Please help me

[namechange852]

I'm somewhere without signal so I can't call Samaritans or text shout

OP

It's good you are being honest here.

Can I suggest you print this out, or take it on your phone for the therapist to see?

Agreed...@namechange852 You sound quite self aware.
A good counsellor can help you unpick stuff, and {I'm not a counsellor!} but I know that most of our issues stem from childhood.

Early hurt and trauma.
Feeling unworthy, so we push people away.

Being honest with oneself is hard, but you sound like you have the power to look at your behaviours and motivations honestly.

I'm angry at myself that I can't just say what I want - it would have stopped this poison of resentment

So you're a people pleaser? You're saying yes when you want to say no? Therapy can help you to change that. I can see how it could cause problems in a relationship but it doesn't necessarily mean it's irreparably damaged. You could stay married, stay living together, stay committed but sort of out the relationship on hold while you both work through this. It doesn't have to be all or nothing

OP if you think you can sleep, that's probably the best thing for now. If you wake up tired tomorrow from being up half the night that's not going to help your mood. All the replies will still be here for you in the morning or whenever you decide to log on

Sorry, typo. Should say "put the relationship on hold", not "out"

Was just about to suggest this too. Perhaps give this to the counsellor straight away before you start saying things that aren't necessarily authentic.

I don't think you can underestimate how difficult it can be to be a people pleaser and how much hurt it can result in. It's basically making you disconnect from yourself and it's impossible to connect with others when you're disconnected from yourself.

Maybe that's part of the reason why you like being on your own because you don't get the constant feeling of being disconnected and also because you feel more authentic because you're not trying to please another person.

The thing about therapy, which I think you realise, is that it can only work if you're honest about what you're thinking and feeling. Counsellors aren't mind readers, and while they might sense that you're not being your true self, they're not going to know exactly how you want things to be.

Write down what you've put here and send it to the counsellor and take it from there.

You don't sound like a horrible person, you sound like someone who has been hurt and has trouble both with boundaries and self esteem. Lots of love to you x

You always hurt the ones you love, try and be strong just a little bit longer OP. I feel for you hope you’re ok love xx

Hi @namechange852 hope you're ok and have been able to get some sleep.
Please try and stay positive, sending you lots of positive vibes, hope your counselling session goes ok x

Thank goodness you have no children. You can both leave and do what is best for yourselves without thoughts of disrupting lives of little people..

It was a learning curve and hopefully living alone for a few years will help you know how to happily meet your own needs.

I didn't want to read and not reply, you are doing the right thing seeking help. There is some great advice on here, I'd echo others and show your counsellor this thread to help you avoid masking.

I hope you are managing to get some sleep for now.

It’s so good you have some counselling and I agree with nearly all the posts.
You do not sound a bad person at all. You sound overwhelmed, confused and unsure whether you want to be in this relationship/any relationship right now.

I can relate to so much if your post. I married as it was expected even though I had doubts even at the wedding. I felt trapped and unhappy and wanted to leave but didn’t feel able to for all sorts of reason. I was depressed, angry (at myself and with my ex).

i ageee with either showing this thread to your counsellor, or use it as a prompt to help you tell them what you feel . Whether it’s working on the relationship or helping you to leave if you decide that’s what you need to do, they can help. You have a lot of insight. This is sortable. I know it’s a cliched thing to say, but be kind to yourself. Good luck with your session . Sending love and support,

Narcissists do not worry about about being narcissists they have no insight at all. Maybe a few mental issues that needs addressing and you seem to be taking that board.

Good luck for today @namechange852
Hope you managed to get some rest last night.
Try to put some trust in the counsellor to help you. It's hard work but really worth it and I hope it can help start to turn things around for you both . Whether that's together or apart, it will help you work that out. If your DH is as kind and committed as you say he is, and is as reflective as you are, you have every chance of making it through together, if that's what you want.

Thank you for all your messages of support. I have slept and feel a bit better

you need to be honest with your councilor straight away. agree with suggestions as to how.
the sooner you esplore why you do what you do the sooner you can work on it. doing the surface area stuff.or even lying isnt going to get your anywhere and will make you disconnect from yourself even more.and you cant live like that,your body and mind willl reject that way of life and make you just explode from it!
also try and check in on your husband.if by text even at first.even if your in the same bed. being called what you did is probably the worst word for an innocecent.it can and would ruin a person luv. i understand you might be poorly.but calling someone that IF there was no reason for it,well fuck. perhaps even a letter to him,explaining the thoughts in your head at the moment?
narcissist arent aware.nor do they care.
do you have family support?
how would it be if one of you went and stayed away for a few days. or even the both of you took yourself to a different enviroment.
you have to have support of course. and you deserve for your husband to be there if your in crisis. but eqaully if your becoming the weapons for eachother to use in this isutation that wont help either.
do you have anyone you feel safe with?

Good luck for your appointment.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you're having a rough time right now.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks all.