Kids different genders sharing room or not?

[Bronzeisthecolour]

Moving house. 2 dc aged 9 & 7. Eldest is a girl youngest is boy. Dh works from home ft.

New house has 2 rooms downstairs and 3 upstairs- 1 box room. Trying to sort rooms.

1. 3 bedrooms used as separate bedrooms Dh uses 1 downstairs room as office and other is living room but then no table.
2. dc share biggest bedroom- high-rise beds etc. Small box room is office. 2 rooms downstairs 1 living room & 1dining room.

Kids want to share but I'm wondering if this is best long term. I wouldn't even think about it if both same gender.

Any advice?

I think you have to go hybrid. I hate it too but we don't have much choice. 3 kids have own rooms then my desk set up is in lounge (quite compact but still irritates me!) and DH set up in in kitchen/diner in a cupboard unit we made (so can be shut away at end of the day). We have a garden cabin I can move into during the warmer months. Hope to move out there again soon!

Assuming you have them sharing now, what happens when they (inevitably) get grossed out by the idea in a couple of years time?

What pre-teens want is very different to what teenagers need and it's your job as parents to give them what they need - which is privacy and separate sleeping spaces. That's much more important than a dining table.

Name changed for obvious reasons. Please don't have them a share a room. I have a brother who used to sneak into my bedroom at night to sexually molest me. I was 10 and he was 11 when this happened. We weren't allowed to lock our bedroom doors and I was too scared to tell anyone so I just put up with it. This went on for weeks until I finally couldn't deal with it any longer and told my mother. She told me I could lock my door at night, so I did, and he stopped as he could no longer get in. I think opposite sex siblings sharing a bedroom is asking for trouble.

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts yes that's my issue, it won't be long term, sure they wouldn't want to share once 13 & 11 so would have to do separate then, but not sure to let them share for a few years then face that issue.

No there isn't.

It'll be easier to start as you mean to go on IMO. They can always have sleepovers in each others' rooms while they're young but I think it's important that they have their own space.

I also doubt you'll have to wait as long as that - once they're at secondary, your older one won't want to share with their primary age sibling!

sure they wouldn't want to share once 13 & 11 so would have to do separate then
What if they don’t make it to that age though? They could decide before then sharing isn’t what they want and your daughter is already thinking about privacy, I would have a think about that.

I wouldn’t count on the comfort with sharing lasting all the way to 13 for the oldest. Whatever you do now, you need to be prepared for her feelings to change within the next 12 months. It might be longer than that, but you need to have a plan for it being soon because once her feelings change you will need to act swiftly.

I would also be very explicit with her that you have a plan ready to implement because you don’t want her to be afraid to share her feelings. A child that age may understand the upheaval that the requested change will cause in the household. That need for privacy also comes with a cognitive growth in many other ways.

From my Experience our daughter didn't mind sharing her room with her brother but has soon has she hit puberty she didn't want to share because she wanted her privacy.
I would say they both need their own rooms eventally they will want their own space.

You haven't moved yet. Do you know when you are likely to move? As your DD is 9 now, she may have started periods by the time you move. I can't imagine any girl will want to share with her brother at that stage. Surely it's best to set up your new home for the future, rather than a short term fix.
You could spend some time before you move researching suitable furniture for a shared dining room/office and making plans to rearrange meal times or eat on your laps in the other room when your DH is in a meeting.

My own experience is that DD and Ds shared very happily until she was about 9.5 and then she categorically did not want to share with him anymore, ever.

It's sex, not gender. They are children of different sexes, male or female. Most people don't have a gender.

Your best solution here is to have the dining room as a shared office, then set an agreed mealtime and DH respect that enough to never agree to calls during that time. Be assertive. Calls during meal times is not okay, not ever.

My twins shared up until 10 but then dd decided she wanted privacy so we converted the study to another bedroom. Luckily it coincided with the end of wfh for me!

Eh? Her DH might not have that flexibility in his job. In my old job, and in one of my current ones, I don't get to have a say in when a meeting is held, if it's within my working hours.

Personally I'd say give them separate rooms from the get go. As PP said, they can have 'sleepovers' in each others if they want anyway.

I’d say you have a couple of years grace when they could share, but once DD goes to secondary school, she should have her own space.
Can you board out the loft in the meantime? Put in a loft ladder, Velux window, board it and DH can use that space as his office. This is what we did in our previous home (which we used as my office) and it was perfect. The thing with DH using the dining room is that as the kids get older, they too might want their own social space.

I think using the box room as an office will only ever be a short term solution as your DD will want her own room soon, certainly by secondary school.

Can you afford to extend in the next few years - into loft perhaps? Or convert garage if you have one?

This is what we're considering in the next few years, as we're now both working from home.

Box room as office, screens can be wall mounted, can kitchen fit a table? use the dining room as adult bedroom and kids have room each upstairs.

Isn’t there some legislation stating children over age of 10 of opposite sex should have separate bedrooms? Pretty sure that’s the case
What planet do ppl live on? not everyone can afford larger homes or be moved by council, how did we all survive sharing rooms growing up 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would have three bedrooms. My DP uses the dining room as his office but it also fits a table, would this not work?

It sounds like the house you have bought doesn't suit your needs and you haven't even moved in yet.

Your DC each need a bedroom though

Sorry just seen your posts about not liking having the office in the dining room - I wouldn't make two soon to be teenagers of the opposite sex share just to have a table available at all times.

What are his working hours? If 9-5 I'd just eat lunch in the living room and eat dinner later, I can't imagine it being a major issue unless he was in meetings at 6-8pm.

My DD has changed so much between 9 & 10 that I’d be worried that it will be too short term. You will end up changing furniture and buying new stuff to fit in a very short period of time.
At 10 she’s not pretty much a pre teen. She’s physically changed, started her periods and won’t even let me in her room when she’s changing.

Could you have a study bed for your bed? They are as comfortable as a normal bed and the desk is huge so easily would fit the three monitors

Should say ‘now’ pretty much a pre teen, not ‘not’

I've changed my name for obvious reasons.

My children had to share a room temporarily when they were in primary school many years ago during a housing crisis issue.

My daughter recently disclosed that there was inappropriate touching between her and her brother. They were both under 10 and very close in age.

We had no clue and never in a million years would think such a thing would happen.
The police investigated. SS was involved. My family was split in 2.
They deemed it child sexual exploration, mutual in nature and not abuse by 1 child but it's fucked our family up big time.

I would advise families not to allow children of opposite sex to share rooms.

I know many people will read that and say 'my kids would never...'
I thought the same thing. Its ruined my life and the police said it is SO SO common. They said their department deal with similar every single day in a small area.