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Original poster

Would you say something to your husband?

47 replies

Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 16:50

If your husband and yourself lived near extended family of his that are around you guys' age.

If your husband regularly contacted them, inviting them, suggested outings and to meet up with them (and they never asked in return) and was constantly met with silence, told they can't, cancelled on last minute, etc... would you say something?

This is the case with my DH, the family member he was planning to meet with today for dinner cancelled on him yesterday night, today he texted him again and said he would actually think about it and and let him know.
they were supposed to meet at 6 and at 4:30/5 still no response.

He is still waiting for his reply to know what to do for dinner.

Would you think thats okay? If not, would you tell him you think their behaviour is not acceptable or would that be rude and overstepping?

OP posts:
Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 16:51

Are you talking about your husband?

Or your tween daughter?

GoodChat · 22/03/2023 16:52

I'd ask him why he keeps waiting around for people who don't reciprocate, but in a kind way.

LadyKenya · 22/03/2023 16:54

Why would it be overstepping? It is your husband. I would say something personally. It is not a one off.

Aaron95 · 22/03/2023 16:54

How extended are the relatives?

It sounds like your husband and his relatives have different priorities. He obviously sees it as important to keep in touch with the extended relatives while his relatives don't think it important to do the same. In fact it sounds like they can't be bothered and only say yes to stop him asking to see them.

There's not a lot you can do about it. Some families are incredibly close and see nearby relatives all the time, others are not bothered.

Original poster
Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 16:55

LadyKenya · 22/03/2023 16:54

Why would it be overstepping? It is your husband. I would say something personally. It is not a one off.

Thank you
I just thought it might maybe be seen as overstepping as its a member of his family and wanted to make sure

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 16:55

Aaron95 · 22/03/2023 16:54

How extended are the relatives?

It sounds like your husband and his relatives have different priorities. He obviously sees it as important to keep in touch with the extended relatives while his relatives don't think it important to do the same. In fact it sounds like they can't be bothered and only say yes to stop him asking to see them.

There's not a lot you can do about it. Some families are incredibly close and see nearby relatives all the time, others are not bothered.

Parents' cousins

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 16:57

Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 16:55

Parents' cousins

Show quote history

Thank you for your reply
I think it's exactly that

OP posts:
Fizzadora · 22/03/2023 17:06

Well I would. I keep reading all this shit about not interfering in partners' family business but, you know, when it affects your family and you see your partner treated shabbily by someone else, then yes you are entitled to say something. I would have a full and frank discussion with partner first to ask why they feel it necessary to keep leaving themselves open to being treated badly by such distant family members and let them know how upsetting it is for you to keep seeing it.
If partner didn't stop all contact, then I would have no hesitation in wading into the relatives and telling them to stop behaving like shits.

hopeishere · 22/03/2023 17:13

Parents cousins? They're not interested and are being polite. But it can be hard to get other people to see things like this sometimes. Is there a big age gap? Why is your husband keen to meet up with them?

Original poster
Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 17:17

hopeishere · 22/03/2023 17:13

Parents cousins? They're not interested and are being polite. But it can be hard to get other people to see things like this sometimes. Is there a big age gap? Why is your husband keen to meet up with them?

Not big age gap, we are all in our mid twenties. Including the cousins.
He believes it's important to have a network

OP posts:
Sylviarobbo · 22/03/2023 17:26

Ugh no leave them alone. They clearly don't want to do this, it isn't rude. We get badgered by family to do something with them every weekend and have to think up elaborate excuses when the truth is we just want to do our own thing most of the time!

Original poster
Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 23:24

Plotwist:

So a few weeks again, we were making plans to meet them all together including another cousin for a korean bbq (my suggestion). (6 total)

We created a group but after a bit they just stopped responding.

I just found out that his cousin hadn't cancelled on him.
He lied to me and instead made a plan to meet with all of them today for the bbq, excluding me

So I was the problem

I feel embarrassed and sad 😔

OP posts:
Palmface · 22/03/2023 23:43

@Sweetomine that is awful. Try not to be embarrassed, that is really mean of your dh to exclude you.

User13579367337 · 22/03/2023 23:46

Has he said why?

fantasmasgoria1 · 22/03/2023 23:47

Has he given a reason for excluding you? Mind you it would not matter what the reason was I would seriously be thinking about finishing the relationship.

Partyandbullshit · 22/03/2023 23:49

You need to be honest with each other. And it’s okay if his family don’t appreciate you. They’re not the ones who chose to marry you. It’s not okay for your DH to be embarrassed about or by you though and he needs to quit lying/ducking/diving. Everyone needs to grow up. You should let him be with his family, there’s no law saying you need to be included. They need to stop skulking about and playing hide and seek.

Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 01:05

Partyandbullshit · 22/03/2023 23:49

You need to be honest with each other. And it’s okay if his family don’t appreciate you. They’re not the ones who chose to marry you. It’s not okay for your DH to be embarrassed about or by you though and he needs to quit lying/ducking/diving. Everyone needs to grow up. You should let him be with his family, there’s no law saying you need to be included. They need to stop skulking about and playing hide and seek.

I asked him that and no, they didn't say anything. It was him who decided to exclude me.

He does spend time on his own with his family, plenty of time. This just stings because he basically behind my back kicked me out of something we had planned on doing all together

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 01:06

fantasmasgoria1 · 22/03/2023 23:47

Has he given a reason for excluding you? Mind you it would not matter what the reason was I would seriously be thinking about finishing the relationship.

No he gave me no reason, I asked if they didn't want me there, if it was because he wanted to just be with his family, but he just said no and that he didn't know why.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 01:07

Partyandbullshit · 22/03/2023 23:49

You need to be honest with each other. And it’s okay if his family don’t appreciate you. They’re not the ones who chose to marry you. It’s not okay for your DH to be embarrassed about or by you though and he needs to quit lying/ducking/diving. Everyone needs to grow up. You should let him be with his family, there’s no law saying you need to be included. They need to stop skulking about and playing hide and seek.

TBH I think he is embarrassed.
One of the people in the group was his ex, so I'm thinking maybe he's embarrassed to be seen with me around her especially, like he downgraded with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 01:08

Palmface · 22/03/2023 23:43

@Sweetomine that is awful. Try not to be embarrassed, that is really mean of your dh to exclude you.

Thank you for your kind message x
I'm quite confused, I think he's just embarrassed

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 01:11

Partyandbullshit · 22/03/2023 23:49

You need to be honest with each other. And it’s okay if his family don’t appreciate you. They’re not the ones who chose to marry you. It’s not okay for your DH to be embarrassed about or by you though and he needs to quit lying/ducking/diving. Everyone needs to grow up. You should let him be with his family, there’s no law saying you need to be included. They need to stop skulking about and playing hide and seek.

For instance, his brothers don't like me so I never join them when they go out together.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 23/03/2023 01:42

He needs to stop trying then

Yes it maybe upsetting and sure you am him don't have to get it or them but just stop

barmycatmum · 23/03/2023 01:49

… he’s your husband? And he’s prioritizing his ex, and un inviting you behind your back?

oh HELL no. This is so inappropriate.

noooo. He needs to have his head put back on right. This is not how a wife should be treated.

I am sorry, OP. that is just plain awful.

if he cares more what others think than how you feel, maybe he needs to go be with someone he can value. Ffs. I’m furious on your behalf.

Karatequeen · 23/03/2023 02:04

Omg he sounds like a knob and in-fact they all sound like knobs, going ahead without you despite you setting it up. Really unkind manipulative behaviour which would make me seriously rethink a relationship.

In what way is the ex linked to his relatives? Have they all set up against you purely due to you marrying? Sounds very childish.

Karatequeen · 23/03/2023 02:06

I’m not surprised you feel like a down grade, however you are not, you are equal to everybody.