What is the acceptable timeline in a relationship for buying a house and getting married?

[erikbloodaxe]

Just that really.

@DivineAffliction

No it's not a silly question but thank you so much for your pointless response.

Societal expectations change over time, what was the norm in my parents day and then again in my day were different.

I was interested in what the thinking was today.

We met in August, engaged in December, then bought a house in April. That was 33 years ago.
I'd known many useless and unkind men.

I'm a gypsy so it's different in my community.

If I had to put an average on it-
From meeting and starting a relationship you could be engaged within anything from less than 1 year to the longer end of about 3 years.
After getting engaged the wedding is very rarely longer than a year to 18 months away.
Obviously we don't move in together until after the wedding so I'd say an average of 2-4 years from the start of the relationship.

Up to the individual. I wouldn’t have wanted to rush in to anything, though. I’d have thought 2 years-ish to get to know if I wanted to commit - time enough to go through a few challenges together, get to know each other’s family & friends, do things together like holidays. But that’s in an ideal world, I guess.

I moved in with now-DH after 2 years, baby a year later, married a year after that, then a second child 2 years later. But I was 24 when I met him and had plenty of time, so that felt quite ‘quick’. We’d created a family by the time I was 30, in 6 years from meeting. At 40 it might have felt quite leisurely and I wouldn’t have had time to take it slowly if I’d have wanted kids.

In my case 5 months from meeting to marriage. 35 years ago. But although it's been great for us I wouldn't recommend risking it

Engaged 6 months after we met, married 6 months later. Bought a house and had a child 16 months after that. 25th wedding anniversary this year.

There’s no ideal situation. Totally depends on age, finances, life situation, work. After 12-18 months I’d expect to be talking about future plans. We bought a flat after 7 years together as could only afford at that point. Married 3 years later, after more saving!

It depends.

I met DH at 18 & 19, got together at 20 & 21and we didn't get married till 26 & 27. It would have felt weird to me to be married much younger than that.

I know couples who have got married fairly quickly after getting together, but it's never been quicker than a couple of years. One of the couples ended quickly (and messily) and the other is still going strong.

I think people who have DCs from previous relationships should take it slower as well. I'd actually possibly not 100% approve if a friend moved in with and married someone very quickly if they already had DCs at home.

@Teapleasemilknosugar because I want to get married. I think if you do things out of order then often marriage drops off the radar. I’d want to see some commitment towards marriage before getting enmeshed with someone financially. I’d actually prefer to be married before buying a house but sometimes an opportunity for the perfect house comes up and you have to grab it.

I was informed by a friend in a friendly but amused fashion that I’d done it ‘all the the right order’.

Met DH mid 20s, moved in together a year later, engaged three years after that, married at 30, DS1 at 32, bought house together at 34, DS2 at 35.

I agree though that there’s no normal any more (I suspect a combination of level of education and age will affect it considerably). The first because my friends all thought our friends getting engaged at uni were much too young and the second because if you meet the right person and want DC but are mid 30s you’re going to move faster.

Add your ages together, divide by your combined weight in kg then subtract the number you first thought of.

We got married 5 months after meeting. I was 25 and DH 23. Been married 42 years and very happy.

His family were not happy. They were convinced I was pregnant (still waiting for the baby to arrive!).

DH's mum said to me just after the wedding service "Well I'll give it a year if you're lucky"!

Well I think you've had your answer op. There is no real "expectation" now, or if there is, people care less about meeting it and more about what suits them. I've been in a serious relationship for a decade. In my 40s, post divorce, don't want to blend families or mix finances so won't be moving in or marrying possibly ever. I don't need to. I think CoL might drive people to cohabit quicker than they'd choose. Some will work out some won't.

The only thing that matters is trust
to do either of those things you need to trust somebody with your life

We moved in together within a year of meeting.

But if we do marry it will not be any sooner than 40+ years after meeting.

40 years unmarried for us...

We bought a house together 5 years after we met. Got married 6 years after that. Had two kids in between. Your question is silly, because that was acceptable for us.

🤣🤣

If they want to do things like have children, I think about two years or less, no more then three, from meeting is normal if you are late 20s or more when you meet. If you are younger than that, you may end up being a little slower. I met my DH at 24 and we were married when I was 27, nearly 28. I have known a lot of variations that worked out successfully, however.

Ohhh, about as long as a piece of string. No, not that one, that other piece of string.

HTH

Depends on your age/maurity.

I met my current partner 1.5years ago. He moved in with me 6mth into the relationship. We bought a house together 1 year into the relationship..

Would I ever have done this in my early 20s? Prob not. But we are a lot more mature now and after many red flag relationships we knew we are supposed to be together etc.

Agree that it depends on age.

Dh and I...

Met when we were both 26

Moved in together after six months because it was expensive paying two rents and we both wanted to buy. I moved into his, he continued to pay all rent and bills and I matched that amount by paying it into a joint savings account.

Got engaged on the first anniversary of our first date (27)

Bought our house at 28.

Got married later that year

First child came along two years later (30)

Second child three years after that (33)

We're now both 36 and still happy!