How not to embarrass your child as they go into Y7

[KindergartenKop]

DS is going into Y7 in September. I've got to get him a load of stuff like a school bag, pencil case etc etc.

What should I avoid doing/saying/getting as he goes into secondary. DS doesn't necessarily know either! My Little Pony pencil case? 🐎

This does of course apply equally to you.

Apparently mum and mad younger sister singing 'Fred the toad ' in manner of opera singers while friend is in the car is not the done thing...... just saying (before anyone jumps on me, friend spends enough time with us to know what we are like and eldest rolled her eyes and called us 'weirdos' 😁)

I pass a local boys school on the way to my sons school and see a lot of them wearing Velcro shoes! Which is a relief as my son will probably need them too!

I never recognise any of this stuff on MN and I teach secondary. They nearly all wear coats, all have name tags and have a range of pencil cases according to personality/taste. I love the individuality and enjoy chatting to the new starters about their pencil cases and enviable stationery choices. My top tip is to buy 200% more pens than you think you will need and then triple it. They run out of biros on a daily basis.

I'm also the parent to a y11 and she doesn't give a fig about being seen with me. Her friends are a lovely bunch and have just formally asked me to prom with them.

Don’t assume that because MN is telling you something, then it’s right.

I think this is better interpreted as "just because a poster tells you what happens at their DC's school; doesn't mean it will apply to your DC's school".

Points of contention on this thread just in this thread- to wear a coat or not wear a coat ; velcro shoes are fine versus babyish ; no one cares about bags or actually the wrong bag is social suicide.

I'd enlist the help of a parent with a child at your school. Or possibly hover around school at finishing time if it's possible to do this without looking stalkery.

If you drive him to school, for goodness sake don't drop him at the school gate.

It needs to be 200 metres away in a place where no one can see.

And just in case anyone does see, make sure you are driving the right sort of vehicle.

And don't kiss him goodbye. Or wave.

Be prepared to act quickly.

The normal, plain ankle length black socks I bought were deemed to be the worst thing in the whole world after the 1st week. I ascertained that all the girls HAVE TO only wear black trainer socks so their entire ankle is exposed and no millimetre of sock is to be seen. Even in the snow.

Otherwise the world is probably ending.

Quick ping on Next and 10 pairs of plainer than plain black trainer socks (THERE MUST NOT BE ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN BLACK) arrived and balance was restored.

No comment must be made about how cold ankles will get, they must just be presented with no comment.

I acted quickly and offered no argument about how bloody stupid it was.

i always felt you couldn’t go wrong with a sports brand backpack (Ds liked Nike). He had no choice over Velcro shoes as laced ones didn’t go small enough.

Thanks @redskylight

Id also add that it’s nit because the majority of children look like they don’t/do <insert statement> that this is what your dc should do.

Ive always trusted my dcs to tell me what they wanted/thought was appropriate.
Plus some children will still want to do stuff their way (eg colourful pencil case when most have a black or clear one). I wouldn’t want to tell them they can’t or to frighten them ‘they won’t fit in if they do that’

Ahhhhh year 7. I remember this well. I purchased a naice Parker pen, pencil case, rulers, pens, pencils , sharpeners , the whole lot. He lost the whole lot about a week in, plus shoes, towel, glasses, jumpers , pe kit. I’d named everything too. I still to this day ( he’s 30 now ) don’t know how he managed it.

Fabulous days they were ! 🤣

Nothing expensive - they lose it.
Name all clothing and disfigure it slightly by colouring in a bit on a yellow trim say. This will deter the cheeky fecker parents who get their child to 'find' a jumper, rip the name out and then finally return it after two years. Yes, that happened.
Pencil cases - nothing too bulky and I really recommend that it is pickable outable - same with water bottle. If everything looks the same it is very easy to get mixed up.
Kids never tie or untie laces
For PE kit recommend buying second hand.
If you buy second hand kit do take the previous child's name out. We were all flumoxed at school this week finding a teeny school jumper with the name of pupil who is now in year 13.
Don't bother buying dictionaries - they never use them.

Don’t be discreet!

Aim for middle ground. Nothing too cheap, nothing too expensive. Also don’t make out he has a mother in public. Not cool.

My kids were/are always happy for us to be ‘seen’. They asked to be dropped off and picked up directly outside school. Friends always at our house and chatted to us. No embarrassment at all. Maybe we’re cool 🤔 ....or it’s just better than walking and there’s always lots of drinks/snacks at our house. 😂

I was a bit nervous on my sons first day of secondary school as he knew no one at all and I was worried how he would settle I . I was waiting outside to collect him when a lady in front of me bobbed down to a crouching position, put her arms out and shouted “ baby how was your first day?” The said “baby” just froze, I was mortified on his behalf.
My son came out after what seemed like ages after the majority because, turns out he’d been chatting to his new friends. Phew! We negotiated on where to drop him off and pick him up . However I was not above blackmail for occasions where he was being a bit lippy and I have to say I may have threatened to do the whole “ baby how was your day” scenario. Don’t think he thought I’d go through with it but he wasn’t 100% sure. 😂

I agree with the PP that said secondary school is a lot less judgemental these days so don't worry too much. Only thing I noticed is that Smiggle, that was oh so cool at primary school, is definitely passe at all secondary.

All the kids friends have chatted at me - I wouldn't start ignoring them because you think they want that. They come and find me in the kitchen to witter on a bit some 'interesting' thing.
I'd say to try to learn laces, opens up lots more possibilities for shoes.
Black and labelled for coats and jackets.
Socks - buy loads, they never can find them.
Read the instructions on the mouth guard, you have to soak them and mould them to use, not just out the pack.

@ForestofD

No comment must be made about how cold ankles will get, they must just be presented with no comment.

see also: never say "won't your legs get cold?" when your DD rolls her skirt up to the waistband and goes out in all weathers wearing teeny tiny socks.

Yes, my DS managed to lose 3 full PE kits in one week, his kit, his spare kit and the one he borrowed from his brother.

At my DCs school the vast majority of kids hand black Nike backpacks. My DCs wear coats, as do lots of their friends. Puffer jackets seem to be the norm (mine have Nike ones bought from Vinted). Plain black / clear pencil cases. And accept that stuff will get lost. All. The. Time.

Oh and Kickers shoes if allowed are the shoe of choice (I started with new shiny ones then moved to good second hand ones from Vinted). Just elastic laces so your DS can slip them on and off, rather than shoes with Velcro that may stand out.

I'd advise lace-up or slip-on shoes.
At my dcs school Velcro wouldn't have gone down well with the masses.
DS yr9 and his friends wear a Rockport or Firetrap.
(DD yr7 is all about the Viv's🙄)
DS and his peers tend to have black Nike or Under Armour backpacks and girls use RI or Ted Baker bags.
Pencil cases are clear.
Coats are anything from JD sports.

Find out what is 'in' in your sons school - kids at ours wouldn't be seen in kickers, rockport etc, it's all about the Nike Air force in black. Nike coats and bags. But it's different in each school so definitely find out if you can!

Ahh, I remember the days when all the girls had Jane Norman bags with our pe kits in !

Yep kickers, rockport wouldn't have gone down well at my kids school. Nike Air Force, vans, converse, ( all in black) bags Nike, North face, that overpriced scandi brand I can't spell. Mine started in Clarks shoes and decathlon bag, never got bullied for it but definitely wanted a cool upgrade before the end of Y7.