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Original poster

9 year old, 7 year old and a newborn? Can anyone tell me how this age gap would be please?

47 replies

ItalyBound · 21/03/2023 16:59

I have a 9 and a 6 (nearly 7 year old). I’m considering trying for another baby and would love to hear from others who have similar age gaps. What’s it like? What are the relationships like between the older children and their younger sibling? Is it hard to entertain all children/plan family days out etc?

Thanks :)

OP posts:
Summerishere123 · 21/03/2023 17:04

This was pretty much me and my sisters. I was the middle child. Relationship wise, I got on better with my younger sister. As adults we are all about the same.
The biggest issues were family days out and holidays. Finding activities that work for everyone is hard. There is often someone who has to sit alone on a ride with families of 5. Cars need to be bigger etc.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 17:05

My youngest were 9, 8 and 6 when ds arrived. He was then and still is an adored sibling.. Ds is now 8 and very close still with them. He has tagged along happily on whatever days our we have done as a family.. Never been an issue having a gap. Bit of a daredevil now too! A very happy confident lad!
No regrets at all.

LarryStylinson · 21/03/2023 17:07

Im the oldest of this age gap. Always been close to middle sibling but didn't really bond with youngest until they were a teen and wanted me to drive them places 😂.
It was a bit crap for family days out/holidays when they were smaller too as they needed entertaining so was more geared to their needs always.

Interested in this thread?

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7 year olds 9 year olds Families
MuffinToSeeHere · 21/03/2023 17:09

It would be a complete nightmare in terms of family holidays and days out once past the baby stage. The older two are of an age where the trips they want to go on and the places that would entertain them are not at all suitable or enjoyable for a toddler.

You'll end up having the big 2 with one parent and then 1 person with the baby.

Relationship wise they may enjoy having a little sibling for a while but the novelty would likely soon wear off when the baby was a nosey preschooler.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 21/03/2023 17:13

Difficult in terms of holidays/activities/finding ways to spend time with each other all doing the same thing. Tricky at the weekend when teens need driven to clubs and sporting activities all over the place and wee one just wants to go to the park.

Tricky for you when your older kids gain their independence and suddenly all your tier 1 and 2 mum friends are revelling in not having to arrange babysitters. There's a sense of freedom that's been snatched away from you sometimes I think. And if you're thinking uni for all three, that's a lot of extra years you're going to be working to fund it...

On the plus side, lovely relationships and an adored baby sib. And no empty nest syndrome for a while.

CatherinedeBourgh · 21/03/2023 17:16

I was the 7 yo (well, 8) in this situation.

TBH it didn't really work out. We didn't have a relationship with the younger ones, never did anything as a family if we could avoid it (everything had to be geared to the little ones' needs).

The older ones felt that the younger one's needs always came first and ours were not seen to, the younger felt the same.

As adults we have no contact to speak of.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 17:18

Very sad seeing all the negative comments... Ds has more patience than dc his age. He was watching films at the cinema perfectly at 2... He is very academic.. Reading age of 20 at 8yo. No resentment from any of us having him around..

Whatames · 21/03/2023 17:21

I have 4. 9,7, 3 and 6 weeks. The older two are amazing with the baby and dote on her. It’s been organisationally more difficult getting used to milk and nappies again, although we have a 3 year old so not such a big gap. I found 2 to 3 an easy transistion.

RampantIvy · 21/03/2023 17:24

It would be a complete nightmare in terms of family holidays and days out once past the baby stage. The older two are of an age where the trips they want to go on and the places that would entertain them are not at all suitable or enjoyable for a toddler.

I have a friend whose DC had a similar age gap. She found it quite difficult to tailor outings that would appeal to both of them as one was always bored and fractious.

Why would you want to go back to the sleepless nights and nappy stage anyway? Confused

Original poster
ItalyBound · 21/03/2023 17:29

Why would you want to go back to the sleepless nights and nappy stage anyway?

I know lots of people feel that way… but I absolutely adored that stage.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 21/03/2023 17:37

You might not adore going through the teenage stage x 3.
There is a reason that very few parents of teenagers post on here asking whether they should have another baby.
Teenagers need you so much more on an emotional level than primary age children and younger. A kiss and a cuddle doesn't make things better.

The expense x 3
Friendship issues x 3
Bullying x 3
Relationship break ups x 3
GCSEs x 3
A levels x 3
UCAS x 3

And the big expense of supporting through university x 3

Mumof1andacat · 21/03/2023 17:37

I have a just turned 10yr old. No way would I go back to baby stages. It's expensive and then there's a toddler to deal with and the whole starting school thing again. Childcare is so expensive now aswell.

Toloveandtowork · 21/03/2023 17:45

If you do it, by the time the newborn has grown up, you'll have spent close to 30 years intensely looking after someone else, putting yourself on the back burner.
Depends if you like that kind of thing or not.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 21/03/2023 17:56

I have had dc in my teen's, 20's, 30's and 40's! Been quite eye opening seeing the different opinions I have been given (unrequested!) along the way...
When my youngest was born pfb was 25!
Ds 20 was once assumed to be the df! He was mortified as he was trying to catch the eye of a nurse at the time!

reluctantbrit · 21/03/2023 18:04

Friends have this. DD2 was a surprise unplanned.

They do have a great relationship, DD1 (8 years, nearly 9 years older) is quite responsible for the younger one as a babysitter (paid though) and it's lovely to see them.

But - the parents also work hard not to rely on the older ones too much, they have to split days out and do say it's difficult to have a holiday which caters now for a 16 year old and a 7 year old. It works good when there is another teen as a guest in the mix.

On the other side, my sister is 8 years older and we never really had a big relationship. It doesn't help that we are totally opposits personality wise, have very different ideas how we live our lives.

USaYwHatNow · 21/03/2023 18:06

I'm the eldest, was 10 when sister arrived and brother was 7. Not much of a relationship when we were younger as nothing in common due to age gap, however now we're all really close ❤️

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 21/03/2023 18:08

ItalyBound · 21/03/2023 17:29

Why would you want to go back to the sleepless nights and nappy stage anyway?

I know lots of people feel that way… but I absolutely adored that stage.

Couldn’t you get a job looking after small babies? Rather than inflicting it on your existing children?

Simonjt · 21/03/2023 18:08

We have an almost eight year old and a toddler (under 2), so far it works very well. My son is old enough to not be jealous, he can independently bathe etc, he is at school so we could really focus on our daughter (and sleep) during adoption leave. She is very portable, so she can either attend his activities, or one of us stays at home with her.

MrsWombat · 21/03/2023 18:49

Eldest was nearly 7 when the youngest was born. Now nearly 15 and 8. It worked out absolutely fine, but I won't be going for number 3 as I can smell my freedom. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Tumbleweed101 · 21/03/2023 18:59

Had a 9yr gap between my eldest daughter and youngest daughter. My eldest adored her until she reached about five and she was a teen. (I also had an 11yo and 3yo when youngest was born).

Personally I started finding it tough when eldest two became adults and I still had to do all the school stuff. I'm more than ready to just have adult children now and the final few school years seem never-ending.

lalaloopyhead · 21/03/2023 18:59

Pretty much the age gap of my 3. It's been fine...when baby was born the older girls doted on her. When dd3 was small older one still young enough to go to farm parks etc but more difficult to align activities as they got older. Obviously with any 3 kids you need to consider car size and extra cost of activities and holidays.
Older two are now adults and away at Uni/left home so dd3 who is now 15 is like an only child. They get on reasonably well but two older girls are definitely closer.

ourflagmeansdeath · 21/03/2023 19:03

This reminds me of the A Series of Unfortunate Events siblings 😁Violet is 14, Klaus is 12 and Sunny is a little baby!! They have a good relationship but obviously a book series plus TV adaptation not real life.

Also my children are 19, 14 and 5. So the older too are a little closer. I'd say it works quite well because every child has a certain relationship, the two older ones are absolutely in love with their little sister and she adores them back. And then my other daughter and son are close in a teenage kids way so everyone has a bond. I am really sad for when both my children will have left home/at uni and my daughter will be basically an only child so there's that to consider I suppose.

puffinpetra · 21/03/2023 19:06

Tricky trying to find things that will work for the eldest and youngest. Family days out and holidays may well be a divide and conquer situation - your partner will do something with the older ones and you do something with the baby or vice versa. There's 10 years between my dc and it's hard in many ways but it does have its benefits. I wouldn't worry. Families come in all shapes, sizes and dynamics.

Chocolateteabag · 21/03/2023 19:09

Whatames · 21/03/2023 17:21

I have 4. 9,7, 3 and 6 weeks. The older two are amazing with the baby and dote on her. It’s been organisationally more difficult getting used to milk and nappies again, although we have a 3 year old so not such a big gap. I found 2 to 3 an easy transistion.

@Whatames - your are my mum!
I'm the eldest of 4 with this age split and yes growing up I was a second mum at times to my little sister, but once she got to teenager years we started actually being friends

Yes I didn't get to do some things as it was hard with a baby/toddler in tow, but my parents did their best and we learnt not to be selfish

And now all four of us a pretty close (which is rare but we've seen too many family rifts and made a pact to not let it happen to us)

If you can afford it, go for it OP

Orcubed · 21/03/2023 19:18

I had 10,8 and newborn. It was fantastic when dc 3 was a baby as the older two were old enough to get themselves dressed, make drinks and breakfast etc and dc3 was too young to care about being dragged around to older dc activities!

Got harder when I had teenagers and a toddler (and another newborn). I do worry a bit that dc1&2 have missed out on some things eg more exciting days out and it really is true that they need you more as they become teenagers. They were relatively independent in the last couple of years of primary school but have needed a lot more emotional support through their teens and sometimes I think I’ve been too busy tending to the physical needs of younger ones to give them what they need. They say their siblings are worth it though. It’s getting easier again now that they are later teens and dc4 is preschool age.