What is the acceptable timeline in a relationship for buying a house and getting married?

[erikbloodaxe]

Just that really.

Each relationship is different and there is no "acceptable timeline". 3 months or 3 years or more, who cares.

Is there a back story @erikbloodaxe ?

Depends on the people involved, either of those things might not happen at all.

I would generally consider anything less than 2 years as fast.
But it depends on age and circumstances too.

How long is a piece of string?

I'd expect to know where a relationship was going within 12-18 months. That doesn't mean anyone would do anything about it. But I'd have had conversations about living arrangements/kids/marriage.

My situation was slightly different as unexpectedly pregnant very early in the relationship.

We stayed together pretty much from the get go but had our own places. Lived together from 9 months, bought a house at 3 years, married at 4 years. Been together 10 years now and still happy.

My friend got together with someone, married him 6m later and they’re still together nearly 5 years later with 2 children.

Depends on the people and the circumstances.

A lot will depend on the age you first meet and finances too.

DH were together 6 years before we got married (met when he was 19 and I'd just turned 20). Still haven't managed to buy a house though we've lived together since we were 24.

DBro and his partner met when he was 29 and she was 25 or 26 and bought a house together around the 18m/2year point. They are not engaged yet though I know my brother is hoping they'll get married in the future - I think they want to finish sorting out the house first.

Different for everyone ... but met N end of 2020, moved in to my home summer 2022, we move to new home Friday!!! Wedding 22nd July

Whatever you are happy for it to be.

We met, bought a house six months later, married at eleven months. Celebrate our 30th anniversary this year. Not for everyone but suited us.

Agree it depends on circumstances.

DH and I were housemates and friends for 2 years, after we started dating we got engaged after 3 months, we married 18 months in. We knew each other well because we shared a house. A sort of try before you buy.

I think many people like each other but that deep down it is not a forever option and people just aren’t on the same page. It’s talking that sorts this and sometimes it is not the result one side wants. I think hanging about hoping if it’s been spelled out is a waste of time.

There isn't one. completely depends on the individuals involved I the relationship.

it could a 4 year relationship were 1 or both people are in denial about red flags who then decide to move / buy together, then continue to hobble along trying to make things work for another 4 - 5 years adding children into the mix. Until it all gets to much and the marriage/partnership breaks down, or one partner becomes the most dominant and the other lives a quite and controlled life.

there is no right time frame.

I personally took a jump and look later approach to relationships, moving in together very quckly then deciding if 'WE' worked as a couple after (theres no hiding shitty personalities before lots of emotional investment when living under the same roof). theory being I would find out pretty quick if we were compatible. Then I'd move on. I do not recommend this it worked for me only because I knew exactly what I wanted and how I thought a partnership should feel.

Also it's was a lot easier and cheaper to rent back then, everyone seemed to have there own place, whether a bedsit, houseshare, flat whatever...

been with DH 25+ years I moved in after a week of dating.

But as I said it doesn't work for everyone.

Don’t think there is one, is there? Every circumstance is different.
When both are ready?

I agree with pps it depends on ages and circumstances really; are there children etc.

We met at school and got together aged 15. Bought our first home aged 21, got engaged at 22, married at 25.
Now both 32 with 4 children and moved into our second (and probably forever) home last year.

We moved into together the day we announced our relationship (after about 3 weeks ) had a child after 4 years and are getting married after 6 and will buying a house at the same time.

There are way too many variants. It completely depends on the individuals, relationship and circumstances.

"Acceptable" to who?

I became pregnant 6 weeks after the start of my relationship.
Another child 2 years later.
We bought a house 6 years after that.#
Now at 25 years and still happily unmarried.

If both parties are over 25 and have no DC already then I’d say 2 years to be engaged. Date of wedding will vary from there depending on circumstances but I’d expect it to be within 18 months usually. I wouldn’t buy a house unless I was engaged.

Acceptable? To society? To individual circumstances? To ones parents? Surely that depends on circumstances, finances and your culture as well as other things.

I didn't realise there was a timeline blueprint to follow. However I can recommend not buying a house and getting married at practically the same time - way too expensive.

@Rainbowqueeen out of interest, why not? I wouldn’t buy a house unless I was engaged.

Whenever you want. You don't have to actually do either of those things, ever.

I agree, too many variables. The problem comes when expectations are different. I had a couple of two year-ish relationships in my mid 20s, in both cases I was happy in the present time but no intention of moving in or getting married but the BFs were nudging for more commitment so we split. By the time I met DH I had told myself to give it 6 months and leave if I didn't want the long term commitment, I realised I did and we were married, relocated and bought a house within about 3 years.

This. Honestly, OP, surely you can see this is a very silly question?

DH and I did long distance for a year when we met, then I moved to his home town but we didn't live together and we finally bought our first home together after 18 months together (was almost 2 years before we moved in).

We've lived in the house together for 22 years and have been married for almost 20 years. Wasn't too fast for us. We did put some protection in place as we weren't married but that only stayed in place until we were married.

Who can tell? With my husband we were engaged within six weeks, had bought a house within nine months and married and expecting a few months later. All good.
However if we had broken up a couple years later everyone would have said it was because we rushed into it.

You go back to the 1960s and 1970s and people would meet and marry much quicker. There wasn’t the “saving” up for 5 years for a wedding as weddings were low key affairs in comparison & family paid so the wedding was set ti the fathers pocket.

Met at 17, engaged at 19, purchased house at 21 married at 25 first child at 25.

So fairly slow and steady

Divorced at 44 and swore I would never do any of those things again.

Met someone 18 months later and were living together and engaged within 3 months. Never been happier and that was five years ago and just shows that you never know. There isn’t a right time, and that even when I previously thought I was happy and in love I didn’t have a clue what happy and in love really was.