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Original poster

Can you tell who has deleted you on Facebook (and when?)

55 replies

polka6 · 19/03/2023 19:53

Social media can be so odd.. in that it can have a negative impact on your mental state unexpectedly.

Just noticed someone I was once friends with has clearly unfriended me. I have no idea when or why. We still have a lot of mutual friends. No hard feelings - we were colleagues some years ago and have both moved away from where we worked. This is the kind of thing I used SM for - staying in touch virtually with people that you were once close to but life has meant you've taken separate paths. Oddly found it hurtful that I've been axed but some others from this "era" /workplace have not.

I noticed something similar with someone else recently. I didn't know I'd been unfriended. They were tagged in photo uploaded by a mutual friend. Clicked on them, noticed we are no longer FB friends.

I don't delete people (neither do I add to be honest). So it seems a shame that people have added and deleted me. Which made me wonder who else may have done this... is there a way to find out? I think you used to be able to "view friendship"

OP posts:
Christmascracker0 · 19/03/2023 19:55

No there’s no way of finding out. Please try not to take it too personally! I personally delete/unfollow people quite often, I have no interest in seeing what someone I haven’t seen in years is up to.

RocketIceLollie · 19/03/2023 19:55

Times change people change. I remember this sort of feeling though when I was on Facebook when someone you used to know deletes you. I have got rid of my fb though when I figured out you could keep messenger without fb.

Original poster
polka6 · 19/03/2023 20:00

thanks @Christmascracker0 . Its so odd how this does affect me and I cant seem to help it.

Im not particularly active on SM but both of these people I remember have "engaged" with my posts so it does feel hurtful that they must have actively gone on my account and decided to remove me. Seems so strange to me.

OP posts:
OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 19/03/2023 20:04

I don't think you can find out. I've occasionally noticed that I've been unfriended but it doesn't bother me. I do it too. For example recently I've taken a load of former colleagues off. I've been gone from there for over 3 years now so if I've not had meaningful interaction with them in that time then I've taken them off. I want my FB for people I know and care about rather than every person in every department I've ever worked in.

Coffeellama · 19/03/2023 20:05

I wouldn’t take it to heart, it’s not an insult. Mine is private and I don’t use it very often but occasionally put bits up about the kids for distant relatives, so I delete people every so often that I don’t really no anymore. I actually deleted an old colleague yesterday, they don’t post very often but popped a post up and when I saw it I couldn’t remember how I new them for a few minutes, then realised I hadn’t seen them in over 10 years and never would again, so removed them. We don’t need to be looking at pictures of each others kids. I’ve had this happen to me several times too, it’s just moving on with life.

bloodywhitecat · 19/03/2023 20:05

I have an extension on Chrome called Social Fixer that alerts me when a friendship changes so it does tell me when someone unfriends me.

ThreeRingCircus · 19/03/2023 20:06

Christmascracker0 · 19/03/2023 19:55

No there’s no way of finding out. Please try not to take it too personally! I personally delete/unfollow people quite often, I have no interest in seeing what someone I haven’t seen in years is up to.

I agree with this. I too, delete people reasonably often. It's absolutely no hard feelings and I wish them well but if I haven't spoken to them in years and our paths are unlikely to cross again then I remove them. I keep my social media quite locked down so there's no need for "Brenda I worked with years ago" to see photos of my DC.

LaviniasBigBloomers · 19/03/2023 20:07

It's really funny that I often unfriend people, then get a bit irked if I get unfriended by others in turn...

But I do regularly weed out old colleagues, clients that friend requested me and it didn't seem politic to not respond, people that I suddenly realise I've not heard from in 10 years so why am I letting them know my business...

For me, a lot of it was that I used to post a lot, so I would unfriend people who didn't post at all because it felt one sided. Now I barely post, but I still get rid of people quite frequently. It's not personal, it's just privacy.

Ihatethenewlook · 19/03/2023 20:09

I delete people when I find their posts irritating tbh. I’ve deleted a few within last few weeks. One has had a massive political rant pretty much daily since the beginning of brexit. He was a good online friend for years, but every one of his posts annoys me now. I put him on a 30 day snooze about ten times, but every time he popped back up he was still just as annoying. Another one keeps writing posts to people from her pet cat, pretending the cat is writing them, she refers to herself as mummy. She had to go. I know she’s the type to monitor daily whether anyone has blocked her or not as well. I’m pretty sure she’d have written a status about me by now. Another one is unbearably attention seeking. She pretends she can see ghosts, writes statuses about how her dead nanny has just visited her. Absolutely loves taking hospital selfies for minor health concerns. I once knew her to tag herself at the local prison. She actually didn’t answer people’s posts (for once) about was she ok and what was going on. She only tagged herself there because she was going past it on the bus and had the opportunity to say (pretend) she was there 🙄

ihatethecold · 19/03/2023 20:17

bloodywhitecat · 19/03/2023 20:05

I have an extension on Chrome called Social Fixer that alerts me when a friendship changes so it does tell me when someone unfriends me.

Why do you care enough to do this?
genuine question?

QueSyrahSyrah · 19/03/2023 20:21

I reasonably often go through and delete people I've not been interacting with, old colleagues, friends of friends, people I met on holiday etc.

I find it bizarre that some people either realise and immediately send a new friend request (or worse, a message asking why!) or I must come up in their 'people you may know' list again and they send one from there.

We worked together 15 years ago and haven't spoken since, why on earth would we be mutually interested in each others holiday snaps?

bloodywhitecat · 19/03/2023 20:22

ihatethecold · 19/03/2023 20:17

Why do you care enough to do this?
genuine question?

Show quote history

I don't, I use social fixer because it allows me to see the most recent posts first rather than the way I see it when I use a different browser that doesn't support the extension, I got sick of seeing the same post at the top of the page and not seeing more recent posts so did some research and SF was an option. The 'friend manager' is just a feature that comes with the extension.

Gablonz · 19/03/2023 21:13

You can only tell if someone has deleted you if you look at their profile and see you aren't friends any more.
Don't take it to heart though - some people have regular "clean ups" of social media and just delete people. That might be because they just want to see fewer people in their feed, they don't feel a connection with Gary from accounts from 15 years ago, they aren't interested in the type of thing someone is posting, etcetc.
The only one that has ever hurt me is a cousin who has deleted me. She's had a falling out with her siblings and for some reason I was deleted too, along with all the siblings, even though I had nothing to do with the situation. I found it upsetting.

ihatethecold · 19/03/2023 21:23

bloodywhitecat · 19/03/2023 20:22

I don't, I use social fixer because it allows me to see the most recent posts first rather than the way I see it when I use a different browser that doesn't support the extension, I got sick of seeing the same post at the top of the page and not seeing more recent posts so did some research and SF was an option. The 'friend manager' is just a feature that comes with the extension.

Show quote history

Clever.
thanks

Cas112 · 19/03/2023 22:47

Maybe it's a new account or fairly new

I locked myself out of my old one and couldn't remember my password had to make a new one and there are probably so many people I haven't added that I had on old account. Was to hard work trying to add everyone.. that or maybe they want to make there account more private which they are totally entitled to do

DrMarciaFieldstone · 19/03/2023 22:53

I delete people that I don’t really hang any ongoing relationship with. It’s not personal, but if I’m not actively friends with someone now (and have moved away from them, as is the case of many), then I don’t really want them seeing pictures of my kids, as they’re effectively strangers to them.

newname2022 · 19/03/2023 23:01

People are a lot more conscious and wary now of what they post and who can see their posts. I did a big cull a couple of years ago as I post the occasional pic of my kids, so wanted to make mine more private

TokenGinger · 20/03/2023 02:09

polka6 · 19/03/2023 20:00

thanks @Christmascracker0 . Its so odd how this does affect me and I cant seem to help it.

Im not particularly active on SM but both of these people I remember have "engaged" with my posts so it does feel hurtful that they must have actively gone on my account and decided to remove me. Seems so strange to me.

It may not be a case of actively searching out your account to delete you. They may have gone through their friends' list and just had a clear out. There could be a multitude of reasons why. I had a friend who had left an abusive relationship and deleted any mutual friends they had with their ex as they didn't want anything being fed back. Another deleted all work colleagues (and anybody associated with them / ie old work colleagues) when somebody told on them at work for being online during work hours.

Phoebo · 20/03/2023 02:19

Don't take it personally at all, it doenst mean anything anymore (deleting people)

Original poster
polka6 · 20/03/2023 08:22

Interesting, thanks everyone.

I guess the hurt comes from a place of... still being interested in their life. Its people I liked and cared about. Not to the degree that I could message them but equally not to the degree of being strangers. I suppose being connected on SM felt about right. If we happened to need to work together again, I'm certain we'd get on great again. That sort of relationship/ loose friendship.

What also irks me is on the rare occasion that I do add someone (eg noticing your not friends with your friends DH etc) then months go by and you dont think about it until..... you get a friend notification from them, what?! Did they decline it then some time later, add you? So odd. Why do people do this.

OP posts:
Xrays · 20/03/2023 08:28

I delete people for all sorts of reasons. I deleted someone the other day because if I passed them on the street I wouldn’t say hello to them - that’s generally my lowest bar for having someone on my fb (I only have about 50 people on there as it is). So despite us once working together if I wouldn’t stop and chat to them in the street then off they go. I also delete people because their either post every single photo of their kids / life constantly which makes my whole feed feel like I’m just flicking through their photo album or because they’re posting political / charity stuff. I don’t want to see that in my feed. If I am friends with someone it’s generally because we have the same views so I don’t want to be hit in the face with rants about politics or anything serious when I go onto social media. I’ve got other outlets for that. Not sure if any of that applies here but just an insight into why some people do delete. I’ve got someone who’s outraged I deleted them despite having other people from the same circle on my account and I felt pushed to re add them but I’ve just hidden them now, all they ever do is post left wing rants - which is really tedious as I agree with them but I just don’t want to read all that stuff all the time.

Bunbuns3 · 20/03/2023 08:31

I have set my Facebook so nobody can add me. I noticed that there was a pattern of people that I once knew adding me and then deleting me. It must of happened 10+ times. I just got so fed up that no one can add me now. I have had people ask me why they are unable to add me? and I just pretend I don't know.

SheilaFentiman · 20/03/2023 08:33

Like @Xrays , I try to have a “would I want to go for coffee with this person if I bumped into them?” filter. I added a few people years back after a school
reunion, then deleted some (not all) after a year or two. It’s nothing personal, I just figured I’d never see most of them again physically, so what was the point?

MyPurpleHeart · 20/03/2023 08:58

I started a new job a few years ago and everyone in the office added me (shouldn't have accepted I know - professional distance). Thought I was getting on with everyone well. Then one day noticed they had ALL removed me. But said nothing and carried on being friendly. It really upset me. From then on I decided not to use Facebook as 'real life'. These people aren't your friends and its a website.. I now use it for the odd fitness class review and funny videos only. I don't share any personal information at all anymore

ComeOnYouSummer · 20/03/2023 09:02

I delete people all the time, it’s nice to have a bit of a spring clean on social media. Sometimes posts irritate me so I’ll delete the person or sometimes I just want a very small group of ‘friends’.