Can I stop this woman seeing/talking to my child?

[MalamutePup]

DC's biological father has no contact with DC (his choice not mine) but his gf has decided she wants to have contact when he's not there. He won't allow contact if he's present as that would mean he has to have contact, which he does not want, so arranging proper evening/weekend contact is not possible.

DC(14) has skipped school and gone to her house and she has phoned in sick for DC, she has bought DC vapes and WKD, allowed DC and DC's friends round her house during the school day whilst DC is bunking and has encouraged DC to lie and hide their relationship, hide DCs discord account from me etc. I think this is out of wanting to be cool step mum rather than anything more sinister but DC has serious MH issues and SEN so is more vulnerable than most 14 year olds and sees things as very black and white, so if its OK to lie to me about that, bunk off there etc DC thinks it's OK to do that with other people too, which makes it hard for me to keep them safe.

I have explained this to the gf and asked her to back off but she says she will continue to allow DC to her house as and when she sees fit and that it's not my business who DC talks to and when.

Is there anything I can do?

It is unacceptable that she’s encouraging your child to miss school; for that alone she’s a bad influence. The buying alcohol and vapes is wildly inappropriate for an underage child who isn’t even hers. It sounds just like grooming; I wonder if she thinks she can get your child to hang out with her ‘cool’ older friends…

Report this to the school, stop your child seeing this woman and maybe tell your partner? I know he has nothing to do with DC but he’s still their Dad and maybe he doesn’t know this is going on. Maybe he would tell her off and that would help stop it. The police could be worth talking to (if they have time). She’s not your child’s parent or guardian so shouldn’t be buying intoxicants for minors. Plus it’s probably grooming and also encouraging truancy. That’s three offences.

i wouldn't encourage or allow a relationship with this woman at all. there's lots you can do - police and social services (latter probably more likely to be concerned if she has her own children). she is giving alcohol and vapes to a minor who does not know her and is no relation. no good can come of this whatsoever and you are right to be concerned. it makes no sense that she would want a relationship with her partner's children when her partner doesn't want any relationship. her intentions could well be entirely nefarious and better to assume they are rather than giving her the benefit of the doubt. at best this is just weird. she has acted entirely against your child's best interests and undermining you as a parent. if the "father" has parental responsibility look into getting that removed. school sounds negligent in listening to this complete random woman who has no right to make any contact with the school about your child whatsoever.

You could also apply to the court for a prohibited steps order to stop this woman being around your child.

Thanks all. I have contacted the police on the online non-emergency report thing. I think I just needed a little reassuring I wasn't wasting anyones time.

What a strange comment. It's not lovely at all.

@MalamutePup, no definitely not. You’re being a good Mum. Of course your child won’t listen to you, that’s normal for a teen. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong though. It’s also suspect that the gf is brushing you off and saying you can’t say your daughter can’t hang out with her. If she really cared, I think she’d respect you as her mother. Or she would at least reassure you. There’s something odd going on I think.

You sound like you're still minimising this. You are being far too polite and gentle. This is your child who has been put at risk by a stranger who is IGNORING you, the parents wishes!!

She is not a step mum, she is a random woman. Take away the relationship with her non existent father and she’s just a 26 year old stranger who is supplying your child with vapes and alcohol and covering for them not to go to school. Make a big thing of this.

Ok- so everyone on here is being extreme. This is a very bad situation. I am going to make a leap here and suggest you are in a city ? I am going to suggest that though the father will having nothing to do with the child , that means no money to you, but acknowledging each other? Do you still keep in contact with the father ? Have other children by him? You need to talk more about the relationship. It's clear from reading the posts your child is being groomed. Do you actually understand what this means? ( I mean this kindly) .
Do you have a good relationship with the school? Make one if not. Are there community programs? Have you gone to the police with her name? She could have a track record of child exploitation.
It might seem a leap to come on a message board and write your problems but I respectively think you need to do more for your child. But one step at a time ..

It sounds like she’s trying to impress her partner’s family by encouraging the child to like her and to want to be around her. She sounds immature.

You have definitely done the right thing in calling the police. Vapes and alcohol - that’s awful!

Does the girlfriend work ?

How does this make any difference / how is it relevant?

What a weird woman. She wants to have contact with her boyfriends kid when the boyfriend doesnt? Definitely did the right thing contacting the police and I would not think she is of sound mind at all. She needs to back off and find herself another hobby. I would be VERY wary of a woman her age wanting to spend time with a child like that. Grooming is a word that comes to mind. What a strange woman.

Oh lord, try everything you can think off: school, police, social services, everything!
Gather evidence that she is a bad influence on your DS and show it to them.