Please could you talk to me about your lovely mums?

[TheyIndeed]

I would love to read about really nice, supportive relationships. If you have one ... what is that like? How often do you hear from her? What do you love most about yours? What do you do that's like her?

It would just be nice to see a really positive thread if possible.

(I haven't have this experience myself unfortunately so find it hard to imagine.)

My mum sadly passed away dec 21 but she was the absolute way, we spoke daily 2/3 times about ransom stuff, we had shows watched together and she was so generous with me and my husband always treating us and surprising us.

The 4 years she got with my son also she was the beat nana. Babysitting whenever asked and could never see enough of him.

The most caring and supportive type of relationship you could want really. I was very lucky

That sounds so lovely @bellsandwhistles333! I'm sorry for your loss

I am in the middle on this one OP. My mum and I don't get on and have nothing in common. She is also incapable of providing any sort of emotional support to anyone and has no empathy. She is also unable to receive emotional support from anyone for herself.

However, that being said, she can and has provided much needed practical support in the past. If she comes to visit, she will clean or tidy (stuff like inside our cupboards that I wouldn't do before she came up) She also looked after DD for me for around 15 months full time so that I could work to save up money.

If I rang her tomorrow in a crisis, she would drop everything to come to me. But then when she got here she would make everything worse, so I wouldn't ever ring her in a crisis.

So I feel torn. I wish we could get on, but we don't.

My mum is honestly like a best friend to me. I see her at least once a week at the weekend, if not twice a week with a mid-week visit too. I think we are quite similar and I'm an only child so have always been close. Since I was a teen we've bonded over things like shopping trips and coffee dates, and afternoon teas and nights away at spa hotels as I've gotten older. We catch up on anything and everything and often spend ages chatting putting the world to rights! We're both very similar in our options and values, so it's easy to talk about things. I tell her most things and she's one of the first people I'd ask advice from.

I am so grateful to have such a positive, loving relationship with her.

My mum was brilliant. Genuinely my best friend, whilst also still being a mum.

The lease judgemental woman you could ever hope to meet. Could tell her anything.

Wasn’t particularly gushing emotionally but we always knew how much she loved us and was proud of us. Was great fun, loved a party and a holiday. Big believer in a medicinal gin, sticking your lipstick on and just ‘getting on with it’ but that’s not to say she wasn’t sympathetic, just a bit non nonsense. Gave great cuddles and we used to laugh together lots. Over the years gave lots of practical support too. Would forever be treating one of us to something or other - small things but thoughtful.

Made me butterfly cakes every birthday even when I was in my 30s.

Door always open to my friends too, who adored her.

I miss her very much. I do feel very very lucky to have had her.

My DM is certainly not perfect but she is devoted, kind & loving. I have always had a strong sense of security & knowledge that both of my DPs will support me through anything. I count my blessings.
don’t get me wrong, our relationships have certainly had their ups & downs & we aren’t ‘best friends’, but my mum is a very kind & generous lady 💜. She is also a wonderful granny in many ways.

Wow, can't imagine being best friends. As in, that's like "imagine that you don't breathe air" - it's incomprehensible, but sounds wonderful!

Oh these are such lovely comments about mothers. I don’t have this kind of relationship with my mum but I hope you have it with my daughter.

Really beautiful.

My Mum and I are close. DF was in the forces and I was an only child until I was 9 so we spent my early years together mostly.

She made sure I needed for nothing despite being so poor at times it was get a bus home or walk to afford bread/milk.

Growing up we have remained close and we have supported each other.

We see each other at least 5 days a week as she looks after my youngest so I can work full time and I 100% know how lucky I am.

When I don't have DC with me we go for coffee, shopping and the occasional lunch. When I do she joins us for trips out.

She does everything she can to make my life easier such as ironing that she knows I hate 😂

Absolute diamond and we would be lost without her.

We lost mam just over 5 years ago and the loss is still so felt!
She was so very strong and yet the gentlest person I've ever known. She genuinely never said a bad word about anyone.
We were really close. I'd call her everyday and see her every other day.
So very lucky to have had her 💓

I can't say I was massively close to my mum growing up as she was a full time carer for my oldest sister and that took up the vast majority of her time and emotional resources. However, my other sister and I were still provided with a very happy, well balanced childhood and she put every last effort into making sure we were provided for under some very difficult circumstances (as did my father).

Sometimes, in quiet moments, I am hit with how immensely lucky I am to have them as parents. The precariousness of it scares me, quite honestly. They both had very difficult upbringings and unstable lives before they had children (honestly, on paper it would look terrible) and my whole life could easily have been so different if it were not for the fact that my parents are, at their core, really decent people and overcame what a lot of people just wouldn't have been able to.

My mum, these last couple of years, has the chance to put herself first for the first time in her life and I want to do anything I can for her, really. I love her so much it hurts and I just want her to have as nice a life as she deserves.

Sadly my mother died 19 years ago. But I was blessed with a loving and caring mother. She just loved me and my sister unconditionally and felt the same about her 4 grandchildren. Both her SiLs liked her too. My DH said she was more of a mother to him than his own mother was.

She did lots of things to help, when my son was born during one snowy winter, for a week she walked 3 miles to see us each day, bringing homemade soup. Always made me a birthday cake and Father Christmas left me a stocking every Christmas at her house too.

My mum is pretty great. She is very practical and loves having the grandchildren so collects them from school a couple of times a week and has helped out since they were born. They absolutely adore her. She will also drop everything to come and help out in an emergency whether car or relationship breakdown. Definitely someone to call in a crisis!

I'd say we text most days and have a cup of tea once or twice a week to catch up. I also find her interesting - she has lots of great stories to tell - and extremely funny. We've had ups and downs over the years and sometimes she drives me crazy but that's part of being close to someone.

I feel lucky to have my mum and I think she feels the same way which is nice.

My mum will reveal exactly what she thinks by her face. She doesn't give praise generously but she truly values people. She is honest, realistic, and goes out of her way to create good for other people. I can rely on her completely.

She adores my children. She's interested in every tiny aspect of their life. When we visit she has set up numerous sensory/dress up/art/ cooking activities. Over lock down she made up daily stories and sent pictures involving their favourite toys going on adventures at her house. I realise just how lucky we are.

What a lovely thread. But I am sorry that you don’t have a good relationship with your Mum OP.
I have always been very close to my Mum & able to talk to her about anything & my friends always said how sympathetic she was when we were all teenagers with loads of problems! Mum has never really been well sadly & this can be very difficult. I remember her having to have a lie down quite often when I was little & she found it very hard to deal with my DB & me if we were misbehaving. I remember standing by her bed bewildered as she was crying & I didn’t know what to do. She now has Parkinson’s & osteoporosis so can’t get around much & I miss our shopping trips, lunches out etc. DM always used to come across as a bit prim & proper but she has a very earthy sense of humour & we have often laughed to the point of pain!
DM is a lovely Grandmother too (DD14 is adopted & has never been treated any differently to her cousins). She is very giving of her time to DD & shows interest in her life, even if she doesn’t always understand what DD is into! Both she & DF have been very accepting of DD’s gender fluidity & of her changing her name twice.
When I think of my childhood, DM’s illnesses aside, I think of a safe secure upbringing with some wonderful experiences & holidays. She’s a very good cook so food figures strongly in my memories too! My love of nature comes partly from my Mum & my reaction to beautiful music - she calls it “ the tingle factor”. We both cry extremely easily. Mum will sometimes shed a tear if someone else is crying.
I phone her almost every day & see her once a week or fortnight. She only lives about 10 mins drive away. As her health has deteriorated, DF has asked me to be a paid carer for her so that she’s not left on her own. She resents this but hopefully will appreciate spending a bit more time with me. A special lady who I am very lucky to have ❤️

My Mam is the absolute loveliest woman, mother and Granny. She's got tons of friends and everyone loves her. She cares so much & always tries to make everyone happy! We have a family history of coeliac disease, and she always makes gluten free bread for those effected. I can't eat oats & my brother can't eat dairy, so last big get together she had made 3 different types of bread to suit all of our various needs. She will make sure she has special treats in for grandchildren - our youngest grandchild loves those little coffee biscuits that you get with your coffee, so Mam gathers them up as she goes through her week.

Having said that, she's not my best friend, she's definitely my Mum. I share a lot with her but not everything! She's in her 80's and of her era, but What's remarkable about her is she's so non-judgemental. She would never comment on someone's lifestyle or origins, even though she's a very traditional catholic. I remember very clearly through my childhood if I made a comment about someone she'd always say 'Ah love you never know what someone is going through'. I adore her...

Thank you all for sharing and so sorry to those of you who have lost such amazing mums

@N0tfinished, how lovely.

Your comment on the biscuits made me think of this song, which is one of my (somewhat plaintive) favourites:

("She always has the crumb cake at the ready" bit especially)

I adore my mum. Not just as a mum but I deeply admire her as a person. She is kind, supportive, cheerful, never moans. Never any emotional blackmail or self pity. She adores DC and has been a huge help to me. She takes an interest in my profession and always bigs me up. We have the odd fight but we always make up.

She is incredibly popular in the community as everyone can see what good company she is. She is a fantastic gardener, plays a musical instrument, reads, and cooks incredible food.

My dad was pretty great too, but it was my mum who held the family together through difficult times. I will be devastated when she goes.

I should say my mum is the one person in the world who loves me unconditionally. I am not an easy person, but she is always on my side and has my back.

Mine was also my best friend. She epitomised love and was like a perfect summer day in human form. She died in 2015, the world changed for ever that day and I’ll never stop missing her.

She epitomised love and was like a perfect summer day in human form.

How lovely.

@TheyIndeed I'm so sorry your relationship with your mum is not what you want it to be.

My mum is 91, born in 1931, and dealt with evacuation, being a surrogate mum to 2 younger sisters, her parents' marriage breaking up (massive shaming event in the 1940s), her father refusing to pay the fees for the medicine degree course for which she had won a place, and then moving to London in her 20s, taking a secretarial course and creating a life for herself from scratch.

She has always had utter confidence that my sister and I could achieve anything we set our mind to and this confidence was infectious - we came to believe it too! She is a listener, not an arguer; a supporter, not a detractor; a calmer, not a catastrophiser. 'There is always a way, we just have to find it' is her catch phrase.

When I had PND after each child, she was there as a practical support and also helped me to fall in love with my children - something that for me did not come as an instant wave. Whenever they are pissing me off, she reminds me of their good points, but would never think to undermine me to them.

When my dad died after 49 years of their marriage, she found time within her own grief to comfort us and to individually answer the hundreds of letters that poured in from his friends.

She sends Greggs vouchers to her grandson, but M&S food vouchers to the grand daughter who is now doing the medicine degree.

When we arrived for tea today, she put out the cakes each of us likes, remembered to ask both son in laws about recent job events, appreciated the 3 pieces I fitted into her jigsaw and the cards sent by the grandchildren.

One day she won't be here, and I will miss her so much.

My mum died in 2021 but she was the best.