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Original poster

Is this me? I think it probably is!

47 replies

NameChanged17 · 17/03/2023 15:37

Sorry, I’ve had to name change as potentially outing!

Posting here in the hope of it being a bit kinder than AIBU but I think I probably am being…

Friend of 20+ years (very good friend) has asked for a big favour this weekend and I said yes, even though I don’t want to at all, I know it’s the right thing to do as a friend.

Messaged me saying can you also do x, y and z and said they’ll show me how etc. they’re leaving early in morning so I said ‘shall I come from work?’ No reply so rang and she asks her DH ‘no, now isn’t a good time, sorry’. I was abrupt and cut off the conversation. I started thinking how I feel like saying I won’t do this favour but that’s just petulant isn’t it?

Slight backstory, I asked a favour 3 years ago. It was started last month but never finished, she doesn’t have much time apparently. I find her DH so controlling and vile (but hide it from my friend) and I think that sways my feelings. In my opinion, he does everything he wants when he wants and everyone else is the problem, he’s a complete CF. Also, they have no DC, I have 4 and am single so doing their favour means a right carry on over this weekend tbh. They only asked me this morning.

Is this me? Am I being childish? I just want to tell them to p off, but I love my friend to pieces. As I’ve got to the end of this my initial rage is subsiding…thank you for reading!

OP posts:
samsmum2 · 17/03/2023 15:41

It would be much easier to answer if you're able to tell us what the big favour is. Judging by their response to you on the phone, and the fact that you're a single mum with 4 children, I'm already thinking they can sod off!

Diorinthecountry · 17/03/2023 15:43

Agree with pp. I would say sorry you can't do it anymore. I am guessing it's babysitting?

TempNCforthis · 17/03/2023 15:43

Just tell them you have thought about it and can't do it. Honestly, if they complained to anyone about it, the other person would see your point of view and think they were being unreasonable.

Original poster
NameChanged17 · 17/03/2023 15:45

@samsmum2 I know, it’s just so outing and if she read it, it would be too obvious! It involves me driving 30 mins somewhere and back 3 times, and that’s the bit that makes it such a pain.

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 17/03/2023 15:46

Too little information. As they gave no kids pet sitting, lending them money what is it and why do they need it?

heldinadream · 17/03/2023 15:46

Diorinthecountry · 17/03/2023 15:43

Agree with pp. I would say sorry you can't do it anymore. I am guessing it's babysitting?

They have no dc.
They do sound a bit as though they are taking you for granted OP, but give us some clues?
Is it petcare while they are away for a weekend?

FourBoysAndAFeline · 17/03/2023 15:47

Change the details so it's not outing and tell us what the current and 3 year old favours were.

Context is needed.

FourBoysAndAFeline · 17/03/2023 15:48

It's feeding the animals while they are on holiday isn't it?

Which is a PITA for you as a single parent to 4 kids.

What was the favour that she didn't finish for you?

Greensleevevssnotnose · 17/03/2023 15:49

If it's outing with this little info she already knows. Your phone will ring telling you not to bother very soon!

Original poster
NameChanged17 · 17/03/2023 15:52

Pet care, Saturday night and Sunday inc. Sunday morning and night 25 miles away. It’s the fact it’s so far away that irritates me and the favour they owe me is DIY of a nature of my friend’s business so she said she’d do it but has never had the time, but has had the time to book a last minute getaway for Mother’s Day even though she isn’t a Mother.

OP posts:
Original poster
NameChanged17 · 17/03/2023 15:55

But I might be being mean because her DH is such a CF 100% of the time. I don’t begrudge my friend but I do him because I can’t stand him! My friend just does as she’s told all the time.

OP posts:
HaveYouSeenNancy · 17/03/2023 15:56

Say that you have car trouble. A single mother of four should not have her mother's day ruined or dictated by someone else's timescale. She shouldn't have asked.

SgtCatherineCawood · 17/03/2023 15:57

Because she only asked today I would just say sorry you caught me off guard and its not convenient.

Why should you spend your Mother's Day driving around doing them a favour when they won't even let you come to be shown what to do at a time that's convenient to you not them!

Pixiedust1234 · 17/03/2023 16:01

If they can't be bothered to show you how to care for live creatures then I would message back and get them to find somebody else.

However....if they are the type to throw the entire weekends worth of food at the animals and bugger off then I would do it for the animals sake this time but inform your friend she must never ask you again.

Original poster
NameChanged17 · 17/03/2023 16:01

@SgtCatherineCawood that’s a really good point. I pass their village on way home from work so could’ve popped in but now I’m home, got DC and it’s absolutely not convenient for us all to go out later tonight (and tomorrow night and Sunday morning, and Sunday night).

OP posts:
Rinkydinkydoodle · 17/03/2023 16:10

I am with you OP, if they can’t find time in their busy lives to be polite and accommodating enough to show you how to do them a (huge) favour, they shouldn’t bloody involve you. You’re not an employee, to fit in with their plans.

You’re not being unreasonable, you’re getting the piss ripped out of you a bit. As it’s a long standing friendship and you don’t want to rock the boat then I suppose it’s just grin and bear it but I’d be looking for a bit more reciprocity. If they try to drag you all out of the house tonight for their own convenience and are in any way cheeky about it I think my youngest child would develop a ‘temperature’ and be too poorly to be driven around from pillar to post before they left for their break.

Candleabra · 17/03/2023 16:13

I would just say no now to be honest.
There’s being friendly and accommodating for a good friend, and then there’s being walked all over. Just message now and say you can’t. You don’t have to ruin your weekend for a favour.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/03/2023 16:13

So you spend your Mother's Day doing 50 mile round-trips for them? No!

drpet49 · 17/03/2023 16:14

NameChanged17 · 17/03/2023 15:52

Pet care, Saturday night and Sunday inc. Sunday morning and night 25 miles away. It’s the fact it’s so far away that irritates me and the favour they owe me is DIY of a nature of my friend’s business so she said she’d do it but has never had the time, but has had the time to book a last minute getaway for Mother’s Day even though she isn’t a Mother.

Tell them to get lost. They are taking the piss.

FourBoysAndAFeline · 17/03/2023 16:16

NameChanged17 · 17/03/2023 15:55

But I might be being mean because her DH is such a CF 100% of the time. I don’t begrudge my friend but I do him because I can’t stand him! My friend just does as she’s told all the time.

I hear you.

You're unsure if your resentment of the situation is clouded by the fact that the DH is such a complete cunt bag.

It's a difficult one, do you feel that he was the reason for her not completing her favour to you?
I suppose it depends on what her favour was.
For example, if she was a paint and decorator and you wanted your living room done but it would have cost her a days work for free then I could understand it.

If it was something that would only have taken her a couple of hours then YANBU.

Unfortunately it's hard to tell without more info which of course is outing.

RandomMess · 17/03/2023 16:16

Stuff that they need to use a PAID pet sitter!

FourBoysAndAFeline · 17/03/2023 16:17

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/03/2023 16:13

So you spend your Mother's Day doing 50 mile round-trips for them? No!

Ohhhhh good point!

SgtCatherineCawood · 17/03/2023 16:18

When she rings to tell you to go round I'd just repeat what her H said to you and say no now isn't a good time sorry

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 17/03/2023 16:19

Why on earth did you say yes? There must be someone more local to them they could pay to do it.

You have 4 children, it is Mother's Day on Sunday, and the CFs expect you to be driving around whilst they swan off.

Just call her back and say you have had a rethink and really cannot commit the time and energy this will take (plus the petrol money).

FourBoysAndAFeline · 17/03/2023 16:23

NameChanged17 · 17/03/2023 16:01

@SgtCatherineCawood that’s a really good point. I pass their village on way home from work so could’ve popped in but now I’m home, got DC and it’s absolutely not convenient for us all to go out later tonight (and tomorrow night and Sunday morning, and Sunday night).

In that case, YANBU at all.

Fuck em.