Please could you talk to me about your lovely mums?

[TheyIndeed]

I would love to read about really nice, supportive relationships. If you have one ... what is that like? How often do you hear from her? What do you love most about yours? What do you do that's like her?

It would just be nice to see a really positive thread if possible.

(I haven't have this experience myself unfortunately so find it hard to imagine.)

Thanks for starting this thread OP. I had an an emotionally and physically abusive childhood and have no contact with my mother now. I’ve always wondered what it’s like for people who say they are ‘best friends’ with their mums and what it’s like to be so close to your mum as I can’t imagine it. This thread has some really lovely comments, I really hope that me and my daughter have a relationship like so many have described here.

Ah my mam is so lovely ❤️ she's also a lovely Gran to my DD's who adore her (as does the dog!). I see her a few times a week, and if I'm ever off on a Friday I'll pop over with the kids and have a cuppa and a natter. She looks after our kids with my DF 2 days a week while we work, and whenever she's been grocery shopping there will always be a bag near the door for me to pick up with things in she's picked up while she's been out (could be anything from tea bags and washing liquid to potatoes and cereal!). I'll also give her a ring through the week for a chat. She's always got time for us all, and I'm very lucky that she's mine

My mum is my hero. She's been a consistent, steady, loving mum always. She's not perfect; I found her smothering and critical and strict when I was a teenager, and I rebelled massively. She put up with all my shitty behaviour and never turned her back on me and always loved me. As an adult I've learned that her own childhood was horrendously abusive, heartbreakingly so, and that made me admire her even more. She didn't always get it right, but she definitely broke the abusive cycle. She's clever, was an incredible in her profession, and is always charitable and kind. There's no-one I admire more.

I have a lovely mum.

We speak once or twice a day. Chit chat and deeper more meaningful stuff.

We work together in family business.

We are very close. She is inspiring and dynamic, kind... She's a wonderful woman and mum.

I lost my mum 6 years ago this year but she was so lovely. Always there when I needed her. Funny, great sense of humour. I looked forward to our daily calls. I'm so glad she was my mum.

My Mum cleans my cupboards and kitchen when I'm shattered, has always looked after DD and is an amazing Nan.
She bakes and cooks and will bring me down my favourite treats when she comes to visit.
Nurturing, supportive and loving.
Wish she would stop beating us at Monopolies though as she has a complete personality transplant then and becomes utterly ruthless.

♥️

My Mum is definitely not a 'best friend' as there is a definite mother/daughter relationship there, where she still worries about me and my sister and our children, and we are her absolute world and she loves us unconditionally.

She and Dad made huge sacrifices so that we didn't go without, as they were very poor when we were growing up, but they did all that they could to make sure that we did not really realise this.

Despite no formal education, she is one of the wisest and kindest of people - generous with her time and money. We are very lucky to have her.

My mum was my best friend and my biggest supporter. Oh, we fell out over the years and she could be a cantankerous so and so, but she loved me fiercely.

I had a miscarriage in 2012. I called her, in tears at 4am to come watch my DS so DH could drive me to hospital. She came without hesitation. I'd expected that she would sleep in our spare bed, take DS to nursery and go home. Nope, when I came home from being scanned later that day I found that she'd taken the day off work, cleaned my house, done a food shop, bought me a new fluffy blanket and cooked several days worth of freezer food. She quietly tucked me into bed and went home with instructions to call her if we needed anything else.

She died in 2018 from Ovarian cancer and she was selfless to the end. I miss her so SO much.

Yep I had the same relationship with my mum. She died last year but I didn't see her before her death. She didn't recognize me anymore so I just couldn't see the point

I miss my lovely mum, when I was growing up and going through difficult times as a teenager, she gave up her career as a teacher to be home more (she changed to flexi office based work in the civil service) and look out for me, I went a little off the road and she was there without judgement or blame to listen and get me back on track.

When I got my first job at 17, she took me out and got me a work wardrobe, she would drive me to and from work without complaining.

She was there when I went through a horrendous time with my Ex, supported both myself and my 3 DC emotionally and practically. When I was in debt she helped me too.

But then at 31 she noticed I was lonely, so she invited me to her bridge club and we played 3 times a week together, and attended tournaments, winning a few, we were known as "the girls" affectionately by other players. She had the funniest send of humour, and we would spend ages in each others company just laughing together and having fun.

She was a little of a a tomboy, knew how to maintain her car, decorate, garden even brick lay, she was an inspiration to me, my DC all adored her and said she was the person they thought of as their dad, when their own father treated them indifferently. She came on holiday with us, she mended lots of broken hearts and nursed my father for 7 years when he had cancer. Sadly she developed Alzheimer's as well as ovarian cancer which took her away from us all. She now is buried with my DF at a woodland burial site with a beautiful tree growing on the spot. She was also loved by the children she taught, many of whom would approach her as adults to say how lovely and kind she was to them.

One thing that stood out to me about her, is despite having a religious and sometimes strict upbringing, she was very liberal minded and never judged anyone, my eldest DS got into some trouble in his teens, she was there for him and he grew into a lovely young man, he was so distraught when she passed away, they had a very special bond.

Another simple but lovely memory is of me and her snuggled up in bed together doing crossword puzzles and sudoku, she was my safe space, my warm, kind lovely mother. I can never live up to how she was as a mum, but do my best to follow her lead.

My mum is my best friend. We had a hard time growing up, there was no money, my dad was abusive and there was a lot of ill health in the family but mum was always someone I could talk to. I was bullied at school as I had a facial difference. Looking back mum tried so hard to help me make friends, inviting kids round and doing whole class parties when she had a million other burdens. She fought hard to get me surgeries I needed as well and held my hand through those. Teenage years she dried my tears and bolstered me up so many times. Married with kids, she’s held my hand through child illness and helped out with childcare. She’s been there for me when I’ve been on my knees with exhaustion with newborns. When I divorced my first husband she put a roof over my head and helped me get on the property ladder. She helped me with childcare when I was a single parent and went back to work. She came and looked after my child when I’ve been miscarrying. When I’ve had operations she’s looked after me, even helping me shower and go to the toilet. We don’t live close but I speak to her every day without fail. The sound of her voice never fails to give me comfort.

The comments about mums being best friends, is something I can relate to and interestingly all 3 of my DC have said I am their best friend at some point.

My eldest DS who is now 34, said after a split from his ex, was it odd that he considered his DM his best friend, he is now in a happy relationship with his fiance and although we are still very close, see each other regularly I would hope his fiance now is his best friend :)

My middle DS who is 30 and happily married still takes a city break with me each year and has said he has fun with me like he does with his friends, his DW is lovely and they are definitely the main person in each others lives but they both make me feel loved too.

Then my youngest DD, she is nearly 28 and followed my mums footsteps, she is a teacher and has a warm kind loving heart, she often tells me that I am her best friend, we spent all day together, we went for lunch, then she took me to a simulated roller coaster ride thing and we then went to see the mario movie together, we have the same bond as I did with my own mum. I am also very close to her boyfriend who moved in with us when his DM sadly died in the pandemic.

So sorry to hear what happened to your mum, she sounded so lovely

My mum is lovely. Unfailingly loving and supportive, non judgemental, accepts all the parts of me good and bad and has always been my biggest supporter.

She is also, objectively, a really nice person. Kind, sociable, clever and funny. She’s who I want to be when I grow up (I’m 46) .

As a teenager I never appreciated her and actually she represented a lot if things I didn't want to be (sahm, reliant on my dad for money, gossip and judgemental). As an adult I've come to realise everyone has their flaws including my mum. She works now after putting us first for so many years and loves it and I'm proud she's finally doing something completelyfor herself. Aside from that though she is a selfless mum, we talk daily and I know I'm always on her mind and in her prayers. Our relationship got closer as I became an adult. She is an amazing nan, really listens to the kids and plays with them. She is a very thoughtful person, travels 4 hours to see me after I have a baby, stocks my freezer with meals for all of us (separate meals for kids), she cooks mine or even dh's favourite meals when we visit. Best advice she gave me was to not sweat the small stuff, keep an eye on the bigger picture and clean as I go. She's going through a rough time ar the minute with my dad's health but is still being strong. I love the bones of her, am grateful for her and if I could go back in time I'd tell teenage me to give her head a wobble as I should have appreciated her more.

I’m going to try to be this kind of mum to my daughters.