I want to breastfeed but I just can’t cluster feed any longer…

[Rachell1]

I’m on day 10 of EBF. I am tired. Baby was rooting all night last night (literally from 10.30pm - 6am) and wanted to be on and off every 30 - 60 mins.

He feeds every 2 - 3 hours during the day for around 30 - 60 mins. I offer both boobs each feed.

It’s the rooting and constantly wanting to be on that is seriously stressing me out. I have a 2 yo so it isn’t practical to have baby glued to me for this long. During the evenings he literally feeds feeds feeds.

I am worried because I have resorted to giving the dummy when I get to the point where I feel he must be using me as a dummy, but i’ve read everywhere on here that I should refrain from dummy and let him feed for as long as he wants otherwise it will interfere with my supply?

Please can someone help!!!

Do you have a carrier? Feeding in a carrier saved me with my second.

Mine wouldn't take a dummy but I absolutely got them both to take a bottle around ten days. Was determined not to throw a bottle refuser into the mix. Didn't affect supply either.

Follow 'thebreastfeedingmentor' and 'wildflower breastfeeding' on Instagram if you can? So much support and 'norms' of breastfeeding discussed :)

You're doing amazing, keep up the good work and I promise it'll pay off once you get past the first 8-12 weeks and don't feel guilty with the older one; they adjust and now have the gift of sibling 😊

@Rachell1 you are NOT a crap mum. You are a mum who is trying to cater to the demands of both your children. It's a few weeks out of your older one's life, he won't remember. When I was pinned to the sofa for hours at a time BF DS2, I did jigsaws with DS1, read loads of books, it was a lovely snuggly time.

You’re doing great. DS is 2 at the end of the month and loves his dummy. Also still breastfeeding. You can do both!

I had my baby 20 years ago, when you fed them if they yelled for food or at least every 3 hours. If it was sleep time, he got his dummy and slept like an angel. I couldn’t breast feed, didn’t have him physically attached to me all the time ( although I was partial to snoozy baby cuddles.) Like all the healthy people who were alive long before cluster feeding, he is a perfect young man now.
Giving up cluster feeding doesn’t mean you have to stop breast feeding.
You are doing great!

@Boshi same here! DS had a dummy from being around a week old. He still cluster fed in the evenings and I’m still feeding him now he's about to turn ten months, so it had no impact on supply!

I kept being told not to give a dummy till six weeks. I broke on week 5 and gave him one so I could eat my tea. His little eyes rolled up into his head in bliss and he slept for ages probably an hour if truth be told I never looked back and he breastfed till he was 2.

No real advice just solidarity.

My six week old is currently asleep, nipple firmly clamped in his mouth having been attached to me with the odd ten minute break pretty much since he was born and certainly all day. The only time I get an actual break is when DH has him in the sling and he falls asleep there. My DH takes the baby for 1.5-2 hours in the sling from 9-11 so I can get at least a little bit of unmolested sleep, can your partner do something similar?

Cosleeping is the only thing getting me any rest and, like you, my poor two year old is being unfortunately neglected.

However, I breastfed my first as well and it’s so much easier to deal with this time because I have faith that it will get better. The cluster feeding slows down (comes back for growth spurts but generally is less as time goes on) and once you get through the first few months it’s so much easier than the bottle - no getting up at night to sort bottles, no carting bottle things around and a pretty much guaranteed way to calm the baby. I tried expressing and bottle feeding with my first and it was much harder work than just breastfeeding. So don’t worry about your oldest getting less attention, it’s such a short time, if you can then keep going and reasses in a few weeks and if it’s still not working for you then you can consider your options.

I have never used a dummy but my health visitor told me at our latest appointment that there is absolutely no problem with doing so. If you would find it helpful then go ahead.

Plenty of people I know breastfed and used dummies (including my own midwife!)

Does the toddler like being read to? I spent a lot of DD2's very early life on the sofa feeding her while reading to DD1. But also, a bit more TV than normal for a couple of weeks is unlikely to have any detriment.

Hi there, I had the same.

2 things helped

1. I ate a big warm bowl of maple syrup porridge before I started to thicken my milk

2. got the sofa comfy and phone charged at 2 pm and started offering the milk from then. This way, cluster feed was from 2pm to 11pm. Then moved to 3pm, then 4pm to 11pm over the weeks.

All the best

By cluster feed, I meant 2pm. Then again at 3pm. Then again at 4pm.

@Rachell1 You’re doing a fab job and your other wee one will have absolutely no harm from a few weeks in mostly PJs pootling around the house. Get piles of books to read to him while you BF baby, watch TV with him, do whatever keeps you all relatively sane. You’re doing just grand! Give yourself a huge pat on the back, and just keep boobing. This stage will pass and you should be so proud.

I bf both of mine and the cluster feeding was utterly soul destroying at times. When dd came along I had a 21 month old ds, and I totally understand what you're saying about feeling guilt all the time. I felt like ds got only a bit of me, and never a good bit either, after him having all of me for all his life up to that point. It was a wrench, more for me than him.

I gave both kids the odd bottle of formula, or expressed milk, and with ds I think we started that around 10 days old when I was at my lowest and desperately needed a break. Dd also had a dummy from about 10 days old. It helped. It didn't do breastfeeding any harm. I bf them both until about a year old.

Do what you need to to keep yourself sane and well. That's the most important thing at the end of this all. Two fed, happy kids, with a happy healthy mommy is the aim, however you choose to get there.

Congratulations on your new baby. You are doing a great job, I’m sure.

As you are new to this, I will just add, are you drinking enough? I had to swap normal drinking glasses for pint glasses of water 8 times per day and that helped. Protein is good so I will second the idea of porridge.

I’ve breastfed all of mine- 5 kids with 2 years between each one. The cluster feeding is hard going but it honestly isn’t forever. My youngest is 10 weeks old and sleeps so well now compared to even a month ago. Baby wearing is a lifesaver when they are so little and you have older ones.

I just wanted to come and acknowledge that BF is the hardest, most exhausting thing ever. I
used to think that if you cut me open it would be like a stick of rock with the word tired running through me. I also want to say that this will pass.

My DD was like that I refused to give her a dummy what a martyr I was she was using me as a dummy don't be me baby will be fine and it won't affect your supply and will save your sanity xx

But you're doing exactly the right things. This is exactly how it is with two young children.

I would suggest you just completely forget about 'should' for a few days and focus on relaxing, feeding and the toddler being healthy.

You're doing great. The total opposite of a crap mum!

All really normal. Grit your teeth, put cbeebies on and a mountain of toys out in the living room and just accept it. It's sitting there itching to do other things that makes you stressed out. You've got a newborn - go easy on yourself. If you get any visitors, send them out for a walk with the toddler!

Just FYI the body can have the chicken pox virus for up to three weeks before spots appear so I'd be expecting your eldest to maybe already have it.
My eldest had it at 2.5yrs and my 4month old caught it from him but it was pretty mild thankfully

Haha, with my baby it’s more like 2pm, 2.15pm, 2.37pm, 3.05pm, 3.15pm… And it’s not dictated by me offering but by the baby asking!