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Original poster

Teen son driving

45 replies

KartMum · 21/03/2023 23:41

My DS has just got his provisional licence. I am worried sick about him driving.

He has a background of racing karts and he thinks he's invincible. He wants to modify his basic hatchback, boy racer it up. And he makes no secret of the fact he wants to drive fast.

I am so worried that he will kill an innocent person on the roads.

I can't get through to him. Does anyone have any ideas?

OP posts:

GretaGip · 21/03/2023 23:44

A black box fitted will take the wind out of his sails?

HirplesWithHaggis · 21/03/2023 23:46

He can't drive solo til he passes his test, which may be some time away given backlogs. Modifying his car will increase his insurance, or maybe even make it impossible. Make him fund it all himself.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 21/03/2023 23:47

Might be worth pointing out to him that any mods he makes to his car will likely either invalidate his insurance or increase his premiums. Try not to stress too much though. Most teens, especially male teen drivers, as daft as brushes but the overwhelming majority manage to survive.

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ErrolTheDragon · 21/03/2023 23:47

GretaGip · 21/03/2023 23:44

A black box fitted will take the wind out of his sails?

Yes, and the insurance company will need to know about modifications, won't they. The reality of the cost of insurance for a new young driver will hopefully be some sort of reality check.

HarrietSchulenberg · 21/03/2023 23:58

Get him a reputable driving instructor who will drill road safety into him while learning. That, together with funding his own car and insurance, and a black box, should help.

Original poster

KartMum · 22/03/2023 00:16

Thank you all for taking time to reply. The suggestions are pretty much everything I've thought off.....

He's working so he is paying for everything himself. He is prepared to pay extra for insurance so that he doesn't need to have a black box. One thing he doesn't yet know is how much impact any mods will have on the cost of insurance. So that might help a bit.

Just had a discussion with DH and we've agreed we won't help him with any of this, either organising it or taking the car places for him. So until he passes his test he will be unable to do much. And hopefully it will take him a while to pass his test in the current climate of backlogs etc

I will start making some enquiries about driving instructors and asking how they would deal with his attitude.

However, I think this is just delaying the inevitable. What I guess I'm kind of thinking is, is there any kind of police road safety course? Something that might shock him and slow him down a bit? He needs to understand that he keeps his racing on the track and drives sensibly on the road. I can't get this through to him

OP posts:

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 22/03/2023 00:28

Not sure, OP, but my 17yo said that they were shown some truly horrific videos in school regarding road safety... mainly drink driving, speeding etc. It seems that they were very graphic and hard hitting, and dd said that even the "boy racer" types were a bit freaked out. One kid actually threw up!

Not sure if these videos were supplied by the police or sourced by the school from somewhere else, but they do seem to have made the kids think. They had some pretty stark stats that they shared as well. So there is definitely material out there that might help, I just don't know how you would get your hands on it.

Precipitate · 22/03/2023 03:06

I teach kids this age and the stories I hear when they're talking to their friends are terrifying. Even what I consider to be sensible kids have said scary stuff.

I think not facilitating anything is the right way to go. If he wants driving lessons he organises and pays for them. If he's planning on buying a car to modify it then he's going to need a space to do that, no reason it should be your driveway. Buying the car is going to be another hurdle. You could refuse to be a named driver on the car which will probably raise his insurance further. If he's at a sixth form it might be worth getting in touch as local police will come in to do safety talks for this age group. I would try and get him to agree no or few passengers.

SavedByDogs · 22/03/2023 03:31

If my child had that attitude, I might even consider making them move out so they didn’t have any spare cash to pay for lessons, car and insurance. Sounds harsh but your son isn’t mature enough at the moment to drive, he could seriously injure or kill himself or others and I’d be willing to do anything to stop that happening.

My son is 19 and passed his test about 18 months ago. He’s got a really good attitude to driving and really appreciates not getting buses/trains/ubers. We also lost a relative to a speeding driver so that would have put things into perspective anyway, not that it was needed.

I hope he matures fast, it must be a huge worry for you.

SavedByDogs · 22/03/2023 03:35

Or charge him a lot of his wages as keep/rent so he’s priced out of driving, buying a car or paying insurance for longer. You can always put the money aside for when he’s got a more mature attitude. Cruel to be kind and all that.

snitzelvoncrumb · 22/03/2023 03:38

This will be me in a few years. I am planning to make it take as long as possible for him to get his license.

Netaporter · 22/03/2023 04:21

The best thing you can do here is not ‘front’ his insurance in any way. I.e get insurance in your name so that he is then a named driver on (it is also illegal to do this) your policy. One of my friends kids had grand ideas about this sort of thing. The car he wanted came back as a quote of £20k for one year’s insurance with him as the named driver so he had to rethink his choice of car 😉. The only things you can do as a responsible parent is point out the pitfalls of lying/omitting to mention about the mods on the car to the insurance company which may invalidate his policy. Driving without adequate (or any insurance) is one of the most anti-social things you can do and he needs to understand that insurance is not just for him and his car but for those who might also be affected in the event of a crash. Unless he is a premiership footballer, the reality is insurance is massively unaffordable for first time drivers, especially without a black box. You are right to be worried but I think stand firm and let the reality of the actual cost of buying/maintaining/fuelling such a car help your DS reach the conclusion that just like the rest of them, he’ll be in a sensible car with a black box for a while…

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 22/03/2023 05:05

He knows insurance will cost "a lot" but does he REALLY know? A lot of the standard/cheaper insurance companies won't even touch modified cars, you need specialist ones and they charge a lot more.

Thebreakfastclub2023 · 22/03/2023 05:26

My son passed his test 6 months after turning 17 years old depends how motivated they are. Thankfully, he is a considerate driver (from what I observe). If a new driver gets 6 points in the first two years after passing they will be banned and have their license taken off him anyway. Not much more you can do at the moment when he passes and if you still think he is a danger to others because of his attitude you can ring the police when you think an offence is going to be committed for example if he is going speed racing in public highways etc? I think you not supporting him financially or in any other way to help him get his boy racer car ready is correct. I hope his attitude to risky driving and how bad it could turn out for him and others improves 🤞

LakeTiticaca · 22/03/2023 07:27

I understand your concerns but unless hes the CEO of a large corporation he won't be able to afford the insurance, even if he finds a company willing to actually take him on.

user1471505356 · 22/03/2023 07:51

I hope the practicalities of learning to drive over some months will influence him to be a sensi__ble driver I would encourage rather than obstruct him.

Shade17 · 22/03/2023 07:56

Get him onto an IAM course as soon as he passes his test. Young lads to tend to drive quickly. My (police driver) father’s view was that if I’m going to drive quickly then let’s at least make sure I have above average driving skills from the get go.

QuillBill · 22/03/2023 07:57

Does he have any idea how much the insurance is going to be? Astronomical.

You could get some quotes yourself (not to tell him - just for your own peace of mind).

rwalker · 22/03/2023 08:04

Run him through quotes with and without black box and also with and without declared mod

Undeclared mods invalidate insurance so he would get point and inevitability loose his license and this would have an effect on his insurance for years

one of ours took forever to passed there testing meaning few years older and had a licence for 3 years the insurance dropped by a 1/3 factoring these in so delaying him might be a home goal

Billybagpuss · 22/03/2023 08:09

With the attitude he’s got he won’t keep his licence for very long after he gets it. As a pp said you lose it after 6 points within the first 2 years. Let’s just hope it’s accident free.

Northernsouloldies · 22/03/2023 08:52

The not wanting a black box plus modification of a car just screams he's going to be a menace on the road. Lots of youngsters end up dead because their mate driving took one chance too many.

Nucon · 22/03/2023 09:03

It terrifies me how many young people have the same attitude. I was hit by a young guy last year, he was doing 90 in a 50 showing off to his mates who were driving behind him. He came straight out of a side road without stopping. He hit me so hard my car ended up upside down in a field and I was trapped inside it. I had some horrific injuries and have had 8 months of physio and am still having counseling for the mental toll it's taken on me. It makes me so angry now when I see people driving recklessly as none of them ever take a second to think what they could be inflicting on someone else. He was pretty much unscathed, he got himself out of his car and had minimal injuries, I was the one who took the brunt of it when I was minding my own business. Hopefully your son never ends up doing similar or worse to someone else

Thebreakfastclub2023 · 22/03/2023 09:11

@nucon I hope he’s been sent to prison for this they are suppose to be toughening custodial sentences for driving offences.

Yellowdays · 22/03/2023 09:22

I do agree make him pay for everything, as I've found with my young adults that they truly value more highly the things which cost them and not you, especially when they know that you won't bail them out of any stupidly.

Minfilia · 22/03/2023 09:24

Thebreakfastclub2023 · 22/03/2023 09:11

@nucon I hope he’s been sent to prison for this they are suppose to be toughening custodial sentences for driving offences.

The driver who fell asleep at the wheel and broke my friends neck, leg, shoulder, arm and ribs got away scot free so I doubt the police will ever give a shit about people causing serious accidents unless they’re off their face on drugs or alcohol. His insurance had a hefty payout to make though.

OP if this was my child I would just ban any inappropriate vehicles and would tell him he needs black box insurance or he doesn’t drive. If he doesn’t want to follow that rule then he can move out.

Fortunately my teens are sensible and cautious but I don’t think you can teach that. He’d have to have something horrible happen for him to learn, so you have to do what you can to stop the horrible thing happening in the first place.

and tell him that he sounds like an immature fucking idiot when he talks like that about driving

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