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Original poster

8 year old keeps cutting her hair

43 replies

ReluctantAdult1 · 15/03/2023 00:56

Bwaaaah it’s driving me insannnnne!!

I work so hard at making sure she has nice clothes, that she’s always clean and tidy and well turned out.

WHY the fuck does she keep cutting her hair 😭

I’m not talking huge chunks out of the sides. I’m talking little (but significant enough) chunks out of the fringe/to the side of the fringe. So her fringe is a mess and there are bits at the side of it that stick out fucking HORIZONTALLY and curl out. The fringe that she wanted so badly that we got cut in. I hid all the scissors the last time she did this but she’s come in from school today with another sticky out bit.

Her hair is gorgeous. She really suits her fringe and has no desire to get rid of it. I dont understand why she’s actively trying to make it look bad. I have asked her and asked her why she keeps cutting it. She denies doing it (like I’m stupid) then eventually will cave and ask me to fix it. I am beyond crap with hair so I can’t really fix it and it always results in a trip to the hairdresser.

i mean I would guess that it’s an Impulse control thing, and I think she probably likes the feeling or something. I dunno.

I try hard not to go on about it, I don’t want to make her feel bad and shame her. But she’s just wrecking her hair and I don’t understand it. Surely at 8 she should know better??

Natural consequence is that she has to walk around like that (there’s only so much me/the hairdresser can do really) but i don’t want her to feel bad about herself. Having said that, she never really seems overly bothered (although will admit it was a “bad choice”)

i mean what do I do? Hope it’s a (long) phase and let it pass? Punish her with a screen time ban? She’s not a bad child in the slightest, she’s really clever as well, just prone to the odd bout of silliness (she’s a young 8). But my god this is driving me demented!

OP posts:
Babysharkdoodoodood · 15/03/2023 01:09

Hide the scissors?

Original poster
ReluctantAdult1 · 15/03/2023 01:11

I did! She did it in school!

OP posts:
Liorae · 15/03/2023 01:11

ReluctantAdult1 · 15/03/2023 00:56

Bwaaaah it’s driving me insannnnne!!

I work so hard at making sure she has nice clothes, that she’s always clean and tidy and well turned out.

WHY the fuck does she keep cutting her hair 😭

I’m not talking huge chunks out of the sides. I’m talking little (but significant enough) chunks out of the fringe/to the side of the fringe. So her fringe is a mess and there are bits at the side of it that stick out fucking HORIZONTALLY and curl out. The fringe that she wanted so badly that we got cut in. I hid all the scissors the last time she did this but she’s come in from school today with another sticky out bit.

Her hair is gorgeous. She really suits her fringe and has no desire to get rid of it. I dont understand why she’s actively trying to make it look bad. I have asked her and asked her why she keeps cutting it. She denies doing it (like I’m stupid) then eventually will cave and ask me to fix it. I am beyond crap with hair so I can’t really fix it and it always results in a trip to the hairdresser.

i mean I would guess that it’s an Impulse control thing, and I think she probably likes the feeling or something. I dunno.

I try hard not to go on about it, I don’t want to make her feel bad and shame her. But she’s just wrecking her hair and I don’t understand it. Surely at 8 she should know better??

Natural consequence is that she has to walk around like that (there’s only so much me/the hairdresser can do really) but i don’t want her to feel bad about herself. Having said that, she never really seems overly bothered (although will admit it was a “bad choice”)

i mean what do I do? Hope it’s a (long) phase and let it pass? Punish her with a screen time ban? She’s not a bad child in the slightest, she’s really clever as well, just prone to the odd bout of silliness (she’s a young 8). But my god this is driving me demented!

Because it's her hair not yours?

Jadviga · 15/03/2023 01:13

I understand it's frustrating... But it's just hair. It'll grow back.

Have you asked her if she would like to change her hairstyle ? Look at photos on the internet and see if there's another style she likes better. You say she loves her fringe but it looks like she really doesn't ? Or at least she's interested in trying other things. She may not dare tell you.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 15/03/2023 01:14

If she's been used to have her hair tied/clipped back & off her face, having a fringe can feel completely different (been there as an adult). It might feel out of control & in the way.

It grows quite quickly, so how often do you get it trimmed? Maybe it's in her eyes & she thought she'd just snip a bit off & get it out of her eyes. Could you ensure she gets regular trims & talk to her about that - tell her if it's in her eyes to say so, & you can take her to the hairdresser in x days, so leave it alone & it will get fixed properly.

The other thing that struck me is about it sticking out: is that because there's a wave to her hair when it's short & there's less weight on it? Explain that this means keeping her fringe to a certain length, to make sure it sits right.

Original poster
ReluctantAdult1 · 15/03/2023 01:14

I’ve asked her loads if she wants to change it. I’m absolutely not against her changing it, it’s up to her, but I do want it neat and tidy so if she’s going to change it I’ll take her to have it done properly.

i really don’t think it’s as deep as wanting to change it I think she just sees scissors and can’t help having a wee snip.

OP posts:
Jadviga · 15/03/2023 01:15

Oh and don't punish her over this. It's her hair and she's the one walking around with it. I think offering to cut it for her and do a cleaner job than she can may be a better idea.

Original poster
ReluctantAdult1 · 15/03/2023 01:17

It is trimmed fairly regularly because she hates it being in her eyes so I do make sure I’m on top of that. But at the moment it’s nowhere near her eyes (she had her hair cut at the hairdresser a couple of weeks ago) and it’s sitting on her eyebrows just now. She’s had her fringe a year or so now. I’ve asked if she wants to grow it back out and I can help her do that but she says she wants to keep it

OP posts:
bizzywiththefizzy · 15/03/2023 01:43

Some children just do stupid stuff , when quizzed they don't even know why . She will grow out of this behaviour weird though this is .

Tighginn · 15/03/2023 01:54

Mine was the same at that age, but cut her own hair, pretty well, during the first two lockdowns and mine, third one, shaved her head!😂

Lastnamedidntstick · 15/03/2023 02:01

Why are you so bothered about what she looks like?

she’s 8, she probably doesn't give a fuck.

it’s all about you and what you want, nice clothes, gorgeous hair etc. maybe she’s subconsciously trying to tell you that too much importance is being place on her looks. Constant trips to the hairdresser to “fix” it. She isn’t “wrecking her hair” it will grow back.

get off her back. If she’s ok with sticky out bits leave her to it.

Floomobal · 15/03/2023 02:03

I’d ignore it. Let her have sticky out bits. If she doesn’t like it, she’ll stop cutting it. It’s currently a good way of getting attention from you, as it’s clearly winding you up.

Onnabugeisha · 15/03/2023 02:16

At 8 I was eating paper and chewing pencils. Kids do strange things. I wouldn’t stress over it at all. Your child doesn’t need to be perfectly turned out down to every hair on her head. I think you need to unclench tbh.

MintJulia · 15/03/2023 02:51

I'd stop making an issue out of it. It's hair, it grows back, so really not that important.

Dogsitterwoes · 15/03/2023 03:24

Does she watch those 'cutting my own hair' videos on YouTube and get the urge to give it a go?

I'd stop taking her to get it fixed. Let her deal with the natural consequences of wonky bits, not make a big deal about it myself, and be really matter of fact about it if she complains.

I also picked up what another poster saw. Why is an 8 year old expected to always be clean and tidy and nicely turned out? If this means you put a big emphasis on appearance, or don't let her have any control over her clothes, or restrict her behaviour, could she be reacting against that? If she wants to run about, get muddy, covered in paint, have wild hair, be 'unladylike', wear clashing colour clothes, climb a tree, can she?

CoutureBakes · 15/03/2023 05:12

Haha i used to do this aand i have no idea why, i used to see the scissors and just go for it, no previous plan or anything. Maybe you could buy her one of those hair styling heads (in my day it was a barbie) to deal with her hair snipping urges 😅

Nothingbuttheglory · 15/03/2023 05:20

Is it definitely her that's cutting it?

It sounds like she gets a lot of attention/reaction from you when she does this. Maybe try not reacting to the hair and give attention to something else (positive) about her instead.

Theunamedcat · 15/03/2023 05:58

Buy her a mannequin head and wigs to style? Some people like the feel of the snip on hair hopefully it will redirect them

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 15/03/2023 06:14

Are you sure she's not doing it to get your attention?

It clearly winds you up so maybe she that's what she's after - for many kids, even negative attention is better than no attention.

Personally I would just ignore it. She's not hurting anyone and even if she does look a bit silly - she's eight! It really doesn't matter.

Gunpowder · 15/03/2023 06:22

Maybe she needs something to do with her hands. Therapy putty?

Original poster
ReluctantAdult1 · 15/03/2023 08:02

No no, she picks her clothes, she’s allowed to get dirty etc I don’t mind about that sort of thing. But I like her to be neat and tidy going to school. Her uniform is ironed, she doesn’t have holes in her tights etc. her hair is done. I mean it’s nothing unusual, her pals are all the same.

but I’m not bothered when she doesn’t come home looking like that!

I do think appearances are important and that you should take some pride in your appearance. i dont think I’m over the top about it but it’s part of working life isn’t it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReluctantAdult1 · 15/03/2023 08:03

Could be an attention thing but I doubt it. She gets a lot of attention (only child) and I try hard not to overreact to it because I don’t want her to feel bad.

OP posts:
Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 15/03/2023 08:20

That would irritate the shit out of me and I’d probably wind up having really stern words with her.

If she wants a different cut, fine. I’d take her to the salon. But cutting random bits off with play scissors? No fucking way.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 15/03/2023 08:21

And the salon head toy thing is a good idea.

RunningFromInsanity · 15/03/2023 08:24

Clip it completely back and if she cuts it again then you don’t get it fixed. Don’t even mention it. Just keep clipping it back.
Grow out the fringe as she obviously isn’t old enough to have one.