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Original poster

Would you say something to your husband?

47 replies

Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 16:50

If your husband and yourself lived near extended family of his that are around you guys' age.

If your husband regularly contacted them, inviting them, suggested outings and to meet up with them (and they never asked in return) and was constantly met with silence, told they can't, cancelled on last minute, etc... would you say something?

This is the case with my DH, the family member he was planning to meet with today for dinner cancelled on him yesterday night, today he texted him again and said he would actually think about it and and let him know.
they were supposed to meet at 6 and at 4:30/5 still no response.

He is still waiting for his reply to know what to do for dinner.

Would you think thats okay? If not, would you tell him you think their behaviour is not acceptable or would that be rude and overstepping?

OP posts:
Autienotnautie · 23/03/2023 02:23

This sounds awful. You are his family too, he should absolutely include you if you want to. His family don't sound great, it's up to him if he's happy to be treated like that

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 23/03/2023 05:35

Your husband and his family sound like a bunch of pricks. Also, his cousin is his ex?

LimpetPool · 23/03/2023 07:41

So you are saying none of his family like you, any idea why?

Some of DH family were not keen on me because they are racist. I didn’t and don’t like it but I knew why. Even if you disagree with the reason that they judge do you know.

Lovelyveg80 · 23/03/2023 08:11

So you are saying none of his family like you, any idea why?

and the chances that we get the full story from the Op? Nil

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/03/2023 08:15

You are married to this man? He sounds really horrible. His family sound awful. He socialises with his ex-girlfriend and lies to you and excludes you. You know what we're going to say don't you?

2bazookas · 23/03/2023 08:23

Have you married a little boy, or a grown adult?

He can sort this himself, MYOB.

skippy67 · 23/03/2023 08:55

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 23/03/2023 05:35

Your husband and his family sound like a bunch of pricks. Also, his cousin is his ex?

The group are his parents cousins.

skippy67 · 23/03/2023 08:57

2bazookas · 23/03/2023 08:23

Have you married a little boy, or a grown adult?

He can sort this himself, MYOB.

Have you read the thread? The OP's husband is the one excluding her, not his relatives. I would say that is her business...

Justforlaffs · 23/03/2023 09:02

Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 17:17

Not big age gap, we are all in our mid twenties. Including the cousins.
He believes it's important to have a network

Show quote history

He wants something from them that they don't want to give.

He should back off as he's looking like a desperado and borderline harassing them - they sound like they don't want to be blunt so give vague answers. honestly I'd be embarrassed for my dh. You need to have a word.

Justforlaffs · 23/03/2023 09:04

Sweetomine · 22/03/2023 23:24

Plotwist:

So a few weeks again, we were making plans to meet them all together including another cousin for a korean bbq (my suggestion). (6 total)

We created a group but after a bit they just stopped responding.

I just found out that his cousin hadn't cancelled on him.
He lied to me and instead made a plan to meet with all of them today for the bbq, excluding me

So I was the problem

I feel embarrassed and sad 😔

Oh Jesus, after reading this:

Just get rid OP - he sounds like a total tossed and a massive loser. Why on earth would you put up with this treatment?

Horrible.

Justforlaffs · 23/03/2023 09:04

*TOSSER!!

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 23/03/2023 09:58

skippy67 · 23/03/2023 08:55

The group are his parents cousins.

Show quote history

So his ex is his parent’s cousin…?

Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 12:29

Thank you all for your replies.

Yes his ex is his parents' cousin.

I'm from a different culture, and it did create some problems within the family.

As of why the problems don't like me, his mother has been complaining to them when we got married. they haven't explicitly said they don't like me but I know it from the way they talk to me. And I heard her complain about them.
She complained that I was stealing her son away by me wanting us to move together and creating financial problems for them as my husband used to live with them and pay rent.
She wanted us to live separately for a few years before moving together so that she can still get money.
She also complained to them that I was dirty (that I didn't shave my pubes) and couldn't clean or cook.She told them I would leave my dirty pant protections around, which wasn't true.
That because I'm of a different culture everyone in her family went through her and told her her husband could marry the most beautiful girl in their culture, why settle for a white girl. Etc...

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 12:30

Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 12:29

Thank you all for your replies.

Yes his ex is his parents' cousin.

I'm from a different culture, and it did create some problems within the family.

As of why the problems don't like me, his mother has been complaining to them when we got married. they haven't explicitly said they don't like me but I know it from the way they talk to me. And I heard her complain about them.
She complained that I was stealing her son away by me wanting us to move together and creating financial problems for them as my husband used to live with them and pay rent.
She wanted us to live separately for a few years before moving together so that she can still get money.
She also complained to them that I was dirty (that I didn't shave my pubes) and couldn't clean or cook.She told them I would leave my dirty pant protections around, which wasn't true.
That because I'm of a different culture everyone in her family went through her and told her her husband could marry the most beautiful girl in their culture, why settle for a white girl. Etc...

Sorry, that should have read I heard her complain about me to them*

OP posts:
GoodChat · 23/03/2023 12:31

@Sweetomine how did his mom know you don't shave your pubes?

This is batshit. Tell him he's disrespecting you by lying.

Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 12:35

As for why these cousins might not like me. I genuinely have no idea. I've only met them a handful of times.

We went to the restaurant the first time.
Two other times they came to our house and I tried to be as kind of as host as I could, I cooked and offered tea and baked cakes and chatted so I don't know what I did wrong.

The only thing I can think of is that at one point in the conversation, his ex asked me for tea. When I asked if she wanted milk or sugar, she asked me to put milk in until the tea is the colour of her skin (her words). I made tea and she laughed and complained to the others that I had made it too dark when she wanted it the colour of her skin. I thought she said that in a joking way but she might actually have been offended? I don't know.

I was also baking brownies after they brought in cupcakes because they had nuts and my husband has a nut allergy. I obviouslg had some of their cupcakes too but they took offense to that. In retrospect that was of poor taste from me but I didn't think that would make them dislike me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetomine · 23/03/2023 12:38

GoodChat · 23/03/2023 12:31

@Sweetomine how did his mom know you don't shave your pubes?

This is batshit. Tell him he's disrespecting you by lying.

She's a liar and makes up stories a lot of time.
She told me that because of me and how upset, her husband packed his things and left the house. Except that happened before we even met. I remember a few weeks into dating my husband, his dad flew back and he told me the story.

OP posts:
Lottie2shoes · 23/03/2023 14:04

OK. So no matter about the culture and even the things you may have done wrong. They seem like minor things anyway. Not something to make some one hate you. The matter of fact is they have decided not to like you even before you stepped foot in the door.
So for that, I understand you want to fit in but it is not going to work. At least for a long while anyway.
Best thing to do is be indifferent to them, show them it does not phase you and don't be a try hard.
Once they grow up and realise their son married you and he's staying put, they will slowly ( hopefully) try to build a better relationship with you.
Until then ignore, ignore, ignore.
Don't let their opinions mean anything to you.

Lovelyveg80 · 23/03/2023 15:44

How long have you been married?

Do you work? Friends? Family? Social life?

Lovelyveg80 · 23/03/2023 15:45

How can a relationship with a MIL be repaired when the MIL in question has referred to your public hair?!!

Lovelyveg80 · 23/03/2023 15:45

In a less than flattering light

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 23/03/2023 15:50

She also complained to them that I was dirty (that I didn't shave my pubes) and couldn't clean or cook.She told them I would leave my dirty pant protections around, which wasn't true.

There is something seriously fucking wrong with every single one of them. Your husband included. Do you really want to remain part of this total shitshow? They’re all vile to you.

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