mother either. Though my kids do show me lots of love. So I know I can’t be that bad.

I'm trying to learn new skills and just enjoy the process of doing something new but not making progress. Maybe I haven’t found the right thing? Just makes me feel all my failings stand out in stark relief.

I also used to be good at sleep pre kids @boydoggies. we should definitely stick together. Thanks all for your kind words and those of you that have shared you feel the same. Makes me feel a bit better.

God do you think this is me having a mid life crisis?!

Me! I keep hoping I’ll discover my long hidden talent but…no!
in my teens I thought academia but I am good but not anything good enough to be an actual academic
sort of lack common sense in that I often do things in a more difficult/convoluted way and only see in hindsight how i could have streamlined, done things in am more sensible way that would have been clear to there immediately.
im messy and have to make big mental effort not to be.
I want to be a good listener but spend a lot of conversations internally worrying about what I should say and stressing about saying right thing so later realise I didn’t really listen.
not really good at practical things
have tried 4 different careers and just ok at them all
i wanted to be an excellent mother but again am just good enough, passable. Middling in domestic sphere

just basically middle at most things, rubbish at creativity, middling singer, useless at any actual instrument, rubbish at sports.

but…my kids and best friends love me anyway and I’m trying to see myself in that way now.

With the exception of the small number of people in any field who are just exceptionally gifted, becoming good at stuff generally takes effort and determination. There’s no inherent problem with you, it’s just that you haven’t put the required time into perfecting anything yet. The things you’re trying out, if you keep at them you’ll get better, then good.

Equally, there’s no rule in life that you need to be really good at something. I’m an excellent generalist: can get by in just about anything I try to do but am unlikely to ever win awards. It’s fine, it’s done me really well in life. I’m ultimately more successful in life than if I were really good at just one thing.

I can’t do any of those things either, but ask me where the scissors/passports/that thing Auntie Margaret gave us 10 years ago are, I’m on it like a car bonnet.

Also, my supermarket shopping conveyer belt organisation is a thing of beauty.

There’s showy-offy skills, and then there’s the really useful stuff.

Being good at things (or not) isn't really anything to do with who you are as a person, nor is it really any evidence of a person being worth more than another.

What I'd say about creative pursuits especially is that the point isn't to be good at them, it's to do them anyway and enjoy the process without that in mind because it has benefits for the mind/relaxation and so on.

It's also worth bearing in mind that with practice and/or lessons most people can be reasonably good at almost anything. I don't think most of us can expect to be just off the bat, and it isn't worth feeling bad about the fact you weren't born into a particular talent. If you like the idea of it then look into some classes and you'll probably be surprised at how quickly you improve.

Sorry you're feeling a bit low OP, you aren't indequate and it's normal not to be exceptional at token talents. You're just as valid and valued without either participating or excelling in them.

Ooh ooh I'm crap too! Can I join please? I took piano lessons for 8 years and never learned to read music. I did karate for 4 years and never progressed beyond a yellow belt. I have such a profound ignorance of basic science that it could almost pass for spiritual awe. My DS's Nintendo makes me feel seasick so I can't even bond with him over empty screentime. I can't tell my left from right! I'm 46, by the way.

I'm also not well travelled or culturally sophisticated, and under the prolonged, 2-pronged attack of SEN parenting and perimenopause, I have neither time nor enthusiasm to keep up with crap telly, let alone award-winning film and literature, and feel too cynical and under-informed to formulate nuanced political opinions.

Your problem, OP, is that you've married into Hobbies. There's nothing wrong with you. You've just got a lot of sporty people in your life. It can feel shit when the people around you have intense interests you don't particularly share. But I find it helpful to remember that I am also bored to fucking tears when I have to spend time in situations and activities where I have neither interest nor talent. (Particularly since peri hit). In the skateboarding situation you describe, maybe a part of you is thinking about how much less boring and alienating it would feel if you had the slightest interest in or aptitude for skateboarding. Can you think of your discomfort that way? That this situation isn't fun for you, rather than your not being up to the challenge of the situation? Being an athlete / musician doesn't make someone inherently more interesting (and can make people tediously single-minded and monomaniacal if taken to extremes).

Hang in there, I absolutely know how you're feeling.

Thank you for your replies. @babypeach are we the same person?! Also thought academia was for me until I did a PhD and realised I was oh so middling compared to all others around me. I felt very low of IQ at times! I’m also exactly the same with conversations. Realise I didn’t follow a thing as I worrying about saying something interesting/not stupid.

I know being ‘good’ at something doesn’t reflect on me as a person at all. I’d much rather be kind, generous and loving than a talented but selfish person. I’m usually very good at giving my head a wobble and trying to accept me for myself. I’ve made such good progress with that over the years. I think lately I’ve just been a bit surrounded by people who are very talented and others that have achieved something so it’s made all my inadequacies re-emerge. @Bunnyhair you’re right that I married into hobbies. My husbands family have so many and he and his siblings did loads as children. Where as I was a painfully shy recluse that did nothing as I was convinced I’d fail so never tried! Wish I could go back and give young me a little push to try a few more things with the reassurance you won’t did of shame if you’re not brilliant. I always wonder where my mindset came from. I will try to reframe my thinking.

I think a bit of this is being frustrated that I don’t have the time to pursue a hobby properly between work and kids and feeling so tired all the time. Sometimes I think I’ve hit peri but I’m 39 never month so a little early. But could be!

Thanks again for sharing kind words and those that say they feel the same. Made me feel less alone. I shall try harder to live in the moment and not compare.

But you could learn to do something instead of coming here to say how upset you are that you can't do certain things. You could sign up for piano lessons or even learn off youtube.

It's where we put our energy that makes all the difference.

I would love to learn piano too but I would sooner go on youtube and learn than write a post about how I wish I could play. See what I mean?

You can learn and do anything you set your mind to, don't limit yourself by thinking things are impossible.

I read your post and it resonated with me. Then I thought - oh well what AM I good at? No - one of the things listed here either. But like others have said, I know I am empathic, a good listener and a good cook. I also have a teen DD with mental health issues and I have spent the last 2 years advocating for her, getting an EHCP and practically devoting my life to her. More important than skateboarding or running. Finally I know I am good at my job even though that has its ups and downs. But I do get a lot of self worth and validation from it.
Do you work OP? I bet you are good at your job if you do.

OP, I have a feeling you’re good at writing. Maybe explore that. And you do know most people would never get to the point of doing a phd, don’t you? You clearly do have talent but you haven’t yet found one you’re interested enough to develop.

I'm with you on this op, I'm not good at anything. I'm mediocre at most things, but I've never been 'good' at anything

I am shit at everything. And I fuck up everything I try to do.

I’ve given up now.

@happysingleversary I think there's a lot of truth in what you say. However I am someone who pre-children did put in effort to try to improve/learn new things and push myself out of my comfort zone (dance, languages, yoga, different sports etc etc). And I was awful at them despite trying really hard. Some I enjoyed and kept doing anyway but after a while when it was courses where you were expected to progress I dropped out as I didn't want to do the beginners level for the umpteenth time. And I couldn't keep playing badminton with friends as they beat me every time - even when they played with their left hand - so no fun for them (or me). So I think that's maybe what the OP is getting at - just not being someone who can pick things up in the way many people can.

I am/was good at studying and so have several degrees/professional job that I'm good at. But out of work I'm like the OP.