Can I stop this woman seeing/talking to my child?

[MalamutePup]

DC's biological father has no contact with DC (his choice not mine) but his gf has decided she wants to have contact when he's not there. He won't allow contact if he's present as that would mean he has to have contact, which he does not want, so arranging proper evening/weekend contact is not possible.

DC(14) has skipped school and gone to her house and she has phoned in sick for DC, she has bought DC vapes and WKD, allowed DC and DC's friends round her house during the school day whilst DC is bunking and has encouraged DC to lie and hide their relationship, hide DCs discord account from me etc. I think this is out of wanting to be cool step mum rather than anything more sinister but DC has serious MH issues and SEN so is more vulnerable than most 14 year olds and sees things as very black and white, so if its OK to lie to me about that, bunk off there etc DC thinks it's OK to do that with other people too, which makes it hard for me to keep them safe.

I have explained this to the gf and asked her to back off but she says she will continue to allow DC to her house as and when she sees fit and that it's not my business who DC talks to and when.

Is there anything I can do?

I agree with contacting the police. It sounds like a county lines-type situation to me, especially as your son is vulnerable due to his mental health.

@D0t I tried. But he wants literally nothing to do with his child, as in has no contact, doesn't ask how they are if we bump into each other. Nothing.

Police. She might as well be a stranger. She has no connection to your child

I'm astounded the school haven't taken this more seriously tbh. There's red flags all over the place! I'd contact the police and/or social services (as this highly inappropriate contact is happening at DCs father's house).

If the genders were reversed I bet you would have already contacted the police wouldn't you?

This.

Did you ask them for advice?

The school should make a referral to SS but their hands are tied if SS says it doesn't meet threshold.

I would definitely contact Police and report it to them though. If your DC stays at this woman's house when bunking off I think you could ask for a welfare check based on the fact she supplies alcohol and your DC is vulnerable.

How does your daughter even know about her if she doesn’t have contact with her dad?

It is lovely that this woman wants to have contact but she is going about it in the completely wrong way.

I would speak to this woman and tell her that you don’t mind them having a relationship but the woman has to be a good role model and if she isn’t then you’ll have no choice but to stop it.

I would also explain the situation to school and make sure that it is only you that is allowed to pick her up and that they ring you to double check if she’s off school or gone home early.

Police. If the child’s father has nothing to do with them the girlfriend has no business being their friend.
Its sinister, no sensible decent adult would choose to spend days with a fourteen year old let alone allow, and participate in the behaviour you describe. It’s grooming and I find it scary that the school are not making a bigger deal. The police will be very clear with this girlfriend that this is grooming. Are you able to move towns-it might be the only way to get your child away.

Yes exactly this and mention it when reporting. Don’t be fobbed off. I’d also encourage other parents of your DCs friends to report their concerns.

If his dad doesn’t see him how on earth did he foster a relationship with this woman?

It is lovely that this woman wants to have contact but she is going about it in the completely wrong

In what way is it lovely? She was a complete stranger to this child, linked only by a man who has no interest in the child. It's not as if he's told her what a fantastic daughter he has, and that they would have a great relationship.

I can't think of one single good reason she would want to be involved in this child's life.

She is nothing more than a random on the street.

Why is the school allowing her to report the absence? That’s no different from your child’s friend ringing the school to say “xxx won’t be coming today because he’s ill”. I’d be speaking to the school that any absence reported by her is an unauthorised absence.

Every time your child is not at school call the Police to report them missing and advise that they are probably at this person’s house. They can issue harbouring notices as mentioned up thread.

Speak to school again and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead. Reiterate that this person has no parental responsibility and that school need to contact you any time she makes contact and that your DC is not to be released to this person in any circumstances.

Tell them that you are concerned about grooming and county lines. This person has been with the child’s father for a year and wants involvement? Nope. When you said it was quite nice that she wanted to see your child I assumed that they had been involved in their upbringing and didn’t want to lose that bond. But it’s the complete opposite of that.

I agree with police. They can check the background of the gf too, see if there have been other worries about her.

I agree with everyone here that this is seriously disturbing and that you should involve the Police. Your child is particularly vulnerable, because of the SEN and mental ill health. A grown adult giving them vapes and alcohol is certainly a criminal offence.

Have you read the thread? It's not lovely. The woman is grooming her.

@Cocobutt because exs parents do still have contact and introduced them.

@MyMumIsOnMN she was referring to herself as step mum and school took her word for it, they know better now but only coz I found out and phoned them.

I work in safeguarding and I would say call the police; they have various powers to intervene. It does sound like grooming

@Bunnyhascovidnoteggs yes, thinking about it you're right, I probably would have done. I can't even explain why her being a woman made me hesitate.

I presume the gf doesn't live with your ex?
What does he and the grandparents think of the gf inviting them round like this?

This is a safeguarding issue. And phoning in say your DC is ill is unacceptable. I would let school know.

Police. She is a trouble maker, could be wanting to be a cool stepmum, or, if she's as immature as she sounds she could be getting a kick out of causing drama with you, her partner's ex out of jealousy. Some people are really that bored.

She is not a step parent, she needs a polite warning.

Police! Hopefully they won't be polite either!

Absolutely call the police and ask about a child harbouring notice