Parents with young children, how much are grandparents involved?

[GoldenGlitterGirl]

There will probably be more responses from those who don't have any support from grandparents for various reasons, as that does seem to be a common thing on mumsnet.

But I'm interested to hear what support others do get?

My parents are nearby, offer their help and support us when things get tough, which they do in our circumstances. My other half's parents aren't particularly interested most of the time. We see them when they choose a few times a year.

I know there are so many factors around grandparent involvement- age, health, location, relationship - what is yours like?

Seeing family regularly is normal for us. My DC see both sets of grandparents at least once a week. We’re a really close family and it’s so nice. We don’t have childcare from any of them but we don’t need it and both sets of parents are happy to babysit if DH and I want to go out. That’s not very often though, maybe once every 2 months ish. Sometimes more, usually around that. Even just a couple of hours to go for a meal. They don’t sleep out often but they all like being at home and we’ve never really needed it. The baby hasn’t slept anywhere yet but he’s only a few weeks, DD9 loves staying at friends, cousins & grandparents houses and probably stays with grandparents or cousins once a month. This isn’t for childcare, just that she and they enjoy it. The boys (5&3) have slept at grandparents probably 4 times in their lives.

Oh sorry, missed your last part. Both mine and DHs parents are in their 60s. All fairly good health except FIL has a back problem which is sometimes quite bad. They all live within a 15 min drive and relationship is fab between all of us. DH, my dad & FIL often go to sporting events together. I go out with my MIL and my mum and visit in-laws with the children alone regularly. Always had very good relationships with both sides. We often host both at our home which is lovely for the DC.

Not much. We are too far away from our families to have much involvement. DH’s parents are only interested if we come to them (travelling 5 hours in the car with 3 children under the age of 6 then all of us staying in one rooms in their 2 bedroom house) so we don’t see them often. They are retired and very fit and well, could easily come to us but don’t, then moan about not seeing the kids enough.

My dad is equally far away and has zero interest in my children. Rarely sees us. Also retired, likes to travel. Just can’t be bothered which is quite sad.

My mum is a similar distance away. Works full time and has a lot of caring responsibilities for my nephew as sister has struggled with her mental health. She comes up to see us for a few days maybe once every 3/4 months. Very involved grandparent. Kids have a great relationship with her despite not seeing her often.

It’s hard with 3 under 6 by myself when my husband works away a lot. I am very envious of people who have hands on grandparents nearby!

Barely. One set is in a different country, the other set are idiots, frankly, so very limited contact. Between them 2 out of 4 are not in great health, all are mid 60s to early 70s.

My parents are in late 60s and love about 20 mins away. They have DD (16 months) 2 days a week plus sometimes at weekends for a few hours/sleepover. Sometimes she will stay over in the week too depending on work. They love having her and it is completely their choice/offered help. My DPs parents live 2 hours away and often complain they don't see us/her very often yet never make the effort to come down. If they do come down it's rarely for more than a few hours....!!!

we are in the same town as both sets of GPs. My own parents are much more involved and see dd at least once a week normally twice and are more than happy to watch her for a couple of hours here and there (she’s a breastfed 5mo old so I’m not away from her much yet). I’m going back to work 3 days when she’s 8 months and she’ll be at nursery 2 mornings, with my mum a day and a half and MIL one afternoon. So can’t knock either set really - feel very lucky!

I see my parents once a week or so, they are about 15 minutes away. I usually take one or both DC with me. They will have the DC in an emergency but never offer to have them and wouldn't babysit. They never come to visit us, we always have to go to them. They are mid-70s and not in great health at the moment though. They were a bit more involved when DS1 was younger.

PIL are about 30 minutes away, not interested in our DC as they are very invested in SIL's life and she has two children. We rarely see them, maybe a couple of times a year. We've tried but they just aren't interested. They've babysat DS1 once, when he was 2 (he's now 12). They are mid-60s and in good health, very active.

Sorry and to address the last part they are all in good health and late 40s/early 50s

GP1 70s, poor health: lives an hour away, fortnightly childcare, occasional over night wants to do more but we don’t want them to over do it.
GP2 70s, good health but doesn’t think so: lives a hour away fortnightly childcare (they do alternate weeks with above, don’t live together), says they want to do more and then complains so we tend to avoid asking them.
GP3 60s, poor health: lives abroad, only met toddler DC once.
GP4 deceased.

Mine are teens now , but when the were young we had very little help or contact. DHs parents were elderly and lived 200 miles away. Sadly they both died by the time my eldest was 7. They loved both the children and we would visit regularly.

I only have my DM , who was only 52 at the time of having my first child. She was working full time and also lived an hour away.

My mum is married to someone who doesn't like children 🙄 so that's caused some issues. Consequently the children have never had a sleepover with them. She would occasionally come and babysit and stay at ours. I'd say twice a year max. To be honest my mum didn't want to babysit and didn't enjoy it. She never took them out for day trips or anything , it was just what we asked her to do and no more.

I remember being in a group of friends at the time and feeling quite resentful when they told me how their parents helped them alot and they would take the children away for breaks , day trips or have them for a week or so in the summer holidays.

My two love my mum , but I wouldn't say they are close. It's all a bit sad really and I hope my relationship with grandchildren (,if I'm lucky enough to have them) is better and more like the poster above.

My ex's mum bends over backwards to help. She is incredible. My mum also offers and helps out loads. I'm very lucky.

Ex mum - 60's and 40 miles away
Mum - 70's 5 miles away.

Lots of help, their choice, we never expected but happily accepted. We’re very lucky.

My mum helps out, she asks to see the girls and has a bed set up in their house so she can take one at a time for sleepovers (for fun and to get some 1 on 1 time, if there was an emergency she would take all three)
This happens about once a month, so each girl goes about 4 times a year.
The girls and 5, 5 and 4 now so are much less demanding but when they were babies, I would visit a lot and she would look after them with me. Especially when the twins were 1 and I had a newborn - she would let me stay for a few days and the twins would sleep in her room so I just had the baby.
Now the oldests are in school we see her 2 to 4 times a month and the girls love her.
My Mum lives an hour and a half away and she is young (mid 40s) but does not work as she is a carer for my dad and sister. My dad can't look after a baby on his own or take them outside without help but is great at holding them to sleep and playing so he is brilliant at keeping them entertained while we are all there.

The girls dad's parents have only met the twins once as newborns and never the youngest. She asked me if I was sure they were her sons as they look nothing like her family, and 'could they belong to one of your other boys that you carry on with'. I had never dated anyone else at that time, but they decided I had ruined their sons life so they aren't exactly supportive grandparents.
They sent a card when the youngest was born and she got the both the older girls names wrong.

All four GPs in good health. Three of them live 2-3 hours drive away and we see them a few times per year. No childcare from them of course! One lives 15 minutes drive away. We see him once every 4-6 weeks. Has babysat 3 times in 5 years.

I'm very close with my mother and Grandmother, they have DS between them two days a week, they used to have him three times but I increased his nursery hours due to attending school in September.

Mother is 54 and lives 25 mins away. She also has him overnight once a month, both mother and grandmother dote on my son. Also very close with my dad but he works a lot so we see him a few times a month, he loves having my DS over, he's 57.

Unfortunately DH's mother passed away a few years back and we don't have a lot of contact with his dad, just on generic days (Father's Day etc)

My parents have been wonderful, and travel to us (1 hr 15 mins each way) twice a week to look after our toddler while I am at work. She has totally fallen in love with them. We are actually in the process of selling our house and moving to be near them for this reason, and so that when the time comes when they are old and need looked after we can return the favour.

My in laws live a similar distance away but barely see our daughter, they are strangers to her. They don't seem that bothered about seeing her, and the slightest thing like her having a slightly runny nose is enough for them to cancel any plans that we do manage to get them to agree to. It's a shame but I guess that's their prerogative.

Husband's parents have died. My parents moved abroad when I was 18 so we see them maybe once every 2 years. Its such a shame as they are both retired and they are great with kids.

From the other side of the fence - I am a GP in my 70s. I am lucky to have excellent health and do childcare for my DS and DIL who are local, and my DD and SIL who live an hours' drive away, every week. We often spend time together at the weekends too and my DIL, DD and I meet socially with all the cousins. I count my blessings!

We've had very little help from GPs, but neither set have ever been particularly nearby. We were 45 mins from ILs when DC1 was born. We saw them maybe once a month and they begrudgingly babysat for us if we got him to sleep before we left. All they were really prepared to do was sit on our sofa and watch our TV (which was bigger than theirs ). My DPs have never lived near us. DM has helped out when I've needed it - newborn, both DC with chickenpox at the same time and DH on business trip, had them for the weekend so we could have a very rare weekend away as a couple - but we never had any regular help and I know they'd have resented being asked so it wasn't even on my radar.

My parents (in their 60s and in good health) - DM looks after DS2 2 days a week, and we often go visit on a Sunday afternoon, will always take the DC if they have random illnesses or I have say a dentist appointment. etc. We try and not be cheeky by not asking for "fun" babysitting more than once or twice a year - e.g. if we've both been invited to a wedding. We help out by running errands for them if needed.

DHs (late 60s) - see every couple of months for the day/occasionally stay for the weekend. No practical support now as they live too far away/aren't in great health but are generous with Christmas/birthday money for the DC. They are starting to need a bit of support from us (eg if they have anything official/form related to do they feel better if DH checks it over)

My parents are too far away to help, but don't really offer much support to my siblings so I can't see it being any different if we were closer. MIL has been great with DC1 but is not in the best of health now so isn't able to help really, and can't at all with DC2. We bring DC1 to see her once a week now though so they still have a lovely relationship, she would miss DC1 if she didn't see them weekly. Unfortunately FIL died long before DCs were born but by all accounts he would have been a wonderful and very involved grandfather.

We are very lucky to have grandparents heavily involved on both sides. They all live within 10 minute drive of us and we see my parents and MiL most weeks, FiL every few weeks.

MiL is in her mid 60s and very healthy, looks after DC (5 and 3) one day a week whilst we work and will have them for sleepovers etc to give us a date night about once every month or two. FiL is in his 70s, he was doing he school run for us one day a week but his health hasn't been as good the past few months so thats stopped, he does occasionally watch them for up to an hour at his house as he likes to see them and that is about what he can cope with these days. My parents are in their 50s, less involved during the week as they both still work but will help out in emergencies when DH or I are unwell/kids off school if they are available. They also have them for a day if we need to go out/get things done child free at a weekend and will do that probably once every month or two.

Single parent and 1 DD

I can see my parents house from mine! When I started work they did the school run between them and we ate dinner together before DD and I went home. We saw them pretty much everyday in her Primary school years.

Once DD went to secondary she would pop her head in to say she was safe and might be persuaded to stay for tea and a snack before going home. I WFH now and pop in most days at lunchtime for tea and a catch up if they are about.

We are a very close family though and obviously if I had a partner or lived further apart most of those things wouldn't be possible.

DDs other grandparents live the other side of the country and her dad will take her to visit once a year.

My set up in similar to yours but our dads arent around.

My mum lives 15 mins away is IN LOVE with my 1 year old dd.
We see her at least 2 times a week sometimes 4. They have a beautiful relationship. She looks after her overnight occassionally and often for 2 -4 hours so i can go get things done. She offered huge practical support in newborn stage. Cooked for us / did food shop etc. Nappy changes burping etc.
I value her help so much. She does not do things 100% the way i would and is slowing down so we are selective about the help we ask for / accept as she would do almost anything for us.

My Dhs mum is further away. She buys DD stuff and likes to take pics and dress her up. She will play nicely and engage with dd when shes happy. But cant / wont comfort her if she cries, doesnt change nappies / do anything practical. We would never let her look after dd solo. She didnt really understand how to interact with her under 6m... i was amazed she had 2 children of her own. My DH was also pretty shocked 😂
She loves our DD but in a diff way.