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Original poster

I want to breastfeed but I just can’t cluster feed any longer…

47 replies

Rachell1 · 16/03/2023 17:57

I’m on day 10 of EBF. I am tired. Baby was rooting all night last night (literally from 10.30pm - 6am) and wanted to be on and off every 30 - 60 mins.

He feeds every 2 - 3 hours during the day for around 30 - 60 mins. I offer both boobs each feed.

It’s the rooting and constantly wanting to be on that is seriously stressing me out. I have a 2 yo so it isn’t practical to have baby glued to me for this long. During the evenings he literally feeds feeds feeds.

I am worried because I have resorted to giving the dummy when I get to the point where I feel he must be using me as a dummy, but i’ve read everywhere on here that I should refrain from dummy and let him feed for as long as he wants otherwise it will interfere with my supply?

Please can someone help!!!

OP posts:
SNWannabe · 16/03/2023 18:01

It’s is hard but it’s very early days and it’s not like this forever. When you do get 2 hours between feeds try to make the most of it either resting or spending time with the 2 year old. Prioritise your children so everything else can be delegated to anyone who can help- spend time with the 2 year old while BFing like reading or watching tv etc so you don’t feel like BFing is stopping you from being with the older one.
This stage will pass and it’s natures way of helping you not have to do too much- stay sitting or lying feeding as much as you can for now.

DelphiniumBlue · 16/03/2023 18:10

That's what breastfeeding babies do. When they suck, it stimulates milk production. I used to find they'd be almost constantly feeding for a few days at a time, and then would settle for a while till they had another growth spurt.

There's a reason that new mothers are confined to bed for a while in many cultures .. their main task is to feed the new baby in between sleeping and eating/drinking enough to keep the milk supply flowing. Other people take care of the rest.

At 10 days post partum, I'd hope you would have some support with the toddler, you shouldn't be entirely responsible for them or for cooking etc.
Try to rest as much as you can, drink more than you would normally, and eat. If you can find someone to take the toddler out for a bit, do. It is time consuming, but it isn't that way forever. You can't expect life to carry on as normal so soon after the birth.

Emmamoo89 · 16/03/2023 18:11

It gets better. Doesn't last too long. X

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Glitterstars · 16/03/2023 18:15

First few weeks are really hard, if you really want to do it it will get easier but don’t beat yourself up if you do stop. Got to do what’s best for you x

leggingsandasweatshirt · 16/03/2023 18:19

I always remember being told by my midwife that day 10 is one of the hardest days for cluster feeding, I can remember it being horrific and I don't have a toddler then but do now so I really really feel for you. If you are keen to bf keep going, give it another few days and I bet things will have settled a bit for you x

BertieBotts · 16/03/2023 18:19

If you can, keep pushing on and feed as much as baby wants in the first 4 weeks as this is establishing supply.

If it's uncomfortable see a breastfeeding counsellor or lactation consultant to have the latch checked.

And if you're struggling so much that you're going crazy a one off bottle, or using a dummy is unlikely to hurt.

But in general you are telling your body at the moment how many milk making cells you need Vs how many it can turn off to save your energy. So it's more important at this point to push through if you can. It's possible to increase the supply from each cell but you can't reactivate them later and it's harder to increase the output.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 16/03/2023 18:20

He's a growing baby he will just be wanting food all the time.

Your partner should be taking on the 2yr old leaving you to the baby.
It is hard but it gets easier.

pinkorchid1 · 16/03/2023 18:21

I'm my all the way! Mine would cluster feed all evening until about 10.30 / 11 I think. Then would settle with a dummy and feed again in 4 hours or so. If the dummy saves your sanity (and your breastfeeding journey) then do it and don't feel bad about it.
I remember when my baby was still young I decided to stop using the dummy and she did exactly as yours did - wanting to 'feed' all night. I realised she was using me as a dummy so gave it back to her and got some more sleep.

Boshi · 16/03/2023 18:24

I used a dummy with both my ebf babies it didn’t adversely affect supply. I was not going to with my first but I caved at 2am on day 3 and sent my DH out for dummies

StopStartStop · 16/03/2023 18:27

Give up all your preconceptions about 'feeding' and drop the term 'cluster feeding' forever. As for 'using you as a dummy' - where did you hear such nonsense? Forget it.

Your baby is a small animal, and you are his life source. Your baby needs 24/7 access to your nipples and will suckle every 20 minutes, for a few minutes at a time. And, sometimes, for longer. It's more like breathing than feeding. 'Giving both' every time is another ridiculous idea - just do what works.

You'll feel 'touched out' and tired. That's normal. You soon get used to the constant contact, and the baby at the breast becomes part of who you are. He had constant access to you and his food source for nine months in the womb, he needs you now.

thecathasbeenfed · 16/03/2023 18:29

I used a dummy with our youngest who I EBF, didn't change my supply at all - but did save my sanity.

Timetochangetheoil · 16/03/2023 18:39

I used dummies from birth pretty much and breastfed both my kids til about 18 months. They actually ended up rejecting the dummies by a few months old but initially they did just help them settle when I was desperate. Do what you need to do to get through! I remember day 10 was very difficult with my second. It just all sort of hit me like a wave (I had a 2 year old too). It will get better, sending strength (and pain free nipples!) to you ❤️

TomeTome · 16/03/2023 18:39

Nah the dummy is fine to give yourself a brake. Time consuming now but it’s winter and toddler can be entertained more inside. In two months life will be SO much easier if you bf, you will be able to leave the house with one pocket with a couple of nappies, some wipes and some bags. It literally will be half the work once it’s settled. No bottles, less colds, less tummy bugs, you eat rather than buying formula, fewer poopy nappies….think if it as an investment

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 16/03/2023 18:39

If you need to give a bottle before bed so you get some time off then do it. So much pressure not to but it’s ok to do that if it’s what you need or want to do.

Glitterstars · 16/03/2023 18:47

What a load of crap .
I used a dummy from 4 weeks with no detriment to my supply

Glitterstars · 16/03/2023 18:48

My what a load of crap response was to stopstartstops post.

RoseHarper · 16/03/2023 18:50

Do whatever you need to, sometimes you need a break, and it's worth giving a dummy, bottle of formula if it means you can keep bf longer term. I used to have bottles in, didnt actually use them that often but it helped to know they were there. Both had dummies from the get-go and it didnt affect supply.

Cotswoldmama · 16/03/2023 19:01

It's completely normal I'm afraid but it does get better. My eldest turned 3, 3 days before my youngest was born and after about 7 days he actually said to me 'put 'it' down' meaning his brother and I felt really bad but within a couple of weeks things settled. I would say things improved a lot at 2 weeks and then at 6 weeks it was sooo much better. There were still occasional days where I'd be stuck on the sofa cluster feeding but everything was easier. I don't know if you're already cosleeping but that was a saviour for me I did it from birth to a year and I don't think I could have functioned otherwise!

bussteward · 16/03/2023 19:06

Things will turn a corner soon! I’m on week 12 now and there are the occasional growth spurt days where you just shovel in the biscuits and feed relentlessly but many more days where my boobs get a lengthy break. Still clusterfeeding in the evening but his bedtime has rapidly got earlier from basically doing bedtime alongside his older sibling, feeding during bathtime/stories/etc, and something about going into a dark room from 7pm instead of the hanging out downstairs watching TV and feeding has started to set his little brain into wanting to feed earlier and sleep earlier. Of course, now he wants dark boob party at about 6pm while bath for his sister isn’t til 6.30, so we’re enjoying a screamy half hour. But it is better and those early days are a blur. Do what you need to do to get through and ignore the bollocks about being there 24/7; you’re a human being with needs, not a milk slave.

OllytheCollie · 16/03/2023 19:07

I ebf three and used a dummy for all of them from day 5 or so. It never interfered with supply. Babies aren't stupid. Once they have learnt how to latch they can tell the difference btw a dummy and a nipple.

And it's completely understandable to need a break after 10days of cluster feeding. As other said it is about the worst bit because they are learning to feed, getting your supply up and putting on weight in those first weeks. It will slow down soon.

Good luck, see if a dummy helps, make everyone else around you bring you cake, try not to feel guilty about neglecting your two yr old before you know it you'll have littlun asleep in the pram whilst big one hurtles round the park.

You have got this.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 16/03/2023 19:12

10 days post partum, I'd hope you would have some support with the toddler, you shouldn't be entirely responsible for them or for cooking etc.

Who exactly will be looking after the toddler? DS1 was 22 months when DS2 was born, DS2 cluster fed for weeks. I just did everything with DS2 latched on. It's tough but manageable.

OP, be gentle on yourself. It really doesn't matter if Dc1 stays in PJs all day, or if you don't get out of the house. Just allow dc2 to feed as much as necessary, and hopefully within the next few weeks it will all be more manageable

Original poster
Rachell1 · 16/03/2023 19:15

Thank you everyone.

I never breastfed DS1 so this is so new to me. I know so many people swear by co sleeping but the bed is unfortunately not big enough as I already co sleep with the eldest and i’m too scared to add baby to the bed!

I am definitely letting him feed as much as I can possibly do, but it just never feels like enough and I can see when I give him the dummy that really he just wants to keep going on the boob! But like I say its sometimes just not possible with a demanding 2 yo!

My partner doesn’t get home until 9pm most nights (joys of being self employed) so isn’t much help apart from on weekends :(

OP posts:
Softsoftsleep · 16/03/2023 19:19

You're doing a great job OP 👏 👍 🙌

Original poster
Rachell1 · 16/03/2023 19:19

Thank you @EmmaGrundyForPM

I think the situation with my eldest son is getting to me a lot too.. he absolutely is in his pjs most of the time, with tv on and not getting up to much! I feel so so bad and I’ve had lots of tears over it. He’s getting bored of the house and is completely out of routine too. Sadly no nursery this week as they have had a chickenpox outbreak so i’m keeping him off.

I just feel like a bit of a crap mum to him at the moment and it’s really getting me down..

OP posts:
FizzyFlamingo · 16/03/2023 19:23

I'm also another one who cracked on day 8 and gave DD a dummy. It was a game changer. She instantly relaxed and went to sleep which also meant I could sleep. Didn't seem to have an impact on my supply. I let her cluster feed in the early evening and then she'd have her dummy the rest of the time. I went on to feed her for just over 18months without any issues (getting rid of the dummy is a different story 😆) If it saves your sanity and makes things easier then don't feel guilty about it just make sure you keep giving him plenty of time to feed to boost your supply