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Original poster

Would you be disappointed if your engagement wasn’t a surprise?

49 replies

diyitall · 19/03/2023 21:04

NC for this in case she sees the post and recognises it’s me! Settling a debate between myself and a friend.

To be fair to her you do see all these perfect surprise proposals these days… would you be upset if you knew when yours was going to occur or if it wasn’t in an overly romantic setting? Honest answers only :)

OP posts:
Huckleberries73 · 19/03/2023 21:06

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Albertus · 19/03/2023 21:06

I knew we would get married and engaged in the next year or two as we had discussed it but didn’t know anything about the proposal and totally forgot about it, then when it happened in the most romantic setting it took me by surprise and was amazing!

I think a romantic surprise somewhere really special is the best way! With a huge sparkly diamond.

Huckleberries73 · 19/03/2023 21:07

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Albertus · 19/03/2023 21:08

Some people are quite miserable about these things but I think old fashioned romance is the best way. Make a fabulous memory for all the lovely years to follow!

Merrow · 19/03/2023 21:08

My proposal occurred after a drunken night out and I had to check in the morning it was actually sincere. I like that it was unexpected and not in public, and the honesty was romantic!

WordtoYoMumma · 19/03/2023 21:08

I find it odd that a proposal could come out of the blue. Why would someone propose if they have no idea if it's what the other person wants?

Bluelightbaby · 19/03/2023 21:08

We’ve discussed it and know we both want to get married. We’re going ring shopping next week and then he’ll propose at a time if his choosing - that’s his choice I’d just be happy with the ring and a chat lol

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/03/2023 21:09

Albertus · 19/03/2023 21:08

Some people are quite miserable about these things but I think old fashioned romance is the best way. Make a fabulous memory for all the lovely years to follow!

We have a fabulous memory. Of deciding together to get married. It was romantic and mutual and very special.

Huckleberries73 · 19/03/2023 21:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Leafblow · 19/03/2023 21:13

No I would have hated not to know. We talked about it a few times and technically my partner "asked me" while we were chatting over the washing up, because thats what he felt at the time
He did like a chill but nice proposal with a ring a week or so later while we were on a walk to ask me 'properly'
But he know me well, a big romantic thing or a big surprise wouldn't fit us.

BotterMon · 19/03/2023 21:21

No. Surely it's something that you discuss and plan together. (I've done the marriage thing twice and both times were consensual adult discussions - no awful 'planned' surprise)

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 19/03/2023 21:23

It was me who proposed to DH, and I doubt if he thought it was especially romantic as he was wrestling with a car engine at the time.

Happily married for well over 30 years though.

tinselvestsparklepants · 19/03/2023 21:45

We had a chat. It was very matter of fact. The only person who got the "on one knee" thing was my dad when my DH asked him if he'd be his father in law! It's my favourite memory of the whole thing. Telling others was a lovely surprise- but it was nice for our moment to have been a mutual agreement.

thedogsmum · 19/03/2023 21:46

If you've agreed to get married why do you need a proposal - it's already been decided, the question doesn't need to he put or answered.

I find it weird and fake - woman I know announced a couple of years ago that she was going to get married in x months, they'd picked the ring but waiting till he proposed to wear it. Just wanted a good engagement story to tell, which she did - romantic setting, such a surprise!

If you want to role play traditional engagement go ahead, but don't bring the rest of us into it as an audience.

BooksAndHooks · 19/03/2023 21:46

Ours wasn’t a surprise, I hate surprises and was in an unromantic setting due to bad weather. Neither bothered me.

GlobetrottingPercy · 19/03/2023 21:48

No, I knew mine was coming because we had discussed whether we wanted to get married and had an adult conversation. I wouldn’t want to be putting my life on hold waiting for someone else to make major decisions for me (like whether they married me or not).

ParkrunPlodder · 19/03/2023 21:48

Albertus · 19/03/2023 21:08

Some people are quite miserable about these things but I think old fashioned romance is the best way. Make a fabulous memory for all the lovely years to follow!

There is nothing romantic about the roots of this tradition! It was a woman passing from the property of one man (her father) to another man (her husband to be!) I’m all for a bit of romance but find none of these surprise engagements. Two people mutually agreeing to get married is the most romantic option to me.

Pestispeeved · 19/03/2023 21:58

I'd be bloody pissed off if it was a surprise.
We agreed to get married by mutual consent after a conversation about our future.
What was fun and romantic was that about two weeks later, we are in local big town and DP suddenly announce we might have to let other people know and dragged me into a jewellers. We chose two very sensible rings, came home and told everyone. It wasn't a surprise, it was romantic.
At the end of the day, you have to do what suits the two of you. Eyes wide open.

Eyerollcentral · 19/03/2023 22:03

Most of the ‘surprise’ proposals are nothing of the sort. The woman knows it’s happening, a lot are for social media, but the nails are always done!!!

bakewellbride · 19/03/2023 22:06

I think it's more complex than 'surprise' or 'not a surprise'.

Mine was technically not a surprise but only because we'd vaguely discussed marriage in the early days of dating... but then never mentioned again and a proposal a few years later... so in many ways it WAS a huge surprise. I definitely felt incredibly surprised at the time he popped the question!

I'd think it's quite rare these days for a proposal to be a total 100% surprise - marriage never even vaguely ever mentioned beforehand. However, should all 'non-surprise' proposals be categorised as that? I don't think so as some couples literally discuss it, she tells him what kind of ring to buy and then he does it. That's 'no surprise' too but obviously a completely different thing! Literally zero surprise element there!

What I'm trying to say is it's not as black and white as 'surprise' vs. 'No surprise'.

Albertus · 19/03/2023 22:12

Of course like I said we had discussed that we would get engaged in the next couple of years but I had no idea when the proposal would be and wasn’t sitting around waiting for it so when it came it was a complete surprise to me and I loved it!

It doesn’t put all the power in the mans hand at all because women are quite at liberty to propose too!

I just love romance and the fairytale proposal but not everyone does! It also doesn’t make you a weak woman waiting around on a man to save you. Yes independent women with their own careers and financial independence can enjoy fairytale romance too 😀

Mushroo · 19/03/2023 22:18

An engagement should never be a surprise.

The proposal can be, and I think a low key one can be really sweet and lovely. I know lots of couples who got proposed to over a picnic in the park, after completing a hike together etc.

I do firmly believe though the couple should have talked about marriage and be on the same page before that though!

bizzywiththefizzy · 19/03/2023 22:20

Personally I think a couple know when they are on the same page, so I don't think proposals come out of the blue . Hopes for a cheesy romantic proposal are usually one sided and not based on reality .

Templebreedy · 19/03/2023 22:22

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Hear hear. I would have known my partner had been replaced by an alien lookalike if he’d staged that kind of anachronistic, sexist crap. That or he hadn’t the faintest idea who I was.

Each to their own thing, obviously, but that kind of ‘sparkler/bent knee/beauty spot/hot air balloon over the Eiffel Tower/scoreboard at major sport event schtick suggests terrible things about both parties to me.

ItsSuchACryingShame · 19/03/2023 22:32

I’d have hated a surprised.

It makes me cringe when there is a ‘surprise proposal’ on tv. I just think ‘poor woman, what if she actually wants to say no but can’t in front of all these people watching?’ Nothing romantic about that at all!